Day 106: Yes and No and Negotiation

Our life is programmed by yes and no, what we will accept and allow and what we will not accept and allow. At work, with our partner, with everything - what we will say yes to and what we will say no to determines our experience here. For example accepting bad conditions at work or not accepting them may do that the manager at work gives better work conditions. It is the same when educating children, what we say yes or no to determines what the children learns about the world.

At work I have seen how colleagues did not accept bad conditions and then the manager changed the conditions of their contract, so one has to say what one will accept and allow and what not and make change  happen, instead of whining about poor conditions for example.

It all starts with determining for oneself what one will accept and allow and what not, what does one want and what doesn't. For this it is useful to write down the situation one is living and look at the possible outcomes, the possibilities and what can one ask for in situations such as employment.

It is clear that when one says yes to everything then others such as employers may abuse that situation, if one simply accepts all that is imposed then one may not like the position one ends up in.

So for example I would like my work conditions to be improved but if I don't insist on it in fear of being taken out for example then the conditions will not be improved.

So this is what I am going to do, write down what I want and what I don't want and see what is possible to be done. For example a good way of doing it is writing down what one wants in a piece of paper and burn it afterwards.

I have seen colleagues at work have their contracts improved because they simply did not allow bad contracting conditions - and they had their contracts improved. It makes me wonder what can I achieve if I take a stand too. I mean I have to stand up for myself, no one will do it for me. I know I am valuable for the company where I work and I have make myself count, make them value me with better work conditions. And forget about fear.

Every worker has to do it for themselves. Artists and footballers usually have a representative, someone who does the deals with the art buyers/employers and usually they are very hard/tough negotiators as that is their job. Unfortunately I don't have a representative for me but I can become my own negotiator/representative that negotiates my work conditions to the best possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fired if I negotiate my work conditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having bad conditions imposed if I negotiate my work conditions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making my boss angry if I negotiate my working conditions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to please my boss always

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I make a hard stance on my working conditions my employers will become angry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up for myself in the face of my employers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being promoted if I negotiate my work conditions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear negotiating my work conditions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to pay rent and food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up to my boss.

Day 105: Climbing to the Top

It's been a month since I wrote here, I have changed places, new, better flat closer to work which is cool. I find it difficult now from not writing to again write but hey I will push through the resistance.

Two days ago I went indoor climbing and there were also aerials silk dancing classes there and I observed a young woman there, it is difficult to describe what I realized but it reminded me of a Black Mirror episode where beings can live in a mind world and experience them there even if they die or are ill in their physical body. So this young woman was there experiencing herself like, what up? What can be done here? And it reminded of my own potential, like telling myself, what's up? I am here in this reality and I can learn how it works and make the best of it - and improve it so all can live their fullest potential.

And the funny thing is that I know what to do. I don't know about this young woman maybe she feels lost or maybe not but myself I know what I have to do to improve myself and change myself to change my experience here.

So in a way I am privileged, so much so but I have to grasp it, take this potential and make it real. Through application, through living what I see that I can do.

And live it, apply myself everyday so that my mind doesn't take over and I let the days pass without applying myself because then I find it more difficult every time to apply myself and also I don't enjoy that, losing my days without purpose.

Also when indoor climbing I could climb some parts but some other parts I found difficult and couldn't do them, and the instructor told me it would be very boring if I could do them all the first time, which is true.

So one thing to remind myself is to do more activities such as indoor climbing, as going out of my comfort zone, doing other stuff than working or being home makes me realize stuff and face myself. In a way going to do indoor climbing the other day grounded me and made me come in contact with reality again, after a month where I have been slacking off and more distracted by everything that was going on in my life such as changing places.

Lessons learned: Do more activities. Put myself to write even if I resist doing it.

Thanks