Day 199: Assume Not

I was driving the other day and while leaving the parking spot I assumed I had enough space going backwards, without checking -- to my surprise I did not have enough space and I made a dent at the back of the van. So this is a reminder for me to not assume but to look for myself. Not only while driving but also in my relationships and life in general, as one said, when you assume you make an ass out of you and me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume I had enough space going backwards with the van

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume instead of looking for myself and checking to make sure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that assuming is dangerous and has consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume in my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop and look for myself whenever I see I am assuming

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that when I assume I am taking somehing as true without checking, which is not valid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that assuming can even compromise the my integrity or that of the car I am driving

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take quick decisions and thus I assume without seeing, realising and understanding that it has consequences

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to slow down when taking decisions so I do not assume

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush in making decisions, and thus assume

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to take decisions fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to rush through life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can slow down and not rush through life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can take my time to take decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to be fast in taking decisions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush through life

I commit myself to check if something is true whenever I see that I am assuming

I commit myself to stop and breathe whenever I assume, to then check if what I am assuming is true or not

Day 198: Future and Worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I always have to talk about the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly worry about the future, without being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to worry about the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate every here moment, constantly worrying about the future

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the future does not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I worry constantly about the future I am not here in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that instead of fearing the future I should prepare myself for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I do what I know I have to do, I will worry about the future

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to prepare for the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make plans and then not prepare for them

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I make plans and don't prepare myself I will inevitably worry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the pattern of making plans and not walking them so thus worrying about not completing the plans

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that making plans involve more than conceptually wanting to do them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stick to my plans then worry is inevitable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that worrying is enough instead of seeing, realising and understanding that I should act on my plans instead of worrying

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the emotion of worrying about the future instead of directing myself to work on my plans

I commit myself to whenever I make plans, prepare for the plan goals practically

I commit myself to stick to my plans with real action and not only concepts/not doing

I commit myself to whenever I make plans, stick to them practically so that I am successful

Day 197: Apparently Well

So when everything is going ok it seems like I don't have anything to write, but is it? Still have a lot of things to work on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when everything is going ok I don't have anything to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'calm' means nothing has to be written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is a point when nothing has to be written

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can always expand wherever I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that there is a point where it is done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to look at the points that I still have to work on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that once the money point is solved, everything is ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe just because I don't feel like writing it means I don't have to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to introspect in order to find something to write about

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that there are always points to improve/expand

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I direct myself to write I will not write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'get comfortable' because apparently I have solved the money point and not write when in fact I have a lot of points to improve, even the money point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to succumb to the resistance to write

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is such a point where 'I'm done with writing'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have a lot to work on/about myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see what are the points that I need to work on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately not look at the points I need to improve on/get better at/do

Day 196: Pizza

 

So it seems like my fears have finally materialized, at work I cannot so far work out how to spread the  pizza. What is true is that I don't like the job, because in the past I worked similar jobs, with food to go and it was always a stress as orders came in and I had to prepare everything in a rush. So it is more a survival point that I went for this job. So I would like a different job and I am beating myself on the head for not 'fitting in' in this one. Can I reverse this point? Because the job itself is not the problem, but my previous experience with this business is, where in the past in another restaurant I was alone having to prepare a lot of orders of burgers and did not have the proper training.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge food to go as difficult and that I have to rush to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate food to go as suffering

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself with not learning because I don't want to learn because in the past I suffered stress doing food for delivery

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in the new workplace I will suffer because I suffered in the previous one of the same kind

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to have made an oath to never go back to the food business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to not see, realise and understand that in my previous workplace things where not done properly and I didn't have time to train whereas now I do have both things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot train to become a good food for delivery guy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the business of food for delivery 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread when a new order arrives at food for delivery as it means more work and more stress - as what I know from the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the machine of food orders with fear and stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that from the begginning my work as a food delivery guy will be a failure - from my past experience - not seeing, realising and understanding that every moment is different, every place is different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to un/subconciously  sabotage myself to not have to do this work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I don't know how to spread pizza

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated at myself because I don't know how to spread pizza

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist learning how to spread pizza because if I learn apparently I will suffer with stresss and anxiety in the new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the job as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the job by judging it as difficult

Whenever I see I have anxiety about the job, I stop and I breathe. I realise the past is no longer here and that every moment is different, so I let go of the fear and anxiety

Whenever I see that I associate the sound of an order with fear or anxiety, I stop and I breathe, I realise I have plenty of time to prepare the order and thus I will have something to do with my hands instead of being in my mind stressing.

Day 195: New Job Fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up to the required level at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking up at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not passing the trial period at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up to speed at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do my best and then I don't have to worry about anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the only way is giving it my best, as if I fail then I know I did my best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job for not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I didn't have the job in the first place so I don't have to fear losing it as I would be like in the begginning, without a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the job being hectic

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in breath everything is possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have to pass the learning curve in order to be good at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being too slow at my job

Whenever I see that I have a fear related to my job, I stop and I breathe. I realise I simply have to do my best and then everything will follow. Thus I focus on practical solutions rather than fearing in my mind.

Day 194: Doubt Not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being prepared for uni

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can prepare myself for uni

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not 'getting it' at uni

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have time to prepare myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to understand the subjects at uni

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can understand everything

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust in myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I fear because I have not faced the things I fear

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can practically face my fears

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to face my fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that fears in reality do not exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in insecurities

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am certainty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that fearing is indeed useless and a limitation

Whenever I see that I doubt myself, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I have to explore that which I doubt and that inevitably I will understand it and be able to apply whatever it is. Thus instead of going into self-doubt I work towards getting to a understanding and solution.

Whenever I see that I fear 'not getting it', I stop and I breathe. I realise that in order to understand something I have to study it - thus I give myself the time to study it.

Day 193: Patience is Key

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anything I do is useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is no point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe eveything is too much

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want results fast

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not have patience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can't have everything instantly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, ralise and understand that things take time to happen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to achieve things fast

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to pace myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that rushing does not serve me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I want results fast then I will become frustrated

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can have patience

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that with patience everything is achievable

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that if I don't have patience then I will give up before I get results

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that patience is Key