Day 223: My moment of Freedom

Today I am writing from my phone, I remember I used to do this when I was in the psych hospital where no laptops were allowed, I would take one hour to write a blog on the time we were allowed to go to the garden and have our phones. Writing a blog a day was all that I had left, my freedom being taken away an on the path of recovery, although I suspect that I spent more time there than was necessary, but also because at some point I didn't  have yet a place to go live, so I had to sort that one out.

Having lost virtually everything in the past and now writing from my phone for this blog makes me remember to be humble. Now I have a decent job and a decent place to live, but sometimes I overlook writing. 

Back then it was all I had, my moment of freedom, of doing something that would last and that has meaning and gives me meaning, something with wich improve myself and that I can build upon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted what I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value what I have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget that writing is my moment of freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I give up writing I am giving up my freedom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my freedom is my hability to consume and buy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I remind myself why I write, I will give up writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that writing has meaning

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I write, I will never be free

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in days, give up writing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give writing the importance that it has

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become complacent and not write the more comfort I have in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the opportunity of writing that each day presents

I commit myself to write every day by doing it in any way that works for me

I commit myself to remind myself of the time I had nothing but writing left

I commit myself to remind myself that writing is the tool that allows me to build myself and keep sane and to never forget it

I commit myself to remind myself of the reason I write 

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not free because I own more stuff but that I have to complete my seven years to self freedom blogs and process

Day 222: Writing as Me

I realise I don't have to judge my writings, what comes out, comes out, and that's it. Because otherwise I am worried that they are not so good. How can a writing be good or not good? That is separation.

Sometimes I worry as how I will sound, like I am complaining for example, and I don't want that - but I have to simply check within myself if I am complaining or not, not how I think others will percieve it.

I will continue to write unconditionally and let go of the idea that they are good or bad, as that is my judgement of them not the reality of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe writings can be good or not good, in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to say something special in order to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to say grandiose things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to have a high standard of writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rate my writings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to write unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can write unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear writing unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that my writings as they are are perfect and it is only the mind that judges that can make one think otherwise - but they are what they are.

 

Day 221: Christmas and Jesus

Let's give thanks to Jesus, not for dying but for having lived. If he did what he did, we can do it too.

If we want to celebrate Jesus, let's do it properly = Give as you would like to recieve. Do unto another what you would like to be done unto you. Love your neighbour as yourself.

Right now, there are no romans, so no one will kill you for being more like Jesus. No emperors to shut you down. We are free to express ourselves and to change for that which is best for all. That would be to become the best version of ourselves.

We forget Jesus had the same problem we are facing now, the wolrd might be more technically advanced but the core problems are the same. Jealousy, Envy, Greed, Abuse and so on are still very much on the table the same that were on these days.

We forget that he was a living, breathing, human being. This makes me uncomfortable because I am the same, I have the same opportunity he had to make a change. On his time it was not possible, but times have changed. Let's unite in purpose for a wolrd that is Best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have the same opportunity that Jesus had.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am One and Equal with Jesus.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have the same two hands and two legs and voice to speak like Jesus did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stand up for myself something bad will happen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that nothing has happened in all the years that I have been half-assedly applying myself in process so nothing will happen in terms of 'bad repercussions' if I stand up for myself fully.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that Jesus didn't have any special powers that I can claim I cannot be like him - as anyone can apply the message of Jesus as mentioned on this blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the message of Jesus.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on the miracles performed by Jesus than on his message.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the entire universe is supporting world change and we on earth should do the physical step of applying it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I 'don't have to be a sinner' meaning to repeat the same mistakes I see for myself are not best for me, but can instead forgive myself and let go completely..

Day 220: Addicted to the Pixel

 Energy, energy addicts - where will the next kick come from? Life seems so boring. But is this really what life is about? The next fix? It seems like then we are serving the energy god, giving it the next dose of energy, instead of living here unconditionally.

Porn is pixels on a screen - a square shaped trap for the modern man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life consists of highs and lows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stopp the energy patterns - they will continue to exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not energy.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not free as long as I participate in energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the square shaped pixel.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life should consist of highs and lows.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that unless I become my own solution I will continue to be my own problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can free myself from the pixel.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am trapped by the pixel.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the bait in master bait - masturbate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I don't have to participate in energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I don't participate in energy = I will die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that what seeks stimulation is the mind, I am feeding the mind, not myself as who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change my addicction to the pixel = I will continue to be enslaved by it.

I commit myself to stop my addiction to the pixel.

Day 219: Picking up Speed

Three blogs in a row, it looks like I am picking up speed, but the same thing happened other times and then I let myself slump, write less, go back to the habitual patterns. I can't say the same thing happened before because every time I do anything is a new moment, so I will simply proceed to forgive myself for letting myself down by not writing consistently in the past.

I realise I don't have to let myself down again, that if I don't write one day I will write the next. I don't accept or allow myself to judge myself for the past - but act in every moment to do what is best, regardless of everything that has happened in the past.

To look back at the past and not act is merely an excuse, and to look at the future and fear to not being able to keep the pace to then stop, is an excuse as well.

I commit myself to stop excuses and write as I can, every day if I can - without using the past or the future to affect if I write or not write a given day. 

I see that each day is a new day, a new life in one day, so I can decide to write, support myself and everything in between.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on writing in the past even if temporarilly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every day is an opportunity to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy of writing every day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe I am worthy of being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of being the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can become the best version of myself and that I am worthy of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don't deserve being the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that believeing I don't deserve to be the best version of myself is manipulative because then I cannon assist in changing the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my limitations as an excuse to not have to change myself and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change myself I don't have a chance at assisting to change the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the dishonesty in saying I want to change the world but not changing myself first - to the best version of myself.

218: We are Playing the Game - What Will You Do?

I was listening to this interview by Bernard Poolman and it made me remember the time as a kid when our local youth center prepared a real life roleplay game for us, in short it showed us how bureaucracy works, making it impossible to get the anything because yet another paper was needed, which to get it you had to go to that third place and there you still needed something else.

We have made this game, this life, hard for ourselves, but more for those of us that are outside 'first world' countries. We delulde ourselves even with the name, first world, third world - There is only one world.

And we are responsible, because we humans are the ones that can support all other life, including taking care of - aha - each other.

I suggest listening to interview by clicking here,  2012 -- Why Self Forgiveness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am responsible directly or indirectly by everything that happens in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am responsible for not speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I speak up I will be held accountable for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that even if I believe I don't participate in the atrocities in this world, I am indirectly responsible for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change myself and with that my environment then I will be held accountable for what I've done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that this world is not a pretty picture as it is not a pretty picture what goes on in my mind - but I have to change both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am capable of changing myself and with this facilitate change in the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am responsible for the atrocities in this world indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am responsible for everything of myself, every thought, every reaction and every inaction.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to in moments I see I can speak up = not speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here and I can decide to change myself as it is the only way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself and give up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all this time that I have not changed can serve me as courage to finally stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the moment to change is in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste breaths participating in energy and addictions - that consist of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here, but don't know for how long - thus I should direct every breath towards doing what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a polarity where I forgive myself to feel good to then repeat the thing, abusing self forgiveness in the process.

I commit myself to make my self forgiveness final = to not repeat what I forgive myself for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the awareness that comes with self forgiveness, where I see that I am about to do something that I have said I would not do, and yet continue doing it.

I commit myself to honour the awareness that comes with self forgiveness to not repeat that which I forgive myself for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop wanting self forgiveness to work when I see that my awareness is always there and I knowingly repeat that which I forgave myself for.

 

Day 217: 10 Minutes a Day

 What if I dedicate 10 minutes a day to do that thing which I resist that I know is beneficial for me? It is a cool trick because it breaks the initial resistance of doing something by putting myself to do it knowing it is only 10 minutes, and I don't have to do more. Over time I can increase this amount and so create a habit. This I can apply to writing blogs because sometimes an excuse is time, but who does not have 10 minutes each day? Then I know I don't have an excuse not to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not find solutions to write each day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can apply myself at least 10 minutes each day to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can trick myself into doing things that are beneficial for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to ‘make it work’ so whatever works it is fine.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself in practical ways to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can write each day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I miss even one day of the week every week, that means one additional year that this process will take.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that writing each day of the week is essential to complete the 7 year journey to life in 7 years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become complacent with not writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am capable of writing each day of the week.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the same discipline I put towards work I can put towards writing this blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am indeed in my own hands.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am my own cure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I stand up and write every day, I will not create consistency and consistency is key.

Day 216: Learning to Act Despite 'Not Wanting to Act'

Do I not want to write this blog? I commited a long time ago to write a blog every day, by then I wanted to write a blog every day, so it is not true that I don't want to write a blog a given day, that is the lie.

So is one day I don't want to lie, I mean if one day I don't want to write -- wait, did I not say that not wanting to write is a lie? Yes, not wanting to write is a lie. The only reason I will not write one day here is if I cannot physically do it, but since I am home and I have time, I will write today.

On commitments: If I commit to something, I should question the fact that I 'don't feel like' or 'don't want to' do it. Because it is not real. The decision was already made. In any case I should question the decision, and if the answer is that the decision is valid, then I should honour it by doing the decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't want to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that resistance will be there where I have to change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to learn to act despite apparently not wanting to act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I face my resistances I will not be able to accomplish my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I support myself, no one will do it for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that now that I can write I should write because I don't know if I will be 'possessed' into not writing later on and then it will be too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change, I will not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself no not see, realise and understand that I will come up with every excuse to not write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the power of writing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that writing is my only cure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into resistances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is in the small acts, such as writing a blog a day, that change happens.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am alone with myself and that I should not underestimate how 'bad' it can get if I don't correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I don't direct myself my mind will direct me for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I 'turn on the autopilot' I will for sure not change - as I will not do that which I resist.

When and as I see that I go into resistance to writing, I stop and I breathe, I realise that I am fine if I write. I commit myself to write a blog a day.

Day 215: My Creation in Creation

 

This is my creation, everything I do = I am creating. Every act of creation should consider everyone elses best interest, this is the interest of everyone, which includes me in 'EveryOne'.

For instance a house, it comes from Earths' materials and it is best that everyone has one.

Food, and water is the same. Health care. And Fun! Fun that takes everyone into consideration meaning that it does not harm anyone or anything here on Earth.

It is so easy, as participants of this Earth we can vote for this, and I am doing it by sharing what I see, here, in writing for everyone to see. Shart this if you can see it too, or give a like if you can!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see my responsibility in creating a world that is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in everything I do I am voting and participating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not my thoughts, feelings and emotions - as that is an automated system that I have to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the systems in me will take time to stop, as so will the current systems on earth, but this does not mean that I cannot start with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everything has a starting point where one can start, as 'a journey of a 1000 miles starts with a single step'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed by the current creation.

I forgive myself that I haven not accepted and allowed myself to speak up even if the world is fucked up currently - as within, so without.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the world is a reflection of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do so much more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a within the mess that is Earth currently I can stand up as a voice for myself and for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that things will get worse until enough individuals stand up and say no more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that unless I stand up for myself and for All I will not be putting my piece of the puzzle and many others will not stand up because of that.

I commit myself to stand up for myself and not hold back

I commit myself to share my common sense perspectives

I commit myself to remind myself that my creation is what I will leave behind