Thursday, November 21, 2019

Day 156: Ready To Live



Who is in control of my life? Is it me? Or is it my fears? Recently I was asked what I wanted the most, and what I feared the most, to which I replied that I would like a hou

se with a garden and a swimming pool and that I didn't fear anything, to which further questioning came the fear of 'being without a job' the current job I have I don't like very much, but I hold onto it with this fear of not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being destitute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to have to take any job to provide for myself.

This is ENOUGH

Time To Live

There arrives a time, when enough is enough. I want to do with my life whatever I want to do with my life. No excuses, no holding back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me a chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do enough for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things that I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to start to Live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be true to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have fun with myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to treat my body with respect.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do what I really want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let my creativity go/allow it to set free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loathe myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let my light shine through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am my ultimate potential but I merely have to let it shine through if only I allow it to shine a little bit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things I want the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self expression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take care of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create projects for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am separate from those that have success in their lives.

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Day 155: Easy on Myself


This is how it is: I am a bit down lately and it's okay. I see I have to be more easy on myself and with where I am at in this moment, be more accepting of reality as it is, to be able to then change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself with where I am at at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard where I want to be with resentment in comparing it to where I am now, instead of using it as inspiration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that self-change is possible, that I am possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarise where I am with where I want to be and have inner conflict about it instead of accepting where I am now and finding a way to go where I want to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that where there is a will there is a way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept my reality as it is, as it is exactly where I am and I have to accept that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can change things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the things I don't like in my life are not unremovable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the things I want as unattaianble, instead of looking for possibilities in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as dim, not seeing a way out, instead of focusing on what I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a way out instead of seeing, realising and understanding this is not about looking for a way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate what I have and instead look for something more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have a lot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can appreciate more what I already have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can tap into my potential whenever I can, only that I cannot jump directly to the results.

Monday, October 28, 2019

Day 154: Specially Difficult


It's specially difficult to write when you don't know what to write about. However it is my commitment to write meaningful blogs, at least four a month because I am blogging for sponsorship at DIP Pro. I went to the help of OSHO zen tarot cards and draw one, I did it through the online Osho website as I lent my Osho cards to a friend and never heard about them again. Anyway I drew the card called 'Supression' - What am I supressing? It is a slight depression, and I think that it comes from not knowing what to do with my life. So I have a slight depression that manifests with wanting to sleep more during the day and it sucks, because sleeping is the opposite of expansion, of doing, and sleeping during the day is specially draining because I lose time and then go into regret.

What's the big deal on knowing what I want to do with my life? Even if I don't know what I want to specifically do with my life, it does not mean that I have to waste away, sleeping my days off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'sleep my days off'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid reality by sleeping

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can work on myself if I don't know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can work on myself even if I don't entirely know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't need a clear objective in my life for me to support myself anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don't have an objective clear in my life to let myself down by sleeping too much

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the cycle/trap whereas I don't move because I don't have a clear objective and then I don't have a clear objective because I don't move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do self supportive things with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I don't have to have a golden destination where I see I want to go in order for me to support myself through life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will find my goals as I go through life supporting myself the best I can so that I can have Choice to do what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't have to know 100% what I want to do with my life before I fully support myself

Sunday, October 20, 2019

Day 153: Self Improvement and Success



I have been dabbling with self-help books lately but that did not improve me, I was looking for the perfect recipe for success but that doesn't exist, success for me has been for example today when I put myself to do my DIP lesson or when I successfuly stood up from the bed and did not oversleep. So instead of looking for the perfect formula it is more seeing what I'm doing that is not benefitting me to change it for self support instead.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for the perfect formula outside of myself for success, not seeing realizing and understanding that if I am to fix my life I better start making some changes in what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepeted and allowed myself to believe something outside of myself can 'fix me'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that change means when I stop doing certain things and instead live the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't have to live by other people's rules but that I can change what I see need change of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can indeed identify what needs to be changed and do it instead of looking for an outside recipe for success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself in wanting the polar opposite of what I have in desiring to have success without introspecting and self-changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want success without even really knowing what that means or describing it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within striving for success judge my life as a failure, when it is not the case.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand what I have going for myself already, which is quite something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put success outside of myself as something that has to be reached, when in fact it is not so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the word success putting it outside of myself in comparing myself to others that apparently are successful.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't have to compare my life to that of others and judge mine as a failure, life is a process not a race.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from myself in wanting to live the word success as something out there far away that I have to attain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that every day I can have success, in every moment I breathe I can have success as I successfully lived another breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself on the topic of success, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am only a failure if I compare myself to others and judge myself as less than.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if there are certain areas of my life I want to improve, I can do it, no need to compare to others that apparently have more success than I do.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Day 152: The Night I Met A Billionaire


The potential of a blank document is that you can put whatever on it, I am faced with this blank space now that I am writing this blog and everyday that I put myself to write one. This is the potential of my life as well, of my future, where I fill the the blank space of the future with what I do in the present. True change comes from within. And I see all of the days that I have blogged, I have mantained a kind of consistency that is cool. And although it may seem I am all over the place it might be because I hadn't set a goal for this blog, what comes comes. Such is life, where one day I met a so called billionaire and the next I was in the psychiatric hospital - my dreams shattered, I have to rely on myself there is no saviour coming. The future with my billionaire friend seemed bright but it was only a late night party pal with drunken void promises it seems for all accounts. So it seems that figuring out my future is still something I am doing and it is exciting and frightening at the same time.

More on the billionaire: He told me how he 'hated' everybody else, people don't really give a fuck about you when you don't have money and I have tested this for myself, they simply won't give a fuck - so once you solve the money problem why should you give a fuck about them? Well we can talk about solving the problem on a country scale with basic income but at the individual level you can't give a fuck because if you were in the same position let's say you are poor, no one will give a fuck. So no one will give a fuck about me and I better find my own way to success because it is something you do - not given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have my future solved by a billionaire.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rely on myself for self-change and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to give me my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I create my own future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as free money for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have free money given to me instead of me giving it to myself through my own endeavours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build dreams from what was said to me by a so called billionaire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for practical purposes, I am on my own.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to own up to the realization that I am for practical purposes regarding money, on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as free money for now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is no saviour coming to rescue me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bummed out because the billionaire did not rescue me to have a cool life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can create a cool life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want nice things given to me instead of me giving them to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make dreams from what was said to me by a so called billionaire instead of remaining here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot build whatever the dream is for myself.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Day 151: Back On Track


I have been a few days without internet at home and I have noticed two things, that I overslept and that I didn't write for myself self forgiveness, to the point where today I had a bit of anxiety having to face doing blogging again but here I am, once again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to write self forgiveness only for the blogs and not for myself too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to oversleep when I didn't have internet at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in anxiety in having to retake blogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don't know what to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am lost if I don't have internet at home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breathe whenever I have to face whatever it is that I am facing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not use other ways I had to access internet to post my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not remain here as breath and direct myself effectively whenever I see I am going to participate in laziness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sleeping as a tool to escape or try to escape my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself on 'having to do things'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make 'perfect blogging' without seeing realizing and understanding it is only an idea, not real.

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Day 150: Oversleeping


Today I did not accomplish much because I overslept.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing myself by sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face myself but instead sleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I deserve to achieve more than only sleeping during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let laziness get the better of me by sleeping much of the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in fact oversleeping is boring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'numb the pain of living' by oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living is a pain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to face the things that I wanted to face today by oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can hide in sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide by sleeping.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise I cannot hide from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot wake up early in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself to stand up when I wake up in the morning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't hear the alarm clock.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is impossible for me to wake up early with the medication that I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not wake and stand up in the morning such as medication.