Day 196: Pizza

 

So it seems like my fears have finally materialized, at work I cannot so far work out how to spread the  pizza. What is true is that I don't like the job, because in the past I worked similar jobs, with food to go and it was always a stress as orders came in and I had to prepare everything in a rush. So it is more a survival point that I went for this job. So I would like a different job and I am beating myself on the head for not 'fitting in' in this one. Can I reverse this point? Because the job itself is not the problem, but my previous experience with this business is, where in the past in another restaurant I was alone having to prepare a lot of orders of burgers and did not have the proper training.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge food to go as difficult and that I have to rush to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate food to go as suffering

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to deliberately sabotage myself with not learning because I don't want to learn because in the past I suffered stress doing food for delivery

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in the new workplace I will suffer because I suffered in the previous one of the same kind

I forgive myself that I have accetped and allowed myself to have made an oath to never go back to the food business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to not see, realise and understand that in my previous workplace things where not done properly and I didn't have time to train whereas now I do have both things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot train to become a good food for delivery guy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike the business of food for delivery 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread when a new order arrives at food for delivery as it means more work and more stress - as what I know from the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the machine of food orders with fear and stress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that from the begginning my work as a food delivery guy will be a failure - from my past experience - not seeing, realising and understanding that every moment is different, every place is different

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to un/subconciously  sabotage myself to not have to do this work

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I don't know how to spread pizza

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated at myself because I don't know how to spread pizza

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist learning how to spread pizza because if I learn apparently I will suffer with stresss and anxiety in the new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the job as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the job by judging it as difficult

Whenever I see I have anxiety about the job, I stop and I breathe. I realise the past is no longer here and that every moment is different, so I let go of the fear and anxiety

Whenever I see that I associate the sound of an order with fear or anxiety, I stop and I breathe, I realise I have plenty of time to prepare the order and thus I will have something to do with my hands instead of being in my mind stressing.