Day 195: New Job Fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up to the required level at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking up at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not passing the trial period at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what to do at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up to speed at my new job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do my best and then I don't have to worry about anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the only way is giving it my best, as if I fail then I know I did my best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job for not being good enough

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I didn't have the job in the first place so I don't have to fear losing it as I would be like in the begginning, without a job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the job being hectic

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in breath everything is possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being good at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have to pass the learning curve in order to be good at my job

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being too slow at my job

Whenever I see that I have a fear related to my job, I stop and I breathe. I realise I simply have to do my best and then everything will follow. Thus I focus on practical solutions rather than fearing in my mind.

Day 137: Value in Self-Support

When I get paid, suddenly I become more directive, is that so? For example, at work I do whatever it needs to be done but then when I am at home and decide to do something for myself all kinds of excuses open up and/or I allow myself to procrastinate. If I got paid for blogging, for studying, for supporting myself with Desteni I Process - would it be different then? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become brainwashed to only act if I am getting paid in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave differently whether what I am getting paid for what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the value of the things I do outside of work - thus not putting in the work needed to get it done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value what I do outside of work for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see value in self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self-support is valuable, even maybe more than regular money-earning work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to act consistently even when I am not getting paid in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value more money than self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value when there is no money involved in things.

I forgive myself that I have acccpted and allowed myself to only see value in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self support is even more valuable than money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that no matter how much money I have, if I do not support myself in other ways there is no point in having money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the balance that exists within having to have money and supporting myself - where I do have to have money and at the same time support myself with things that won't give me money immediately or at all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the same self-will that I apply at work for money I can apply at home for self-support.

Day 39: Competition at Work

Yesterday there was a new companion at work. He is physically a sporty guy, good-looking and I immediately went into competition mode, like if he was going to steal my job from me - lol. The fact is that at the restaurant I work we need more hands and now that a new recruit comes, is it too good for me? I see this competition is based on fear, fear of not having a job and ultimately not having money and dying - fear of death - and  I don't want to base my interaction with A on fear so that's why I am doing this post as well, to do self forgiveness and release this competition mode.

Oh, and he also knows French, which I don't know much, only some phrases, which challenges me to learn more French. In fact I should see A as a motivation - he is fit, knows languages - to get fit myself and learn more languages, instead of seeing him as competition. He can also help out with french costumers where we don't understand eachother. I choose to see A as a support and motivation to become better instead of competition. We are not in a competition we are a team that work cooperatively. This is the same in the world, we are different and each has different qualities, it is not to compete against each other but to help each other succeed as a team.

Because at the end of the day at the restaurant we have costumers that we have to serve, and we have to do this together, better as a team than competing individuals, competing individuals don't do what's best for the team but simply act to win against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see A as competition instead of seeing him as 'team'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with A, instead of seeing how everyone is different physically and there is no need to judge oneself for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A for his appearance as a good waiter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear A will take my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to compete against A, wanting to be better than A, in fear that if A wins I will lose my job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am in competition with myself - to be competent - to better myself and I am not in competition with anything or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A as too good - in fear that he is so good that will take my job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in the restaurant everyone that functions appropriately has a place in it, as many hands are required to make the restaurant work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I already have a place in the restaurant and that I don't have to fight for it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to do better at my job for myself, not to be better than others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the better my colleagues are, the best it is as we we'll do a better job at serving our costumers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should be grateful if A is good at the job as we will be a stronger team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the best at the restaurant, in competition with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deire to shine as a good waiter even if it means that I am surrounded by incompetent team mates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want attention from my superiors and want to be 'the favourite'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need attention from my superiors in order to keep my job.

Whenever I see I go into competition with A, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't have to compete but simply better myself, and that I should be grateful if I have competent team mates.

Whenever I see that I am goint into competition with A, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the better I assisst and support A to become better, the stronger our team will be, which is what matters because together we'll have a better time.

Whenever I see that I want to get attention from my superiors, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need attention from my superiors to do or keep my job and that A will get more attention because he is new, and he needs more help than I do.

I commit myelf to let go of competition with A.

I commit myself to remind myself that the better A is, the better it is for the team to do a good job.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have bad colleagues in order for me to look better.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have attention from my superiors.