Day 75: Being the Last One in Sports

When I was a teenager I did sports, the one I enjoyed the most was kayak. I lived in a village that has a lake, it is 2km long and about 0.6km wide - so you can run around it in about half an hour or walk around it in one hour.

The trick with kayaking is balance in the begining, because the better the kayak the more narrow it is as it has less contact with the water and it is faster. So you start with a wide heavy kayak and progress to more narrow and light kayak that can weight about 11kg and are very unstable if you are not used to them, this means that you can end up in the water easily - lol.

So this is a point that I mastered, using  lightweight narrow kayak without falling constantly into the water - lol.

Then we would race with the kayaks but because I started this sport not very early on and because I was not very strong physically I wasn't very good, but at least I completed the races I attended, which would also score points for our team.

Sometimes I forget about points that I have mastered and it is as though I have not mastered anything, but it takes looking back at my life to find them.

This is a cool reminder that it is not needed to be the best at something in order to participate - and be of value to the community, I raced with my team and would end up the last one but I had fun and scored for the team, so it is all good. I remember I always did my best, my heart pumping at maximum rate, it was a great effort for me.

How many times have I excluded myself from an activity because I regarded myself as 'very bad at it' when in fact it is totally irrelevant, as long as I enjoy doing it - it doesn't matter I am the least skilled, there will always be someone that is the least skilled, and I don't  mind it being me. Considering I put effort and I am doing my best, maybe I am doing more than someone in front of me, with regards to how much effort, how much of me I am putting into the activity.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone that ends up in the first position in a race is better than one that finishes last.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to participate in something only if I am very good at it.

I forgive myself that I have not acepted and allowed myself to see that it is not needed to be the best or very good at something to be able to participate in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from activities in my life because I am not good at it if I compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it doensn't matter the position I end up in a race but the effort that I put in the endeavour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there will always be someone that is the least skilled in an activity, so there is no point in judging myself if I find it is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not the position I end up in a race, but the effort I put into it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that personal achievement is what matters, that I don't have to compare myself to others with regards to competitive activities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to exclude myself for being less skilled at something than others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is how much of me I put into an activity, how much effort I put into it, and not the final position I end up in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is personal achievement, how much I can do and  progress in relation to ME and not in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself to not compare myself to others, but merely see in others what is possible to achieve - but it doesn't mean that I have to achieve that, as maybe the phyisical differences make it impossible for me to achieve that level.

I commit myself to remind myself that what has value is the effort I put into an activity such as a sport, not the final position I end up in.

I commit myself to remnd myself that I don't have to exclude myself from activities at which I am not very skilled or the least skilled because there will always be someone in that position, so if I am in that position I don't judge myself and simply continue with my effort to better myself for myself, not to surpass others.

I commit myself to remind myself that wether I finish first or last in a race, I will always know self honestly if I did my best or not, so I can do more by finishing last and doing my best, than finishing first doing it half-heartedly.

Day 39: Competition at Work

Yesterday there was a new companion at work. He is physically a sporty guy, good-looking and I immediately went into competition mode, like if he was going to steal my job from me - lol. The fact is that at the restaurant I work we need more hands and now that a new recruit comes, is it too good for me? I see this competition is based on fear, fear of not having a job and ultimately not having money and dying - fear of death - and  I don't want to base my interaction with A on fear so that's why I am doing this post as well, to do self forgiveness and release this competition mode.

Oh, and he also knows French, which I don't know much, only some phrases, which challenges me to learn more French. In fact I should see A as a motivation - he is fit, knows languages - to get fit myself and learn more languages, instead of seeing him as competition. He can also help out with french costumers where we don't understand eachother. I choose to see A as a support and motivation to become better instead of competition. We are not in a competition we are a team that work cooperatively. This is the same in the world, we are different and each has different qualities, it is not to compete against each other but to help each other succeed as a team.

Because at the end of the day at the restaurant we have costumers that we have to serve, and we have to do this together, better as a team than competing individuals, competing individuals don't do what's best for the team but simply act to win against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see A as competition instead of seeing him as 'team'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with A, instead of seeing how everyone is different physically and there is no need to judge oneself for that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A for his appearance as a good waiter.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear A will take my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to compete against A, wanting to be better than A, in fear that if A wins I will lose my job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am in competition with myself - to be competent - to better myself and I am not in competition with anything or anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge A as too good - in fear that he is so good that will take my job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in the restaurant everyone that functions appropriately has a place in it, as many hands are required to make the restaurant work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I already have a place in the restaurant and that I don't have to fight for it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to do better at my job for myself, not to be better than others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the better my colleagues are, the best it is as we we'll do a better job at serving our costumers.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I should be grateful if A is good at the job as we will be a stronger team.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be the best at the restaurant, in competition with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deire to shine as a good waiter even if it means that I am surrounded by incompetent team mates.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want attention from my superiors and want to be 'the favourite'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need attention from my superiors in order to keep my job.

Whenever I see I go into competition with A, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't have to compete but simply better myself, and that I should be grateful if I have competent team mates.

Whenever I see that I am goint into competition with A, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the better I assisst and support A to become better, the stronger our team will be, which is what matters because together we'll have a better time.

Whenever I see that I want to get attention from my superiors, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need attention from my superiors to do or keep my job and that A will get more attention because he is new, and he needs more help than I do.

I commit myelf to let go of competition with A.

I commit myself to remind myself that the better A is, the better it is for the team to do a good job.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have bad colleagues in order for me to look better.

I commit myself to stop wanting to have attention from my superiors.