Day 154: Specially Difficult

It's specially difficult to write when you don't know what to write about. However it is my commitment to write meaningful blogs, at least four a month because I am blogging for sponsorship at DIP Pro. I went to the help of OSHO zen tarot cards and draw one, I did it through the online Osho website as I lent my Osho cards to a friend and never heard about them again. Anyway I drew the card called 'Supression' - What am I supressing? It is a slight depression, and I think that it comes from not knowing what to do with my life. So I have a slight depression that manifests with wanting to sleep more during the day and it sucks, because sleeping is the opposite of expansion, of doing, and sleeping during the day is specially draining because I lose time and then go into regret.

What's the big deal on knowing what I want to do with my life? Even if I don't know what I want to specifically do with my life, it does not mean that I have to waste away, sleeping my days off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'sleep my days off'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid reality by sleeping

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can work on myself if I don't know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can work on myself even if I don't entirely know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't need a clear objective in my life for me to support myself anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don't have an objective clear in my life to let myself down by sleeping too much

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the cycle/trap whereas I don't move because I don't have a clear objective and then I don't have a clear objective because I don't move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do self supportive things with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I don't have to have a golden destination where I see I want to go in order for me to support myself through life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will find my goals as I go through life supporting myself the best I can so that I can have Choice to do what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't have to know 100% what I want to do with my life before I fully support myself