Saturday, June 23, 2018

Day 87: Yes or No

Recently I watched the documentary in Netflix Avicii, Real Stories, that is about the life of Tim Bergling. In the documentary it was interesting when another artist said that Tim had very clear what he wanted in music and what he didn't want, because from there they had something to work on. It reminds me of Ferran AdriĆ , a famous cook, trying out food and deciding if he likes it or not in the moment, if he did not like something he'd say it and they would do something different to get to a good flavour/texture whatever they were searching for.

It is a reminder to, in life, choose in every moment what we want and what we don't want, what is good for us and what is not good for us, without hesitation. When one becomes a master in music, in cooking or in life, one has very clearly defined what one wants, or better said, what one will accept and allow and what will not accept and allow. And we all have that internal knowing of what is best for us and what is not, simply that there are the ones that decide to hear it out and those that don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard my internal knowing of what is best for me when faced with a decision, choosing desire over common sense practicality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can try and manipulate my decisions but deep down I know what is best for me and what is not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can manipulate my decision making into making something that is not best for me acceptable, which is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that something that is best for me is not always exciting or fun but in the long run it is more fun and exciting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is fun to be had in taking decisions that are not best for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that what is best for me is truly what is best for me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that actively doing what is best for me will result in a better me.

I commit myself to remind myself to do what is best for me, and not compromise myself with anything less.

I commit myself to remind myself that doing what is best for me will result in a better me.

Whenever I see I try to manipulate me into choosing something that is not best for me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't have to go against me, and instead choose to honour myself by doing what is best for me.

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Day 86: The Power of Accumulation


The other day I saw a video on facebook. It was about a dog that had been traped below some stairs, underground. A guy heard the dog bark and set to free it. With only a hammer he started removing cobbles from the floor one by one. At first it seemed ridiculous but then when he had a few cobbles out he was able to reach the part where the dog was at, and free it, it was a pregnant dog.

So when working towards a goal, with our own hands/work, it may seem like too much, but if we keep going step by step we can end up reaching it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my goals are too big.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can walk towards my goal step by step, even if they are babysteps, I will be still walking towards my goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how things work in physical reality, in accumulation, as in 1+1=2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underrate the power of accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize how important is the power of accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the potential that I have if I work with the power of accumulation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my goals as difficult instead of seeing that I can decompose them in may small steps that are doable.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have power through the power of accumulation of 1+1=2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value myself in not seeing the power that I have in the power of accumulation.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to underrate myself and what I can do in not realizing my true potential as the power of accumulation

I commit myself to value myself in realizing that I have the power of accumulation, of acting towards my goal step by step until it is done.

I commit myself to keep going until I realize all the goals that I set myself to do.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have power through the power of accumulation, 1+1=2

When and as I see myself wanting to give up/slack off, I stop and I breathe.
I realize that through the power of accumulation anything can be achieved.
Thus I commit myself to not give up/slack off, as I see every every opportuity to accumulate as being a step closer to realizing my goals.

When and as I see myself not valuing myself, I stop and I breathe.
I realize that I can accumulate value for myself, by applying myself.
Thus I commit myself to apply myself no matter what.

Monday, June 4, 2018

Day 85: Back to Basics

How time flies, more than a month has passed since my last entry. I am back. Today I want to talk about projects and life in general. We can watch life pass by or do something about it, and this is what I want to do. Recently I have embarked on new projects and it is exciting, I rely on myself and I will need everything I have in order to be successful. What if I fail? I will stand up and go at it again. I am not one who gives up, I simply take another route if stuff is not working, or I may stop for a little while but then I get back up, like with this blog. Why will I continue writing here? Because it supports me, because I hope it can support others as well. It's time to get serious and yet be playful and do things because it is better to do stuff than become stagnant, do a little thing every day at least and if I can do more, I will do more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support myself writing blogs more regularly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get caught up in my desires and not direct myself in common sense in doing what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not administer my time effectively to do the things I know I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen if I direct myself effectively all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't be able to accomplish my goals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not a big goal that I have to fear but not having any goals.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can support myself to do any goal that I set myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can support myself to do whatever goal I set myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can be and become whatever I set myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take shortcuts that are not best for me in order to achieve my goals.

I commit myself to not compromise myself in taking shortcuts that are not best for me to get to my goals.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can be and become whatever I set myself to be and become.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that no matter how big the goal, I can change myself to be able to attain it.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is a journey and that I have to enjoy and not see accomplishing my goals as a difficult chore but as a fun journey.

I commit myself to remind myself to have patience with myself with accomplishing my goals.


Saturday, April 21, 2018

Day 84: Avicii

Last Friday died Avicii, a Swedish DJ I liked. Too much party, too much drinking his body couldn't support him anymore.

Why do we accept so much the culture of drinking, alcohol is very destructive for the body. So here we have one of the best DJs of the world and we supply him with alcohol until he dies - he had said he was shy and used alcohol to supply that aspect - so instead of helping him with his shyness we supply him with something that ultimately has lead to his death. No one helped him with his problems to a satisfactory degree, it was too late for him, it is too late. He leaves behind a great legacy of music nonetheless but he could have done so much more, he was so young, 28.

So here, what we accept and allow in others, in the talents that come to Earth, to finish this way? It is sad to say the least - we should support those that drink too much helping them with the issues that they have on a mind level so that they can let go of their addiction, and not think that because someone is a DJ can live the rockstar life, because the rock star life is no longer viable, consequence catches up fast with the body and then there is death.

So to all the talent in this world, we should not ignore celebrities if they are struggling with addictions and think that it comes together with being a celebrity, there should be more widespread information about how the mind works, how to stop addictions, how to overcome shyness for example, so we don't lose anyone, celebrities or not.

What I am referring to is solutions like the Desteni I Process Pro and Desteni I Process Lite, that have so much helped me stop my own addictions, the Desteni I Process Lite is a free online course that gives you essential life skills = skills with which one will not get lost in alcohol addiction for example, and be able to get out of it if one is addicted. They are comprehensive solutions for ones life, the same we should have been able to offer Avicii, Tim Bergling to help him out before it was too late.

Safe travels Tim, and thank you for your expression in music.

Desteni I Process Lite: http://lite.desteniiprocess.com

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Day 83: Alone in my Realizations or Not


I have realized that we don't die. I have realized that we have to do what is Best for All. Who will hear me? I don't know, but I will keep sharing about it. Life is like a collective dream that you wake up from once you die, but in this dream you can experience pain and pleasure, and because of that no one should experience  pain as in starvation for example.

We should be able to All have fun here on Earth. But we have to sort out our minds, that sometimes interfere with that. We might think this is impossible but we have to strive to be the best we can be, and for the world to be the best it can be.

I have realized that I have to speak up, regardless of how many are hearing me or  not, with time there will be more.

Be grateful that you are alive, Enjoy Life.

There is a free online course that gives you essental life skills called Desteni Lite Process, it is free.

http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Self Sustainable Communities is THE solution for this world, check it out at https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Investigate Desteni and the principle of What is Best for All
www.desteni.org

Thank you

Ruben

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a following.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am alone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no one hearing what I say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my words will be in vain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is impossible to have a following right away, and that in the beggining it will be only myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have a following instead of equals walking with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have power.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I already have power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone in what I say.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that if I speak the truth it doesn't matter that I am alone.

I commit myself to have patience until others can hear what I say.

I commit myself to live the word compassion, towads myself and others.

I commit myself to share myself and what I realized unconditionally, whatever it is my audience.


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Day 82: Dying or Not Dying



It's been about 10 days since I wrote here, during this time I have had to rethink how I want to live and make decisions to change my life, here on I will post more regularly.

Today I want to talk about a dream I had the other night, I was dreaming and suddenly I realized 'Oh, I am dreaming' I was fully aware that I was dreaming, that I was in a dream, and I said to myself 'I have to not abuse' meaning I don't want to murder anyone or do anything nasty in my dream, like I had a principle in my dream. Then I had fun, I was able to fly, to run around, I met people that I know in my dream, of course later on in the day when I met them they did not remember that I met them in the dream because people do not communicate with eachother in dreams, I was able to say to a co-worker that I found in my dream 'If tomorrow you remember what I said to you let me know' but later on in the day when I wake up she did not remember of course.

So I was in my dream and in my physical body I wanted to fart, and I woke up. I was now in this reality, physical reality and had removed myself from the dream.

What I want to tell you with this story is that Life is like a dream, we can communicate with others in this dream that is Life and then we cross over, like with a fart, and we may remember things from our Life. But we have to remember, we are here, we don't have to abuse. I'd say we have to live by a very simple principle that is 'doing what is Best for All' then we will have an experience in this world that is worth while. Because when we die, we don't die, it's like waking up from a dream, a very cool dream where we can fly with planes, experience pain and pleasure be good or bad -- I'd say let's all be good with eachother, let's all play within the context and the principle of that which is Best For All.

I realized this, I am in a place from where I will wake up and be myself still, but I know I will not be able to come back to this reality once I am out of it, once I am farted out of this reality that is it, and this reality will last, and I want to leave behind a reality that is best for All, for the children to come, for me, for everyone.

This is a big opportunity that we all have, we have somehow engineered a collective dream that is reality, where we can suffer or play, let's all play, let's all have fun, let's all live life within the principle of that which is Best For All. I don't care who you have been until now, a coward, someone with courage, a thief, a respectable banker, a sportsman, a creep - all can now decide to and have the opportunity to walk within the principle of that which is Best for All.

All that it takes is some self correction, some self forgiveness to let go of all that we have participated that we are not proud. Osho says, there may be mistakes, things that we did that we are not proud of, but the self is never wrong, self is always right.

Everyone has the chance to wake up in this life, and realize, as Bernard Poolman said, this is your last life, don't mess up with it, don't fuck around for too long because then you will be farted out of this reality and abusers will not be able to participate in further games in this existence. Realize that this life is not a game once children die each day, we have to correct that.

Support Earth Haven, to build self sustainable communities around the world that live by the principle of doing that wich is Best for All. Support life. Support yourself.
If you may, do it here: https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

Free Online Course that gives you basic Life Skills:
http://lite.desteniiprocess.com/

Thank you

Ruben Moutinho


Sunday, March 25, 2018

Day 81:Bossing Around Newbies

We have a new co-worker at work and I noticed how I want him to do as I say because I have more experience than him. There is no problem in telling how tings are done but the problem is that I want him to do as I say, going into a power trip if I am to be successful at him doing what I say. It has not worked, meaning I could say him to put the plates in a different way and he would say there is no space, when in fact there was, so the only thing that worked was that I put the plates in order myself so that he could see how it is done.

Overall I can see that I have beliefs about having authority over others for being longer on the job, which is not true. So instead of trying to boss around newbies what I'll do now is show them how it is done and that's it. I see I am not more than them, and I cannot try to boss them around, as it only indicates how I don't have autority over me when I try to have authority over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want Y to obey me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have power over Y because I have been longer in the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Y has to do what I say because I know how things are done and he doesn't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be strict with Y in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have power over new recruits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that antiquity in the job means I have more authority.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have autority over myself and want to exteriorize it on Y.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to power because of antiquity in the job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to believe power doensn't come from antiquity but from how much I apply common sense, how others see that what I do makes sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to say to Y how to do things well instead of showing him by doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe I am equal to Y.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in Y for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Y as not fit/slow for the job.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in the job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply try to improve myself intstead of looking at how others perform.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unfair with Y by judging him when he is still learning how to do the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on Y in my mind by judging him as slow when he is still a newbie at the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Y as a threat instead that as a valuable job peer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from newbies at work by believing I am more for knowing how stuff is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into a power trip by having Y do what I tell him to do.

I believe myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that if I have Y do what I say I will have power over him.

I commit myself to remind myself to not judge others.

I commit myelf to remind myself to take it back to self whenever I am being hard on others and judge others, to see where I am being hard on myself and I judge myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that being longer on the job doensn't mean I have authority over others.

I commit myelf to show Y how stuff is done by doing it not by telling.

Whenever I see that I try to 'boss Y around' I stop and I breathe, I realize that I cannot boss anyone around, that I merely have to show how it is done if I know how it is done, and that's it.

Whenever I see that I want Y to do something, I stop and I breathe. I see if I can show him by doing or if not, and if not I simply comment to him how it is done, without wanting him to do differently, I simply share what I know.




Saturday, March 24, 2018

Day 80: Participation in Moderation


Yesterday I went out and this point of moderation came up, how in order to have fun one can participate in going out in moderation and it is fun as well, one doesn't have to participate in excess in order to have fun, or limit oneself by not participating at all.

For example having one drink, it is enough. Previously I would not have even one drink but yesterday it was hot inside the disco and I was thirsty so I had one drink. Later on I was outside and although I don't smoke I asked for a cigarette to strike a conversation with a group of females. Afterwards I danced with them inside. Overall participating in moderation is fun.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the benefits in living moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that not only excess can be pleasant but moderation as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to have fun I have to participate in excess.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can have fun participating in moderation.

I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to not see the benefits in moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing I only can have fun when participating in excess.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can participate in moderation and have fun.

I commit myself to remind myself that I don't have to limit myself by not participating or by participating in excess, but that I can participate in moderation in things.

Whenever I see that I want to participate in something, I ask myself, is it within moderation? And then act accordingly.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is OK to participate in things in moderation.

I commit myself to remind myself that one doensn't need to be wasted in order to have fun.

Friday, March 23, 2018

Day 79: Difficulties at Studying


Today I have been facing what I find are difficult math, but in time it may be easy for me, who knows. I've seen that when I face a difficult problem I want to give up before I even start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up before I even start in my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I have to do as too difficult.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if others can do it, so can I - with regards to math problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do math.

I forigive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot do math.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because apparently I can't do math.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I will laugh at me wanting to give up now when I can do the problems well in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being good at math will take time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beileve that if I can't do something right away it means I cannot do it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to be patient with myself with learning new things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself how long it took me to learn to walk - for example -, so it can take me a while to be good at math but eventually I will make it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself in relation to math and other subjects.

I commit myself to remind myself that it can take time for me to be good at math but I don't have to give up because of this.

I commit myself to remind myself to be patient with myself while I learn new things.

I commit myself to remind myself to believe in myself.


Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Day 78: Goal Setting


Today I was reading an interview of Chris Hemsworth, the australian actor that portrays Thor in the Marvel movies, he talks about how he had a good childhood  nearby aboriginal tribes, his rise to fame and how he lives now in a cool place, like a paradise with his wife Elsa Pataky and children.

Who wouldn't want to have a life like that? We all should be able to have a good childhood, be able to provide a good childhood for our children and make a decent living - n
in fact we could all live like millionaires if we globally put ourselves to this effort, starting with a universal basic income.

Googling Chris, the first thing that appears is news that Chris slept on a public bench, took a nap at the street - lol, in the interview they did say that he was a down to earth guy.

His interview made me think about me, how I have to set myself goals and work towards them, had Chris not done so he would have never achieved what he has achieved, so at least I have to set my goals and work towards them to have the possibility of them becoming real.

I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to separate myself from Chris Hemsworth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can also achieve a good life maybe not to the level of Chris but effective as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not set myself with high goals in the belief that I can't achieve them.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to not plan my life carefully essentially giving up before I even start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot achieve good things for me in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can change my life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that maybe I won't become rich and famous but I can substantially change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot have a good life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can create a good life for myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can create a good life for myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am the creative principle of my life.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Day 77: Blogging Expectations


For three days I have not been able to write, I did not know what topic to write about - or so I thought. Today I started doing some self forgiveness on this point and the point came up of how I give importance on my blog posts being shared/featured and how I fear my posts not being shared/featured. This implies that the content that I am going to post can be in my eyes less valuable than my previous ones if I don't get featured/shared as much.

So I put this unnecessary pressure on me by wanting my next blog post being shared/featured and this made it more difficult for me to write.

Now I see it is not if my blog post is shared or not but how useful it is for me, as it can be then useful to others, this is the value of my blog. So I will keep writing blogs that are most useful to me and perhaps in turn help out others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have no topic to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need inspiration in order to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'writers block' is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to my expectations when I blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will not like this post as much as the other ones.

I forgive myself that that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the worth of a my blog whether it is shared by other people or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can blog about what bothers me at the moment, a point that is not directed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fulfilled whenever others share my blog and fear being empty if they don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if others don't share my blog I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my self worth on others actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not how much my blog is shared but how much can support another, which I cannot measure and may not be immediate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being featured/shared means my blog is more valuable, where it would be equally valuable if it was not featured/shared as much.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myelf to believe that I have made it if I get shared/featured and that I am a failure if I don't.

I commit myself to remind myself that blogs are as valuable as they are useful to me, which in turn can be useful to others as well.

I commit myself to remind myself that if my blog is not featured/shared as much it is not less valuable.

I commit myself to remind myself that I write the blogs for me, not to be featured/shared.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is cool if I am being featured/shared but it is not to make it something special/more than what it is.

I commit myself to remind myself that my blog will be equally valuable if it happens to not be shared/featured as much.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not a failure if I don't get shared/featured as much.

I commit myself to remind myself that the value in my blogs is how useful they are to me, how much they give to me, and not how much they are shared/featured.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Day 76: Patience With Change



Sometimes I want to change very fast and reality shows me otherwise, that it can take time for change to be implemented. Today I felt somnolence during the day and allowed myself to sleep eventhough I know I should have pushed to do things, but hey it is not to judge me, next time I will do better.

Who says the process of change is linear? Where we simply do it better and better every day? Changing also means 'fucking up' so we can learn from our mistakes, changing doesn't mean that every day we do a bit more without making mistakes. Making mistakes is beneficial because we know what happens if we go that specific rute, if we behave in a particular way.

So we have to have patience with change, because some days will feel like a success but some other days can look like a failure, but if you really look at failure as the mistake to learn from it, then it is not a day lost but used to better self in the process of change. Miss Take, if you Miss a Take you Take another Take Bernard Poolman said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to want to change immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be effective at everything immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that change will take time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it will take daily self-discipline to implement change in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get resutls fast when it comes to changing habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself if I don't see change, instead of having patience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word patience to its utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in the process of change it may feel as if I go back at times, I fall back, but it is merely part of the journey onwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that progressing/changing only means doing it better day by day, when in fact it can mean fucking up some days/not being effective some days so we know what to do next time in a similar situation/we know what happens if we behave a certain way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep when I feel somnolence instead of pushing myself to stay awake and do physical things.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Day 75: Being the Last One in Sports



When I was a teenager I did sports, the one I enjoyed the most was kayak. I lived in a village that has a lake, it is 2km long and about 0.6km wide - so you can run around it in about half an hour or walk around it in one hour.

The trick with kayaking is balance in the begining, because the better the kayak the more narrow it is as it has less contact with the water and it is faster. So you start with a wide heavy kayak and progress to more narrow and light kayak that can weight about 11kg and are very unstable if you are not used to them, this means that you can end up in the water easily - lol.

So this is a point that I mastered, using  lightweight narrow kayak without falling constantly into the water - lol.

Then we would race with the kayaks but because I started this sport not very early on and because I was not very strong physically I wasn't very good, but at least I completed the races I attended, which would also score points for our team.

Sometimes I forget about points that I have mastered and it is as though I have not mastered anything, but it takes looking back at my life to find them.

This is a cool reminder that it is not needed to be the best at something in order to participate - and be of value to the community, I raced with my team and would end up the last one but I had fun and scored for the team, so it is all good. I remember I always did my best, my heart pumping at maximum rate, it was a great effort for me.

How many times have I excluded myself from an activity because I regarded myself as 'very bad at it' when in fact it is totally irrelevant, as long as I enjoy doing it - it doesn't matter I am the least skilled, there will always be someone that is the least skilled, and I don't  mind it being me. Considering I put effort and I am doing my best, maybe I am doing more than someone in front of me, with regards to how much effort, how much of me I am putting into the activity.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone that ends up in the first position in a race is better than one that finishes last.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to participate in something only if I am very good at it.

I forgive myself that I have not acepted and allowed myself to see that it is not needed to be the best or very good at something to be able to participate in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from activities in my life because I am not good at it if I compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it doensn't matter the position I end up in a race but the effort that I put in the endeavour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there will always be someone that is the least skilled in an activity, so there is no point in judging myself if I find it is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not the position I end up in a race, but the effort I put into it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that personal achievement is what matters, that I don't have to compare myself to others with regards to competitive activities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to exclude myself for being less skilled at something than others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is how much of me I put into an activity, how much effort I put into it, and not the final position I end up in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is personal achievement, how much I can do and  progress in relation to ME and not in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself to not compare myself to others, but merely see in others what is possible to achieve - but it doesn't mean that I have to achieve that, as maybe the phyisical differences make it impossible for me to achieve that level.

I commit myself to remind myself that what has value is the effort I put into an activity such as a sport, not the final position I end up in.

I commit myself to remnd myself that I don't have to exclude myself from activities at which I am not very skilled or the least skilled because there will always be someone in that position, so if I am in that position I don't judge myself and simply continue with my effort to better myself for myself, not to surpass others.

I commit myself to remind myself that wether I finish first or last in a race, I will always know self honestly if I did my best or not, so I can do more by finishing last and doing my best, than finishing first doing it half-heartedly.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Day 74: Growth vs Procrastination


I have noticed that whenever I have to deal with clients on Swifdemand, I do it swiftly lol - I never procrastinate, I do it in the moment. Maybe because this is a new application to me, but still it requires an effort on my part. When I compare it with studying, I don't put myself to study immediately whenever I have the time, most of the times I do something else and tell myself that I will study afterwards.

So this is an application that I want to live for myself, the immediately taking of self responsibility, the directing, the doing it in the moment as soon as I have to do it.

When I am at the job and they tell me to do something, I do it in the moment, immediately, then why not do it when studying? Why not do it for me?

If I take every opportunity I have for growth such as studying, doing DIP Pro, writing a blog, instead of procrastinating, who will I become? So much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what I do in my work of doing things immediately to my daily life at studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate whenever I have to study, instead of doing like I do with Swiftdemand clients of doing the work as soon as possible, without putting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses whenever I am facing with the opportunity of studying.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self responsibility whenever I don't take on an opportunity to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am able to do stuff in the moment in other areas of my life, I can do the same with studying.

I commit myself to take on every oppotunity that I have to study, without procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can do stuff immediately without procrastination.

I commit myself to do things for myself such as studying immediately whenever I have the opportunity so that I can expand and grow and progress.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid when it comes to procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that procrastination is never valid.

I commit myself to remind myself that an opportunity to do something is a step I can take towards bettering myself or an opportunity lost for self expansion.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to take on every opportunity I have to better/expand myself and so in this way keep on growing instead of diminishing myself with procrastination.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Day 73: Master Something, Then Share About It

I have lately seen this point of mastering something before you share about it. Why? Because then you can share the ins and outs of it, can say specifically how it works, why it works or doesn't work and also give advice. 

If you have not mastered something then if you share about it your information will be incomplete, you will be unable to answer some questions that the listener may have and in the end you will be doing a disservice to the product or that something you are sharing about, in not having all the information about how it works and how to apply it/be successful at it.

This I have seen this with selling products at the store on SwiftDemand.com, SwiftDemand is a cryptocurrency that works as a basic income and it gives everyone that signs up 100 Swifts a day. There is also a store where you can sell your products. I've been selling there with good results and I've been able to talk about it with others that may be interested in selling there. But this goes for everything, it is best to share once you master something.

In the past I've wanted to talk about process but failed, mostly because one has to be the living example, show how it worked to you, then the other can relate.

It is very simple stuff but it is a good reminder to go back to whenever we try to share about something and it doesn't work, maybe it is because we have not been successful at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share before I become successful at something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do stuff I have not really applied for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless others see the value in what we share/see the results - they will most likely not listen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to only share once I have results about what I share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do stuff I have not yet mastered myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the only way for others to listen to what I have to say is if I have mastered what I am going to share, or applied it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do what I have not yet done myself.

I commit myself to remind myself to do whatever I want others to do, do it myself first, and then share about it.

I commit myself to apply what I want to share first and then share about it with showing the results.

Friday, March 9, 2018

Day 72: Who's Gonna See This? Debunking the Fear of Exposure



Sometimes I wonder, who is going to see my blog, and what will they think about it? Well most of the time I don't care about what I think, how will I care about what others think? That is the first reaction, and it's true, we don't have to guide our actions depending on what others are going to think of us. I write this blog to support myself and share my process of change so that others can benefit as well as how I benefit from it. If that is not cool with you, well, you clearly have a problem.

The part that always make me wonder if they think am crazy is the self forgiveness part, you know, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself... But the self forgiveness is a tool to take self responsibility for everything, like I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to fear others judging me for what I write in my blog. Like I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted for writting my Journey to Life blogs.

And this is a topic that has being itching for a long time, every time I post I wonder about it, and it was time to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disregarded for what I write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from my writings by judging them as 'dangerous'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writtings as 'not fit for everybody'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that forgiving myself is normal, what is not normal is not forgiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-forgiveness judging it as 'dangerous' and 'not-for-everybody'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking 'cultish'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my fears to run instead of stopping and forgiving them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself when sharing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing opportunities for the fact that I write my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to the general belief that 'one can't forgive oneself' and thus see my blogs as 'special' in a bad way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by potential friends when they see my blogs, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that if they reject me for this, I'm better off without them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my career being affected by my blog writing.

I commit myself to embrace self-forgiveness and my blogs and not accept and allow myself to be separated from them in fear.

I commit myself to not pay attention to what others think of my blogs, but instead keep blogging for me and those that dig it.

I commit myelf to remind myself that forgiving myself is a normal thing to do, what is not normal is not forgiving myself.

If you've made it this far, Thank You.

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Day 71: I'm Back



I have not been writing blogs for a few - 4 - days because I had this dilemma where I had to study but I wasn't studying and then I wasn't blogging because I had to study, so this was like a loop/vicious circle where I didn't study or do blogs. Finally today and a bit yesterday I put myself to study even if only a little bit and I've seen that damn am I wasting time! And that I will no more accept and allow myself to sabotage myself by participating in this construct of not doing one thing thus not doing the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not studying and then not blog because I have to be studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hinder my development by not doing in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to put excuses to not study and not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myelf as fake if I blog not having studied before, whereas it is only practical that I blog when I have something to say/when I have the moment and study when I have the moment too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the days pass without studying or blogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself by not allowing myself to blog if I have not studied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am only worthy of publihing blogs if I have studied, whereas I can blog about why am I not studying for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a vicious cycle of not doing study work or blogs.

In italics Self Forgiveness by my DIP buddy Kim K.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I want to move to start studying/dip I instead think about it, process it in my mind instead of simply moving myself to do the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of looking at beginning to study or work, rather go into my mind and project about the work, who I will be in the work and how it will make me feel instead of actually taking a breath, moving in to the work and actually experiencing who I am within it in real time, wherein, within this I can then observe my experience and chose to breathe through and direct it, thus empowering myself in the moment to MOVE myself, instead of disempowering myself through mind-processing only, where it is my mind moving busily, creating energy and resistances, while I, in the physical, actually get nothing done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I have to start studying think about how hard it will be and how difficult it will be for me to do it and that I don't know where to even start, instead of simply putting myself to study and let it be however it goes it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry because I am not studying instead of stopping my worry immediately by taking action and putting myself to study immediately, without 'looking back'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at learning as 'hard' and 'difficult' instead of simply looking at it for what it is, a step by step process, where I take the first step to then figure out the next one, but instead I look at all the steps at the same time, placing them in front of me and creating a giant mountain, when in fact it is only ever a step by step slope  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how much time I need and how much time I have to study instead of putting myself unconditionallly to study with the time I have available, without worrying if it is too much or too little, but work with what I have, as I do not know beforehand what will I be able to do/ understand/learn with the time I have available so I use all the available time I have to study even if it seems too little, to see what I am capable of/what is my capacity and to be able to handle work and studies effectively managing time

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Day 70: Secret Addictions - Do You Have One?

Do you have a secret addiction? Many of us have or have had secret addictions, for example drugs and porn. I met a guy that was playing the drum near where I live and we would meet regularly to play together - me playing the guitar. After a while he introduced me to a friend of his that plays the guitar, and we would meet up at times to play - very cool because he knows guitar more than I do and I learn with him. So this individual recently opened up and revealed to me that he has an addiction to the drug Speed, and that he never plays the guitar without having taken it.

Who would have known? I didn't see it coming. This individual shared with me that he never thought that he would end up addicted to it, and it is true, what at one point of our lives we say we'd never do we can end up doing - interesting.

Many of us have addictions and this doesn't make us any better than a drug addict - or any worse, it is simply that at one point of our lives we are addicted. We can be addicted to thinking, coffee, cigarrettes, shopping, arguing, medication etc. We are most of the time poly-addicts in fact.

It is time to stop our addictions.

Solutions

To stop your addictions one can do the 21 days to freedom, which consists of stopping the addiction for 21 days and then you are free. If you 'fall' back to the addiction, you start counting again 21 days, until you make it.



Try it out, it is worth your while.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become poly addict.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to fear others knowing about my addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior because I have an addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that addiction is more powerful than I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my addiction, in fear I'll lose something if I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I get something out of my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am stronger than my addictions.

I commit myself to stop my addictions.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am stronger than my addictions.

Friday, March 2, 2018

Day 69: The Struggling Artist

One day I met a guy that does ceramics, he was very passionate about hand scuplting. We connected really well, I was impressed by his skill.

Recently he contacted me and I've met him again, this time in Barcelona where after a long chain of events he is squatting the place where he lives now and has no income. He relies on food disposed by supermarkets and bakeries and that's basically what he eats, and to smoke he collects what he calls ''chustas' which are unfinished cigarrettes in spanish slang. Recently he has had the landlords cut off his water supply. A friend close by lets him shower at his home.

Many living in the so called third world countries live far worse than he is doing curretntly but, come on, no one should have to live off off disposed food, have no running water and zero income. I bought a little piece of his art for what I could afford at the moment, 9 euros, and he bought two smoking papers packets for 1 euro - to rooll the tabacco from the 'chustas' - and said that he should really manage the money left well. 

Living at this level, I have never lived at this barely minimum level. And no one should have to. This is why I support a Universal Basic Income.
What could he do with a basic income? Aside from paying his living expenses, it would be awesome the art he would create. He also dabbles in making his own electronic music and needs a new computer to do it and he wants to build a ceramics oven - pretty cool things he would do with a basic income. No one should be an 'struggling artist' - this term should disappear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living at the baremum minimum and have no income. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want to help out K, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot 'save' anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give money to K, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I a not in a position to give money to anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no income

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living on the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I coudl never end up like K.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in this system it is very possible to end up with nothing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ensure that everyone has enough.

I commit myself to walk until all have a basic income, until all have a basic quailty of life.

I commit myself to remind myelf that I have to become effective in this system, so as to not have to find myself without a job in the future.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be ruthless, as the system is ruthless, so I have to be ruthless in standing up for myself, both in the system and as who I am.

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Day 68: Pushing the Right Buttons for Change - Fake It Till You Make It


The other day I overheard a conversation where I believed wrongly that they were referring to me as a 'liar' - I reacted immediately with stopping what I was doing and listening attentively to what they were saying. With walking this reaction in my DIP Pro assignment with the help of my buddy in our weekly chat it came out that ultimately this was linked to me wanting others to see me as truthful, and this was because I am not completely self-honest, but so long as everyone sees me as 'honest' and 'a good person' I can continue to live this way - self-dishonestly, and not have to change.

At this point I saw how I am writing blogs and so on but not really walking self forgiveness for myself. Another point I saw is that I am not being serious with my studies, not walking them effectively. So I have to start walking for real, forgiving myself for real and dealing with my studies effectively.

Now, I can react to what I know now and throw a tantrum because of how I am walking is not effective, it is empty in a way, but instead of doing that I see it is best that I simply learn from my mistake and change it, so I walk effectively from now on in all areas of my life.

So you can say I did the whole 'fake it till you make it' where I inadvertedly I have 'faked it' by not walking 'full on' but eventually I will make it because I have realized my mistake and won't stop walking until I make it.

I am grateful to my DIP Pro buddy Kim K for helping  me out in realising this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live self forgiveness for real, to not apply self forgiveness, to not forgive myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I write a blog daily I am already 'on path' not seeing, realizing and  understanding the obvious of practical living, where I have to be effective in my live and forgive myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point that I have not been walking for real, instead of stopping and changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see me as truthful, so as long a they see me as truthful I don't have to be self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put importance in how others see me instead of valuing my self-honesty/using self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk my process for myself but intead 'do it for the blog', do it for the outward appearance.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk my studies effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to assess my process self-honestly and see what I have to change, but simply work to have a nice 'facade' - so as long as others believe I am truthful I don't have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what others percieve of me.

I commit myself to asses myself in self-honesty, to see where I need to change and apply myself more, and disregard what others percieve/think of me.

I commit myself to remind myself that ultimately it is self-honesty what I have to live and apply, and what I know of myself is the truth, no matter what others believe of me.

I commit myself to, now that I realied I was not being self honest, to keep walking in self honesty, assessing every day if I am walking effectively or not.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Day 67: Active Listening at 7 Cups of Tea


We are our own solution, I am my own solution. At times, we have a problem but it is generally true that we have the solution to our problem. I have tried out being an 'active listener', volunteering at 7cups.com for a few days some months ago, and more recently today.

7cups is a website where if you have a problem and need to talk to someone, you can go and have a text chat with an active listener for free; genereally we can't give advice but assist you in realizing your own solution. Active listeners need to pass a short formation to become one.

What I have found in my time there is that people know the answer to their problems but don't trust themselves that they do, and wait for someone external to validate them, wait for someone else to tell them the solution to their problem.

What is cool about 7cups is that I have seen how people can find out their own solution to their problems but what is missing from 7cups is something that supports the individual to walk the solution, an All-Encompassing definitive solution to help everyone's problems, which I can say it is the Desteni I Process Lite which is a free online course that gives you essential Life Skills to deal with your problems, and the more advanced DIP Pro, as they have helped me in many areas of my life, from overcoming addictions to solve work-related issues. So it is not enough in people realizing the solution to their problem but to empower them to walk the solution, once they know it/once they become aware of it.

The reason why I am stopping my participation in 7cups.com is the following: I cannot promote or give the ultimate solution to users of the website, DIP Lite and DIP Pro.

By only active listening to them I am not giving them the very solution that would enable them and empower them to walk the solution to their problems.

So I hope users of 7cups one day find this blog or hear about the DIP Lite and DIP Pro as it is invaluable what it can do for one's life.

Thank you to 7cups for these realizations and I am sure a lot of individuals have been helped by your mission, it is only that I cannot give half-solutions thus why I am stopping being an active listener.

Monday, February 26, 2018

Day 66: How I Overcame Stage Fright Before Work


Whenever I went to work, there was this scenic fear/stage fright, like the calm before the storm, because I don't know how the service is going to go, if I will have many costumers at the same time for example, if they will be very demanding of me or not. Something similar happens when I am about to write a blog, at times I know what I am going to write about but other times like today, I did not know what to write about so I decided to write about this fear that emerges before going to work or before blogging, this stage fright.

Every song 'starts with a silence', then an intro and then the vocals/song. In making this correlation I stopped fearing the 'silence before the storm' - it is natural this silence the moments before starting my work as a waiter and it doesn't mean there is an impending doom. Because I know that I have practiced the song so to speak, that I am well versed in my job, I know what I have to do and how to do it effectively, in other words I trust myself. So now instead of being frightened of the silence before going to work, I enjoy it as I know 'the song is coming', the action is coming. This correlation was pivotal in stopping the fear, but what helped prepare myself to stop it was doing self-forgiveness on this fear of work and lack of self-trust, which I learned at the DIP Lite free course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments before going to work, in fear that it will be difficult or that I will be incapable of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'stage fright' before going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is normal the 'calm before starting to work' as it is with a song that start with silence, then an intro and then the song.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself before going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to work as I don't know how the day will turn out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and my capabilities related to work.

I commit myself to trust myself and my capabilities in my job.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have gone through a lot in my job so I am ready to face whatever it is that comes my way at the job.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Day 65: How Can I Cheer You Up?



Lately I have not allowed myself to let anything interfere with my daily blogging.
Lately I have been noticing how it is easier for me to express myself thorugh writting, and I want to express myelf more - So I have written daily blogs and more on Steemit. 

I have been seeing that I can accomplish things, trust myself more. I passed the driving test with 0 mistakes. At my job I am more trusting of myself and what I am capable to do as a waiter.

When I write about a problem and forgive myself, it  helps me out in my daily living, I correct myself - I just listed some of the immediate benefits I have seen on daily blogging and self forgiveness. I am sure there are more to come, but for me it has been very important because before I was not trusting on myself on my job for example and now I am more relaxed and at ease because I know what I am capable of doing.

I don't know dear reader what points you are struggling with, but it would help to write them out and forgive yourself as I have been doing lately.

Before, I knew about self forgiveness, but the course that helped me understand it better and start to know how my mind works to be able to help myself is the Desteni I Process Lite. It is a free online course that helps you help yourself, through giving you essential Life skills.

Whenever I stumble upon a Steemian that needs help or anyone in general, I wish they could hear me and walk the DIP Lite. It is not the easiest path looking it from the outside, but it is the fastest easiest way to deal with any problem you may face in your life, anything at all. I can attest to that and the only way you can see if this is true or not is by testing it out.

With walking the DIP Lite I get the tools and the know-how necessary to take responsibility for myself and my life.

So I can't really cheer you up, but I can show you how I have been able to cheer myself up, and it is through having walked DIP Lite and daily blogging, along with applying what I write about in my daily living. And it is a Journey that I am sharing with you, that I commit myself to walk at least 7 years of daily blogging  - so it is not finished, but now I found a purpose, of bettering myself and my life, and if I can assist others in the process, I am very glad.

Cheers

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Day 64: Self-Doubt vs Self-Trust

Sometimes I don't have the time to blog, and that's cool, but some other times I have a little bit of time and try to make it work. It is what is happening today where I have a little time. What can I tell you in a little time? What can I tell me? Will it be less valuable because it is told in a little time? Or more valuable because I try to sum it up? Life is not always what we expect. Today was a good day, I managed to wait six tables that came more or less around the same time. I say life it is not what you expect because you can't always expect to have a lot of time to do things, sometimes you have to make it fit. As I was saying today was a good day, I am more grounded at work and more certain of my capacity as a waiter. So today the theme is about Self-Doubt, about why have I doubted myself in my life in general and in my work - how have I doubted myself when seeing that when I apply myself in something, be it waitressing or studying for example for the driving test - I get good results.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself instead of applying myself to be the best I can be in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust that I can do things well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself eventhough I can see I have the capacity for doing things well/I am capable of doing things well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the experience of having failed in the past to 'set in' and make me doubt myself in everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the equation of doing and obtaining where if I put effort I obtain results, and this is generally true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being a good waiter, fear not passing an exam instead of trusting my training, of trusting myself.

I commit myself to remind myself to trust myself in what I do.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Day 63: End Your Problems



Today I did an improvised candle with a lighter and a rubber band. You know, putting the rubber band around the lighter button, the rubber band kept the lighter button pressed- lol. All kinds of things we can invent, silly things like the one I 'invented' today or more advanced things. We can also invent a dysfunctional self or a functional self. By default we create ourselves in general as a working yet dysfunctional self in that we have addictions and patterns that prevent us from being the best version of ourselves. And you see, we don't have to judge ourselves because we didn't know better, but we have to correct ourselves once we are aware of the problems and know how to solve them.

Like Lao Tzu said: 'Stop thinking, and end your problems'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself to walk the solution to my problems/addictions.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself to walk my problems/addictions into solutions applying the tools of self-honesty, self forgiveness and practical application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the full opportunity to stop my problems/stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look into and let run rampant my problems and addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to that walking process means to stop my problems effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to see that the challenges I face are my problems and my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully challenge my problems and my addictions as the main tasks I face currently in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see problems and addictions as a cool challenge to challenge myself and test myself out on my resolve, directiveness and assertiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live fully the statement 'Stop thinking and end your problems'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling onto my problems and limitations and addictions in fear of change, fear of the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by continuing participation in my limitations as problems and addictions, so I don't change - to not have to take responsibility for myself and the world as a whole.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are there to challenge my resolve, so I face them with joy and eagerness as I test myself and my resolve to stop them.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are not something to dread or be afraid of, but to 'play' with by stopping them effectively to see how stronger we are than they are.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am in fact stronger than my problems and my addictions - and that I can't see it yet because I have not really faced them with all that I've got.

I commit myself to stop my limitations as problems and addictions, so that I allow myself to change to a better version of myself and take responsibility for myself and the world.

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Day 62: Valuing Myself Despite Everything


If I look at myself and my life I have 'fallen' many times. But it is not the many times I have fallen but the many times that I have stood up. I have had to start over many times, but it is not the many times I have had to start over but the fact that I am still on path. It doesn't matter that my path has been at times in circles but that I have found a way to stop them. It is not a matter of how long it has taken me to really start walking seriously but the fact that I am pushing daily to walk steadfast.

It is not time to look back in regret for the time I have lost, or entertain the thought of what if, who would I be now had I walked differently - but to learn from my mistakes and walk knowing where are my pitfalls, what do I need to do to not repeat the same mistakes again.

To learn from the past to not repeat the same mistakes, and never look back  - but forgive and let go.

In the past I waited for something that would make me change, now I don't wait anymore as I have already a lot of stuff to deal with and waiting will simply add more stuff making it more difficult to stand up for myself - so always, the best time to start is here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of who would I be had I walked differently in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that despite everything, I am still walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that mistakes are there to learn from them and not repeat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that I have stood up for myself as many times as I have fallen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my strenght in being here walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my strenght to reinforce myself daily to be stronger to walk effectively and push for change effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and value myself as a force to be reckoned, for I have despite everything being able to be back, walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I commit myself to let go of the past, and never look back, but instead walk daily effectively, pushing for self-change and self-improvement.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can be and become so much more if I apply my will to walk into changing myself effectively.

I commit myself to not wait for something to happen in order for me to change, but instead push for change daily no matter what.

I commit myself to start over the necessary times until I have it done, starting over every day if necessary, as every day is a new opportunity for change.

I commit myself to use every day as an opportunity for self-change and self improvement.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Day 61: When Someone Dies




Today I attended a funeral. It was the funeral of my science teacher's wife.She was 71 and had been ill for a while. The death of this woman made me think about my life, how I have to push more, not be so complacent with myself, it is a reminder of the short time we have here on Earth and that we don't know when we are going to go, when our time is up.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent with myself and not push myself effectively for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about pushing myself for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the time I have here on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my time here on Earth is limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things right just because someone else is gone now and it might be my turn next, instead of doing it by principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in fear of dying instead of self-movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying instead of focusing on doing what is best for all at all times so if I die I would die knowing that I did my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I am not going to die.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that tomorrow I will still be alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that next breathe I will still be alive.

I commit myself to remind myself that I could die at any moment, so I have to live in a way that if I was to die the next breathe, I'd be satisfied with my life - so walk the principle of what is Best for All.

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Day 60: Why I'd Probably Be Dead if I Lived in the USA


There is much fuss about gun control now because of the recent mass shootings in USA. I live in Spain. See, as a Bipolar there was a time I didn't know I was one. And I went in to a manic depression. And I wanted to kill myself. And lukily I didn't have a gun around the house to use, nor was I able to purchase one.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete suicide.(1)

See, there has to be a protection for mental health patients, because you can't tell someone is bipolar and on a manic depression just by looking at them. I could have gone to a USA gun shop and no one would have known. Also, because in my manic depresion I had persecutory delusions that I was being chased by police, who knows if I would have turned the guns to them as well. It would have snowballed and people would have been killed, myself first.

There has to be a protection about people themselves, no one knows if they will become bipolar, if they have bipolar subjacent in them, waiting to be activated by something we don't yet know - as I don't know what activated my bipolar disorder, it somply came up where there was no prior mental health issues, and eventhough I was in hospital they didn't know it was bipolar disorder until later on that I had a 'high' manic episode where I was not depressed but vey active and with delusion as well, but more positive themed.

Overall, access to guns has to be more difficult, like there is in Spain, or even better, something like a full day course like they do in Japan, where yes, they would have detected something was off with me in my manic depression, as well as an interview with a psychologist, that would have helped. What surely wouldn't have helped is having guns at home for me, or being able to purchase guns like they do in USA.

Thanks for reading


Bibliography:

1. Goodwin FK, Jamison KR. Manic-Depressive Illness. New York: Oxford University Press; 1990. [Ref list]