Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Day 32: Lessons From a Homeless Lady


Today I was going home from work and an old lady stopped me, she wanted me to help her get her trolley up the road as it was uphill and rough with rocks at the pavement, not cool for the trolley's wheels. I have seen her around the city, she lives in the streets and uses her trolley like a snail with all her belongings. Also I have seen her at the mental hospital when I was there commited, so I even know her name, we were there together at the same time. I have seen that she at times talk to herself but I don't know what her diagnosis is.

So I help her with the trolley up hill and she tells me to go slowly, and it is true, because the terrain is rough if I go fast I will get tired fast and also stuff could fall from the trolley.

I had two sandwitches that they gave me at work and when I mentioned freshly made sandwitches her eyes widened - I told her what they were of so she could choose the one she liked more. She told me to keep the one I liked more and to give her the other one. I left her the two sandiwches as I was going home and could eat there.

Two things: One is that people with mental health problems or anyone should not live on the streets - most likely she cannot keep a job due to her mental problems so it is not fair that she has to live on the streets because she can't work. That's why I support the Living Income Guaranteed by the Equal Life Foundation - so no one falls through the cracks of the system and ends up on the street

The other one is the lesson that this old lady taught me, that in front of difficult problems one has to move slowly and securely, like crossing a river going from stone to stone, it is better to go slowly than to go fast and slip into the water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tend to rush in front of difficult problems, instead of walking conscientiously step by step, even if that means going slowly - but securely.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to secure what I do that is difficult by walking it slowly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated whenever I move slowly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that moving slowly is required sometimes when what I am doing is difficult.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that sometimes moving slowly is the only way forward, because if I rush I will not accomplish the thing that I set out to do.

I commit myself to live the word patience whenever I am facing a difficult task, so that I walk it slowly and effectively.







Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Day 31: I Am Bipolar

Being able to say that is a blessing, because before I did know I was bipolar I was extremely unstable in that I had experiences that I could not pinpoint what they were, events where I was a bit mad, didn't know what had happened to me and it was because of being bipolar that I decompensated and I experienced things that are not real.

It is important to name the things that happen to us because otherwise we do not know if they will happen to us in the future because we don't know what they are. Now I know when I am going into decompensation, when I am going to go 'up the ladder' to hypomania and mania, the road to illusion, and I simply have to up a bit the dose of my medication and I that's it, my doctor does that for me.

I see people on the street that talk to themselves, I don't know what they have but if they are bipolar they might be in a manic episode thinking things that are not real. If they had the diagnosis that I've had they would have an easier life and not simply being labeled as 'mad'.

I found that while I was hypomanic I would be more creative but also I have found that now that I am stable I am even more creative when I put myself to create, whereas on hypomania I was more disorganized now I can create a song easily or do more paintings.

I do not miss being hypomanic, that 'creativity' because I have found creativity being stable. I don't miss the moments where I imagined I was more than I am, had more power because I realize it wasn't real.

I do not miss the moments of being on manic depression, thinking that everyone was against me, people were after me and things like that, I was terrified, now I know it is all an illusion too.

So overall, if you think you might be bipolar and you don't know, get it checked out because if you are, reconizing it and accepting it is the first step to freedom, to be stable and be able to direct your life, and forget of lows and highs and instead live stability - where you can also find creativity if you explore it.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Day 30: Laziness


The last day or two I've allowed myself to be lazy, sleeping too much. What this causes is that then I find myself at work or sleeping witch is not nice as I don't have free time.

Today at work I was not on point from the begginning, I was a bit sleepy maybe because of sleeping too much. Also during the day sleeping for more than one hour, it is too much, with 20 minutes it is enough.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I want to sleep a lot, when in fact I don't need to sleep that much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep more hours than I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I sleep more I will be more rested which is not true for oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I sleep too much I am sleepy at work as well.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my day for other than work or sleep.

Whenever I see that I want to oversleep, I stop and I breathe. I realize that if I oversleep I will be sleepy for more time.

I commit myself to not oversleep, as I have seen it makes me sleepy and not more rested.

Whenever I see I want to sleep durng the day I stop and I breathe. I realize I don't need to sleep during the day, but that I can rest for about 20-40 minutes maximum.

I commit myself to not rest/sleep for more than 20-40 minutes during the day.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Day 29: The Loss of my Dog

I had a dog, I liked him very much. He was a German Shepperd. One day I must have been around 8 or 9 I was at the park playing and one older grown up female was bothering me, not letting me play by the slide how I wanted, so I went home and got the dog, went to the park again and set the dog on her, I wanted to scare her because she was stronger than me but not stronger than my dog, but the dog bit her a little.

One day my dog had to be put down because he bit a young man more seriously, he was at home and this man came with a motorbike, and he jumped the man. That day I was very angry with the world, and wanted to send all to shit, like I did not care anymore - I was a little boy, but that created an impact in me.

So I was very angry with the world but in fact I was hiding that I was angry with me because I had taught the dog that it was ok to bit people when I brought him to the park to 'defend me' from the bully grown up female. Maybe it was not all that played in the equation of him bitting seriously a young man but it musth have played a big part.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the world because Flip had to be put down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world for my dog having to be put down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to act in spitfulness since my dog had ben taken from me - then I did not care about anything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world is to blame for the death of my dog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a lack of education of my dog was what killed him.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the world's fault that my dog was uneducated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the anger of having lost my dog, instead of letting it go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'hold it against the wolrd' having lost my dog, when it is in fact not so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in fact I was angry with me for having educated my dog that it is ok to bite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world to not have to face the reality that I had taught my dog to bite and that it caused its death more likely.

Whenever I see I want to blame the world for the death of my dog, hold it against the world, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I played a big part in my dog biting people and that I should not blame the world for having educated my dog in the wrong way.


Saturday, May 27, 2017

Day 28: Straightforward Blog Titles


How to try to get more views and fail in the process.

Since the beggining of this blog I have been looking at how many likes and views each post got, for example today is Saturday and I thought 'oh I have to post today' - as I do every day - to not miss those views. 

For the titles instead of being straightforward I have tried to post 'catchy titles' so as to get more visits. In the end if I want someone to find my blog post that talks about a specific topic, it is best that I don't try to come up with catchy titles but instead a title that relates to the topic. 
For example, yesterday's title was 'Day 27:I Am Not That' in relation to that I am not defined by being bipolar in relation to females, when it could have been more straightforward 'Being Bipolar and Females' this way someone that wants to hear about the topic will read the blog and that's it, because 'I Am Not That' is too vague and in the end does not achieve the purpose to get more views simply because it is enigmatic - best to be straightforward.

The best example is my blog post 'Day 26:Gas explosion' - where I explain how doing many things at once led to that happening - I thought the title would get more views because it is shoking - but it got the opposite, it got the less amount of views of all my posts. The blog post could have been instead 'Doing Many Things At Once'.

This all proves that it is not best to try to come up with ingenious titles to get more views but titles that describe the content - and that trying to get more views gave me the opposite, interesting.

Also looking so much at how many views/likes I get is like looking for recognizion from outside of myself, so somewhere I am not recognizing myself, and in wanting to get recongizion I got less views because so this was sort of a wake up call saying, wake up, you don't need recongizion from outside.

Also if one straightforward post reaches someone and it assists them to change or expand this is more valuable that doing many flashy blog posts that don't reach anyone on a deep level, maybe because the people that would benefit from reading my post don't read it because the title is not related with the content.

So from now on I commit myself to post descriptive titles that match with the content of the blog post so that everyone is well informed and they read a blog post that match the title, because on a deep level we know what we need and if the title of the blog post is what we need to read we will read it - and this is why the title and the blog post need to match, the title beind descriptive of the blog post.

It is not how many views I get but if I get 'The Views' from people that would benefit from reading my blogs, it could be very few and yet I would be 'hitting the spot' because people would be benefitting from my blog.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get more views on my blogposts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to put catchy/attractive titles to my blog posts to get more views.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get recongizion from my blog posts instead of me recongizing myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to reconize myself and want to get it from views on my blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in my desire to get more views I was creating the opposite by posting vague titles that I thought were catchy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belive I have more value the more views I get in my blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not the amount of views I get but the quality of the blog posts, as one blog post can reach one being on a deep level and many flashy blog posts maybe don't reach anyone on a deep level of change.

Whenever I see I want to get more views on my blog post, I stop and I breathe. I remind miself that it is not how many views I get but if I get 'The Views' from people that would benefit from reading my blogs, it could be very few and yet I would be 'hitting the spot' because people would be benefitting from my blog.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Day 27: I Am Not That


Yesterday I attended a support group for bipolars and at the building that it is held there was a new concierge, an attractive female. When I arrived I said I was going upstairs instead of saying I was gowing to the support group, then she asked me again because she knew the meeting was being held and there had been a change in the room it was held so then I said I am going to the support group.
I had resistance to say I was going to the support group, not wanting her to know I am bipolar right away, so I have this fear of females knowing I am bipolar and rejecting me for that.

So I have realized I am not defined by being bipolar, bipolar is something that I live with/that I have but it does not define who I am, therefore it has no effect in getting a partner.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear females rejecting me when knowing I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see bipolar as a bad thing to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected if a female knows I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide the fact that I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to own to the fact that I am bipolar towards females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than other males because I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to not be bipolar so that I am 'worthy of a female'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less worthy of a female for being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I will be loved for who I am and not for what issues i might have such as bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'getting a female' is like a competiotion where if you have an issue you have less points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe getting a partner is a competition instead of seeing that two people agreeing to be together is not a competition but an agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as bipolar, and within that be less than those that do not have bipolar.

I commit myself to remind myself that bipolar is not who I am, but something I live with, something I have but that does not define who I am.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not less than those that don't have bipolar, as being bipolar is not who I am.

Whenever I see I resist females knowing I am bipolar, I stop and I breathe. I realize that being bipolar is not who I am and therefore it does not count as being less towards having an agreement with a female.

I commit myself to disregard being bipolar when approaching females as I see realize and understand it has no effect in who I am.

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Day 26: Gas explosion

Yesterday I was in a rush, I was heating my meal in the microwave, then I wanted to take a shower, it was late to go to work. When I was undressing I remembered I had to change the gas source, I went to change the gas source half undressed and because I had left the water open and I did the change incorrectly there was a little explosion of gas - nothing happened - but it was a bit of a shock. My flatmate came rushing, what happened! and I said 'nothing', I don't like to say I fucked up right away. The gas heater was ok. Afterwards I told my flatmate what happened.

So this is to show how I can't rush and do a lot of things at the same time as things will literally explode - lol -.

I tried to do lots of things at the same time without finishing the previous ones, for example the microwave was beeping because the meal was ready but I was not there to stop it. Then I was half undressed and went to change the gas source. I went to change the gas source without stopping the running water. The explosion caught me with my pants down - lol.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to start many things without finishing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncareful with the gas heater when I was rushing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not finish the things I started when rushing.

Whenever I see that I am in a rush, I start and finish things as much as possible and do perilous things carefully such as gas stuff.

Whenever I see that I am in a rush I stop and I breathe. I try to start and finish tasks so I don't have many things running at once that I can't handle.

I commit myself to organize myself to do the tasks when I am in a rush so that I am not 'all over the place' and don't risk myself or others integrity.

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Day 25: Too Tired?

Last night I was coming from work very tired from my legs and I had to do more work once home but I simply went to bed instead of planning to do my work later or doing it at the moment.

But is this really true? If I had a child for example, I would have to go to work and then at home I would have to continue caring for it for example, and I would be able to do it because I would not have another option.

So I have to take energy from wherever it is, or is it energy that I need?


I see I have this concept of energy that once it runs out I can't do antying more, but this is not in fact so, it is more an excuse to give up.
I forgive myself to utilize being tired as an excuse to give up and not do that tasks I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am too tired from work to do more work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep without planning to to my other work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that with my main work I already have a lot of work to do and that I can't do more work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself believing that the main work I do waiting tables already is too much work and that I can't do more work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my work 'drains me of energy'

I forgive myself that I have a limited supply of energy and that once I run out I can't do anything more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I dont have such a thing as  a 'container of energy' and once it runs out I don't have more energy.

Whenever I see that I believe I don't have more energy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't consist of energy and that I can do so much more than my accepted and allowed beliefs.

Whenever I see that I think that my work is already too much, I stop and I breathe. I realize that even if I have my legs tired I can still for example work sitting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of 'I don't have more energy' to give up and not do the work I could do because I am a bit tired.

I commit myself to find ways to rest and to work past my percieved limitations of energy, which are not real.

I commit myself to push past my percieved limitations of 'I don't have more energy' to prove myself that it is not real.

Whenever I see that I believe that I am a container of energy that has run out, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not a battery that runs out and I can push myself to do so much more than I think I can.

Whenever I see that I am tired and want to give up I stop and I breathe. I realize that if I give up is not because I am tired but because I give up utilizing the excuse I am tired, when I could continue doing stuff and not give up.

I commit myself to not give up when I am tired, but continue to do what I can commonsensically.

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Day 24: Some Tao

Sometimes I forget of my greatness, then I read a passage of the Tao and its passages remind me of it.

34
The great Tao flows everywhere.
All things are born from it,
yet it doesn’t create them.
It pours itself into its work,
yet it makes no claim.
It nourishes infinite worlds,
yet it doesn’t hold on to them.
Since it is merged with all things
and hidden in their hearts,
it can be called humble.
Since all things vanish into it
and it alone endures,
it can be called great.
It isn’t aware of its greatness;
thus it is truly great.

Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching

'All things are born from it, yet it doesn't create them.' It means we have the same qualities or proprieties of the Tao since we are born from it.

40
Return is the movement of the Tao.
Yielding is the way of the Tao.

All things are born of being.
Being is born of non-being.

A good example of non-being is a cup, what makes the cup usable is the empty space within it. How can you use a cup that is already full? So we have to become empty, then we are use-full, on full use.

'Return is the movement of the Tao.' So we have to become like a child again, it was born without a mind.

47
Without opening your door,
you can open your heart to the world.
Without looking out your window,
you can see the essence of the Tao.

The more you know,
the less you understand.

The Master arrives without leaving,
sees the light without looking,
achieves without doing a thing.

'The Master arrives without leaving,' because we are already our own Masters.

'Without looking out your window, you can see the essence of the Tao.' Because it is the I that is the essence of the Tao.

56
Those who know don’t talk.
Those who talk don’t know.

Close your mouth,
block off your senses,
blunt your sharpness,
untie your knots,
soften your glare,
settle your dust.
This is the primal identity.

Be like the Tao.
It can’t be approached or withdrawn from,
benefited or harmed,
honored or brought into disgrace.
It gives itself up continually.
That is why it endures.

No point of going about talking about the Tao all the time. I don't try to outsmart everyone. This passage more or less says 'chill out'.

So I recommend everyone to read more of the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu, this translation is by Stephen Mitchel which is very good.

Monday, May 22, 2017

Day 23: Inner Creativity

'Birdie' by me


Before I was at the hospital I did not think much of painting or other creative stuff. When I was at the hospital for bipolar I was very closed within me, in a 'manic depression'. Then I started to paint, paitning is cool because is an expression of us and it starts with a blank slate and everything can flow from this, it is infinite the different expressions that can come out, and it is cool to see that everyone's expression is different, because what is on the paper is oneself.

I expanded my painting to music, composing some simple songs that my colleagues at uni liked. Now I know I can put myself to be creative or create because it is me, so there is no need to force it out or I don't need something external to be creative, I simply put myself to do it, be it painting or composing music/lyrics - because I am accessing me

So do explore and find cool stuff in art, it helped me get out of my closedness in depression and it is fun.



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't be creative/artistic.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need something external/special in order to be creative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't paint/write music.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the expression in creativity is me and thus I can access it whenever I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not explore myself within creativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be creative but not put myself to create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people that is create have something that I don't have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that drugs are necessary in order to be creative.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that being a creator encompasses all, from the power to create my life to the power to create a painting or a song, as everything is creation.

Whenever I see that I compare myself with someone that is creative I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am equal to them and I can also access my creative potential.

I commit myself to explore myself within my creative potential as I may find a suprise/gift within it.

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Day 22: Wouldn't it Be Nice?


Recently I remembered the song by the Beach Boys 'Wouldn't it be nice?' and I found a remix  that displayed a couple seemingly on holidays by the beach, everything super idillic that made me drool like 'oh that would be nice', seemingly a perfect couple in a perfect spot, by the sea, with a boat and they even get to do surfing! 


At times I forget about living life, like I can only think of duty and chores in the future and not give myself some treats, so yeah it would be nice to have all that appears in the video, as it says "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older and we woudn't have to wait so long"  For me my life has been about waiting, maybe later maybe in years to come I will do this and that or have this or that but years have come and gone and nothing has materialized, because I realize that I have to create my reality, I mean, unless I create for myself what I want to experience I will not have it. 

In the past when I was a young boy - lol - my mother took us to do surf, which was really cool, and I have not done it since. So maybe I will some day go again to do surf soon. Wouldn't it be nice? 

My latter birthdays were not cool for me because I was seeing how years passed but nothing that I had thought would come ever came, now I realize I have to materialize, make things happen or they won't happen, and I can't be angry at them not happening because I am the creator of my experiences in my life.

So I commit myself to enjoy life more, from enjoying more food to why not, enjoying some holidays.


I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I create my reality, and I have to create that which I want to experience in this lifetime, as things will not 'come to me' - how is that even possible?

I forgive mself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want 'things to come to me' instead of me creating them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry because I 'dont have the things I want' instead of creating them for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become the creator of my life at all levels, be it 'work or play'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'wait for my life to happen' instead of making it happen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am the creator of my life and that 'time won't bring me anyhting' - I will bring me everything.

I commit myself to desire to do things intstead of planning and making things happen for me in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'things come with age' instead that realizing that the only thing that come with age is age itself and all other things I have to create for myself.

I commit myself to create my life and the things I want to experience in this lifetime.

I commit myself to not wait for things to happen, but to create the experiences I want to experience for myself in this lifetime, and not wait for them to happen.

Whenever I see that I am 'waiting for my life to happen' I stop and I breathe, I realize that I am the creator of my life and that I have to plan what is that I want to experience for it to happen.

Whenever I see I am expecting things to come by themselves only because of age, I stop and I breathe, I realize that with age I will only get more birthdays but not the fun activities I could do at those birthdays as that I have to create that myself - or anything I want to experience in my life.

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Day 21: 21 Days To Freedom

I have used the 21 days to freedom to stop addictions, whatever you are addicted to or whatever habit you want to stop, be it smoking, addiction to sugar, addiction to porn, whatever. You stop for 21 days and then you are free from the addiction and can continue without doing it.

What I have found from walking this is that now I can take a decision in a moment to stop something and I know I am stopping it for real, that I will walk the decision.

So try it, do you want to stop something that is bothering you, do the 21 days to freedom,what do you have to lose? If you fail let's say you want to stop masturbating to porn and you masturbate to porn at day 3, you start over again and count 21 days, you start again until you have it done.

And that is the secret to free yourself from any and all addictions.

Check this links for more self-support.

desteni.org
desteniiprocess.com
eqafe.com



I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I won't be able to stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my addictions power over me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can't stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have not really applyed an organized method to stop my addictions thus why I failed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 21 days to stop an addiction is too simple for it to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping my addiction will take me forever.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk the correction to stop my
addiction unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that stopping my addiction will be too difficult.

Whenever I think I won't be able to stop my addiction I stop and I breathe. I realize that for me to stop my addiction I have to simply stop, and continue stopping it until it is done.

I commit myself to stop my addiction until it is done and I am free from the addiction.

Whenever I see I think stopping my addiction will be too difficult, I stop and I breathe. I realize that maybe I will have to start over the 21 days to freedom more times because it is more difficult, but every time I will last more and more time until I am free from my addiction.

I commit myself to walk the 21 days to freedom for my addiction regardless of the time I think it will take me.

Friday, May 19, 2017

Day 20: Nice Food

If you want to take something,
you must first allow it to be given.

Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching

At the restaurant where I work I see much abundance, we serve very nice food. I wonder if we could expand this and have everyone on earth have as much abundance wouldn't it be cool? Us first world countries should make sure this can happen, firstly by establishing abundance in our own countries and then the rest of the world.

If a country is governed wisely,
its inhabitants will be content.
They enjoy the labor of their hands
and don't waste time inventing
labor-saving machines.
Since they dearly love their homes,
they aren't interested in travel.
There may be a few wagons and boats,
but these don't go anywhere.
There may be an arsenal of weapons,
but nobody ever uses them.
People enjoy their food,
take pleasure in being with their families,
spend weekends working in their gardens,
delight in the doings of the neighborhood.
And even though the next country is so close
that people can hear its roosters crowing and its dogs barking,
they are content to die of old age
without ever having gone to see it.

Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching

To ensure that everyone is provided in our countries and worldwide it is suggested to investigate the Living Income Guaranteed, so that everyone is supported and has the basic needs met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that abundance for the whole world is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there are enough resources in this world to take care of all effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there are already the infrastructures necessary to produce food for the whole world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate solutions to end poverty on my own country and the rest of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that change in the world is not possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that prosperity and abundance in our country and the world is a matter of organization and political determination.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a world in abundance is possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire abundance for myself only.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in order to have permanent abundance we must give to all on earth abundance.

I commit myself to investigate and implement solutions for this world that ensure abundance for everyone.

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Day 19: Just What The Doctor Ordered



If you want to shrink something,
you must first allow it to expand.
If you want to get rid of something,
you must first allow it to flourish.

Lao Tzu - Tao Te Ching

When I was hypomaniac the doctor insisted so much that I take medication or I could go more into mania, however I did not have the experience of that and I did not believe completely what he was saying and because I felt good I did not see the need to take medication. I did not take medication and I went into mania a short time later. You can read more about mania and hypomania here and here.

What this means is that as my psychiatrist says, experience is nontransferable, so maybe this is why we are so fucked up in this world, maybe existentially we wanted to live self interest because it felt good and now we are seeing the results of living self interest which is a world which half of it starves and the elite lives in greed.

If you want to shrink something, you must allow it to expand. If you want to get rid of something, you must allow it to flourish. What does it mean? We have lived already self interest and now individual people's life will start to crash and fail and we will wonder why - time to wake up - live the principle of What is Best for All to truly evolve as species. Investigate Desteni. Walk the Desteni Lite Process.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self interest disregarding what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the fact of the state of the world where half of it starves and want to continue living self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living self interest I will attain something of value - whereas I cannot take with me my possessions in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my possessions and live to lead a consumerism lifestyle, from objects to sex to power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deviate from living the principle of what is best for all to lead the consumerism lifestyle, in self interest, disregarding life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that living self interest will have no consequences, where there is ample evidence of what living self interest leads to as this world where half of it starves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'tempted' to live self interest instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that self interest is not the system I would want to leave here for children to come.

Whenever I see that I want to live self interest and disregard what is best for all, I stop and I breathe. I realize that what i Best for All is best for me, it includes what is best for me so I let go of self interest because self interest is a game of win and lose where I will inevitably lose, in life and/or death.

I commit myself of letting go of self interest, as I realize the real 'self interest' is to do what is Best for All and the other 'self interest' as it exists in this world is merely a competition casino game where one will inevitably lose.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Day 18: Taking the shortest route

Today I dreamed that I was on top of a castell which is a human tower and I was falling along with another man, from very high, while going down I could grasp to a balcony but the fat man I was falling with clinged to me and we continued falling together. I was angry at the man and told him I would put him facing to the floor first and me on top so I don't get hurt because I was angry he did not allow me to cling to the balcony and this way not fall to the floor. Finally we fell to the floor and nothing happened, it was painless. After that I was still angry with the man and argued he could have let me cling to the balcony and go down through that building although that would have meant more time as the building was full of people watching the human tower.

The man was the whole trip down laughing or grinning.

So this is to see that I have to take the shortest route to my goals even if it is scary or seems impossible. And I have to laugh all the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the shortest route to my goals because I find some of them scary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the shortest route to my goals that seem impossible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to walk despite something being seemingly impossible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that impossible means 'I'm possible' - so nothing is impossible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the solution that is shortest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to go where there is resistance as it is the shortest route, whereas the easy route is the longest or infinite route.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that once I have the task done I will see that it was not painful at all - although there might have been a lot of resistance and maybe fear too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the easy route instead of seeing that the shortest is the one I resist.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that since we are in a space-time reality it very much favours me to take the easy route as then I can accomplish more goals in my lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk the common sense I see of the shortest route available.

Whenever I see I am not walking a path because it seems impossible, I stop and I breathe. I realize that whatever seems impossible at one point and be possible the next moment, so I walk regardless of what I think of the point.

I commit myself to walk regardless of what I think of a point being possible or impossible.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Day 17: Managing money

In the past I had been uncareful with money, specially with bipolar, when I was in a hypomanic stage, I did not plan carefully what to do with money and instead spent it or lent it to close people without thinking too much, this caused problems where I basically went broke.

You can read more about hypomania here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncareful with money while on hypomania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give money away without thinking the alternatives or what can be done to not spend so much money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust other people with money instead of seeing, realizing or understanding that when it comes to money it is better to not trust people with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy unnecessary stuff while on hypomania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create negative consequence for M in my uncaring dealings with money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can buy stuff just because it feels good to do so - without looking at the budget.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy stuff because it feels good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mismanage money to the point of having to ask for money from R

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mismanage money to the point of going broke.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust with money to the point of going broke.

Whenever I see I want to trust people with money, I stop and I breathe. I look for another way so that I don't have to trust people with money, as there is most of the time another way.

I commit myself to remind myself that I cannot trust people with money as most of the time it will end badly.

Whenever I see I feel good and want to spend money, I stop and I breathe. I realize that if I am in hypomania I have to be extra careful with money as I have the tendency to overspend because I feel good.

I commit myself to spend money with budgeting and disregard if I feel good or not.

Whenever I see I want to lend money to someone, I stop and I breahte, I realize that I have to stand on my own two feet and other people too and that I can't be lending money specially seeing how it has been abused even by close people.

I commit myself to look for other ways when close people ask me for money and see if they really need it.

Monday, May 15, 2017

Day 16: Are you slow?

Yesterday I was chatting with the workers of the restaurant next to ours and one guy asked me, are you a bit slow? And I said, no. And he said he's seen me a bit slow but I explained that it was because there was not a lot of work at the particular moment he saw me.

This guy unknowingly was challenging a point I had walked in self forgiveness where I was working at a slow pace to 'preserve energy' but now I changed it to go 'full on' as the body does not need to hold back and can simply go for it and be rejuvenated in doing physical activity.

This guy then said 'oh I had a bad preconceived idea about you' and talked to the others if they could hire me - lol - as they have a lot of work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work slowly to preserve energy instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the physical body is cool with going for it and doing physical activities, not holding back or preserving the body as it is not how it works.

You can read more about preserving energy not being necessary but unadvised where I learnt about it in the blog post by Leila Zamora Moreno 'Conserving Energy is Exhausting'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am doing myself and my body a favour by working in a 'chill out manner' not seeing that I was being incompetent in my job and feeding my mind instead of being here in my body working the best I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here in my physical body doing the physical activities as efficient and fast as I can within common sense.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to unlock my potential as what I can do with my physical body as physical work within the belief that I have to preserve energy of my body.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I do at work of applying myself to do my best with my physical body, I can also do outside of work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others calling me slow as the bad consequences it can have ultimately being fired from my job if this persists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go fast at my job in fear they will find me slow and fire me, instead of going fast as an expression of me of being fast and efficient.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and  understand that whenever I try to preserve energy I am making myself more dull and whenever I don't try to preserve energy I am more rejuvenated.

I commit myself to remind myself to not try to preserve energy and 'going for it' at the job as it is the best I can do for me and the job.

Whenever I see I am moving in fear of being fired, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need fear to spear me to go fast but that I can simply apply myself to move efficiently and fast as an expression of me.

I commit myself to check whenever I am going fast if there is a fear that they will fire me if I go slower, to remove the fear and then continue going at the pace that it is best, not faster in fear but the right pace that is best for the job.

I commit myself to remind myself to slow down within going fast whenever I see that I am going too fast that I can create negative consequences such as breaking plates or injuring myself.

I commit myself to move at work within common sense and self-responsibility, going faster where I can and being patient where I have to.

Whenever I see that I fear others judging me as slow, I stop and I breathe. I realize that they might have seen me when there was no much work, and that I have to always take self-responsibility and see for myself where I can improve, and explain whenever I am being called slow if it is not so.

I commit myself to stand up for myself and communicate whenever I am being treated or judged unfairly.

Whenever I think that by going slow I am preserving energy, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I rest at sleep and during the day I can go and apply myself physically without holding back as the body can handle physical activity better than I think it can.







Sunday, May 14, 2017

Day 15: Sudden Fear

The other day I was at the train going home and suddenly I feared, this fear I could not link to anything future or past or anything in my surroundings. I simply experienced fear.

Yesterday I was waiting tables and I feared going to ask if everything was ok at a specific table, I went despite the fear and asked if everything was ok, and everything was ok. So I have to always disregard fear and do what is best because fear is irrelevant, harmless, is only a mindjob.

See, I was on the train, let's say the train is life, then I experienced fear, but I was still in the train going, then the fear stopped, I was still in the train going. This means that life goes on and fear can't alter or mess with life because it simply pops up and then disappears the same way it came. It will only have an effect if I react and this way allow the fear to have power over me and my life.

Fear is like a scary story for children, unless you believe it you will laugh at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take into consideration fear when taking decisions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to always act despite any fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the following: that I was in the train,  I experienced fear, I was still in the train after the fear so fear does nothing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fear doesn't have any power over me.

I forgive myself to believe that fear is real because it FEELS like it is real - but it is not - as it does not have any effect or impact on reality unless I decide to act on the fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that because fear is usually linked to something then I have to fear that something, which the truth is that fear is not real and does not say anything of that something that the fear is linked to.

Whenever I see that I fear, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that fear is not real, and that it will go away the same way it came.

I commit myself to breathe and let go of fear whenever it appears.

I commit myself to remind myself that fear will go away the same way it came in.

Whenever I see that I want to change my relationship with something because I fear that something, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the fear is not real and that I should not change my relationship to anything only because I experience fear related to that thing.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that fear is not real, even if it is linked to something real.

Whenever I think that fear has power over me, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am real and cannot accept or allow myself to be controlled by something that is not real, an illusion, such as fear.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Day 14: Being a waiter

A teacher I had at school in my teenager years  found me waiting tables at a restaurant, she asked me, you are a waiter? And I replied with oh no I also go to uni. I attached inferiority to being a waiter as if I am less for waiting tables as a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe waiting tables is 'an inferior job'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a waiter is being a servant/slave to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everyone serves everyone in this life: Parents serve children, teachers serve children, businessmen serve clients etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am simply serving our clients and that it does not mean I am inferior to our clients or other people that do other jobs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the gifts in being a waiter as what I can get from it to expand myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge being a waiter as boring despite proving to myself that when I work I am not bored.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that waiting tables will make me dull when I have met people that have been waiting tables for a very long time that are not dull at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that waiting tables I can develop skills that are not necessarily 'intellectual' but that does not mean that they are less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare intellectual skills with practical skills.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how waiting tables can help me in being grounded here in reality as I have to work with reality/physicality to get the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being a waiter as boring, dull and inferior because being a waiter requires skills that are not easy to develop thus I judged being a waiter so I don't have to put the effort into getting the skills to be good at it virtually giving up before I have started.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on the opportunity of being a waiter beforehand through judging the job as dull, boring and inferior, in separation form myself - all to not make the effort to learn the necessary skills.

Whenever I see that I judge being a waiter as inferior or dull, or boring I stop and I breathe. I realize that being a good waiter requires practical skills that one cannot learn 'intellectually' but that have to be lived so it is a skill that one has to develop in reality, a real skill and that it does not have to be compared to intellectual skills.

I commit myelf to remind myself that waiting tables require an effort and that I have judged it to not have to do the effort to get the skills necessary to be good at it - so whenever I see I judge being a waiter I stop and see what skill am I resisting to learn/to do effectively to instead do it/learn it and expand  myself.

Whenever I see that I compare being a waiter with being intellectual I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot compare knowing a maths formula and serving a client at the restaurant and that one has no more value over the other - furthermore simply knowing a formula will not serve me in this life if it is not applied while serving a costumer is something that adds up into a salary that supports me in this life - while also helping me being grounded in the physical. So waiting tables is a practical application while knowing a maths formula is simply knowledge that without application is useless.





Friday, May 12, 2017

Day 13: Speaking up


"The power of intuitive understanding will protect you from harm until the end of your days." - Lao Tzu


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stand up for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear of what might happen if I refuse to keep quiet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let fear control my actions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of others fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider other's reasons and fears as to why I should stop blogging.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to trust common sense and see what serves well the equality equation as what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that only someone uninformed would recommend against blogging, as I have seen how it is supportive for me and others on a deep level.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize the impact that blogging can have on other people's lives and that it is of utmost importance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to censor myself because of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will change how I blog because of others reading it.

I commit myself to do what is best for all - which includes what is best for me.

 Whenever I see that I fear to stand up for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize that nothing can happen to me, that I am safe.

I commit myself to stand up for myself no matter what.

Whenever I see that I have fear I stop and I breathe. I stop the fear and don't allow it to control my actions.

I commit myself to stop fear from determining my actions.

Whenever I am exposed to someone else's fears and reasons why I should stop blogging, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that blogging is good for me and for others, good for all - so I let go of wanting to please others, being recognised, and thus I do what is best.

I commit myself to always do what is best for all.

I commit myself to remind myself of the importance of blogging, as the power it has in changing people's lives, and thus the world.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Day 12: Unexpected Expected

 “When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield.” - Lao Tzu

Where I am living they don't like Desteni and threatened me to kick me out if I continue - they found this blog - Thus why it is set to private. Update: It is set to public and it will remain so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being kicked off where I stay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work with care at work, living care.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that who I am is untouchable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear friction with my co-living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear they will not attend reason when discussing Desteni.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my co-living to like Desteni.

Whenever I see I fear being kicked out of where I am, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to do what it takes to not be in dire straits and at the same time I have to direct things as they come, no use of fearing things.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can direct myself no matter the situation.

Whenever I see that I fear being 'on the streets', I stop and I breathe. I realise that every day I am on the streets, going to uni or to work or simply passing by and I don't have to fear it, simply take the necessary steps to have support to have a good living environment.

Whenever I see that I fear having no support, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am self-support.

Whenever I see I am not working with care at work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that my work requires care, so

I commit myself to live the word care

Whenever I see I fear friction with my co-living, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is not to fear communication as communication is the only way to understand each other.

I commit myself to stick to communication whenever I fear friction with my co-living.

Whenefer I see I want my co-living to like Desteni, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can't change people I can only explain.

I commit myself to stick to explaining if they want to hear, instead of wanting them to change.

Whenever I see I participate in fear, I stop and I breathe. I realize that fear is an illusion, so I forgive myself for participating in an illusion and let go of it.

I commit myself to forgive myself and let go of all my fears as they arise or I detect them in the past.




Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Day 11: Strengths in Problems

Found some gifts in bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from 'normal' because I have bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'not normal' because I have bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am indeed normal, only that I have had periods of instability in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others seeing me as 'incapacitated'/'incapable' for being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will treat me differently for having bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am stronger because of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how difficult times make me stronger.

I commit myself to remind myself that difficult times make me stronger.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can now face instability with greater effect because I've dealt with very high ups and very deep downs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can let go of addictions easily now because I have already experienced what it means to be very high up and how it does not make a difference in who I am in fact - as I have to deal with the same stuff every day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I can stop being afraid of fear as I have walked through utmost fear during manic depression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I can let go of fear of of others, as I have walked persecutory delusion and found out that it is not real/no one is 'out to get me'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can appreciate more being stable now that I have been very depressed and very euphoric.

I commit myself to remind myself of how simplicity of living and reality, this earth, is what is fascinating and there is nothing to discover/it is no way of living depression or euphoria as they simply are blinds/distortions that don't let us see the beauty of reality.

The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

I commit myself to live by the following principles, to apply them practically. Some of them I am already applying and some I have to apply or apply more.

  1. Realising and living my utmost potential
  2. Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all
  3. Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa
  4. Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realising I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I take responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others
  5. Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realising only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others
  6. Realising that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well
  7. Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others
  8. With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as you would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own
  9. Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honour and stand by what is best for all and so best for me
  10. Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what is means to LIVE
  11. No one can save you, save yourself – the realisation that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone
  12. Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realise I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realisation that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today
  13. Honouring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves
  14. Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one
  15. Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honour, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.
  16. Realising that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come
  17. I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my living actions, become a living example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realise how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth
  18. I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this living world.
  19. Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realising it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath
  20. Realising that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honour, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me
  21. We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realise this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without
  22. The realisation that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
  23. The realisation that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth.

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Day 10: Accepting things as they are at the moment

I am bipolar, well, I have to accept it as how it is at the moment. No use in reacting to it. I 'lost some of my time' in ups and downs - well, this is how it is, no use of reacting to that either. Maybe it all is the price for some gifts.

Today I dreamt I was in a sort of competition to gain attention, they had this bottle of vinegar that they would pass along and they would drink, I picked it up and drank a lot in a showy manner and helped win our team, which was a very good looking guy but that needed an extra push to win. When I was drinking the vinegar I thought well I can drink a lot because there are acids in the stomach as well, and everyone was amazed at how much I drank, but it is funny because it didn't taste of vinegar although it had the colouring of vinegar, it was like water to me.

So this dream is a good illustration having to 'take one for the team' although in the end it is not that bad, I don't care to have bipolar in this life, in this journey to life that I am in and we are all in as well, and it may seem from the exterior that I am suffering because I have bipolar but although I had rough times - and good times - it is not an issue for me, it contributes to assist myself and through that contribute to the bigger picture because being bipolar one can live what it means to participate in the extremes of the mind so it talks a lot about the mind and why it is important to stop it/manage it appropriately. I am doing the DIP Lite Course for that, because I see how I have been deluded by the mind and what happens in the extremes of feel-good and feel-bad and although one don't have to fear it it is not practical,so may as well get rid of it completely and be stable and happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to having 'lost time' due to being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'there is a straight path' and if I 'deviate from this straight path' then I am doing it wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see bipolar as a burden instead of as a gift.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that everyone's path to life will be different in what challenges one has to face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value enough the experiences I had during bipolar ups and downs - as there may lay some keys to my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the importance of the experiences I had during bipolar as what they tell about the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change when I have a lot of serotonin or when I have less of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that once one has bipolar's then their life is 'done'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see bipolar's for what it is, temporal imbalance of the chemicals in the brain that can be prevented through medicine and treatment.

Whenever I think I've lost time due to being bipolar, I stop and I breathe. I realize that everyone's  process is different and I don't have to judge mine.

I commit myself to not judge or compare my path to others as there is no use in doing that.

Whenever I see bipolar as a burden instead of a gift, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can help other bipolars and not bipolars through talking of experiences and insights and that I don't know what more can I do with bipolar yet.

I commit myself to investigate what is possible to do with bipolar.

Monday, May 8, 2017

Day 9: Mania

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated arousal, affect, and energy level, or "a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect."[1] Although mania is often conceived as a "mirror image" to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable; indeed, as the mania intensifies, irritability can be more pronounced and result in violence.
The nosology of the various stages of a manic episode has changed over the decades. The word derives from the Greek μανία (mania), "madness, frenzy"[2] and the verb μαίνομαι (mainomai), "to be mad, to rage, to be furious".[3]
The symptoms of mania are the following: heightened mood (either euphoric or irritable); flight of ideas and pressure of speech; and increased energy, decreased need for sleep, and hyperactivity. They are most plainly evident in fully developed hypomanic states; in full-blown mania, however, they undergo progressively severe exacerbations and become more and more obscured by other signs and symptoms, such as delusions and fragmentation of behavior. (...) Mania, however, may be divided into three stages: hypomania, or stage I; acute mania, or stage II; and delirious mania, or stage III. This "staging" of a manic episode is, in particular, very useful from a descriptive and differential diagnostic point of view. (...) 
Because mania and hypomania have also long been associated with creativity and artistic talent,[8] it is not always the case that the clearly manic bipolar person needs or wants medical help; such persons often either retain sufficient self-control to function normally or are unaware that they have "gone manic" severely enough to be committed or to commit themselves. Manic persons often can be mistaken for being on drugs. - Wikipedia 

Note: Being manic or in a manic episode is not being a maniac as in violent killer as it is portrayed in movies - lol. It is similar to being on drugs for a long time, some may become violent/irritable, some may play all day, some may rant and rave and believe things that are not real. What would you do? Who would you be?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be famous during hypomania and mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was a living fictional character while on mania.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I had interdimensional abilities during mania - without crossreferencing if that was so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had superior powers to change the world by myself during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed of my mania experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everyone was after me during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply limits when talking to others/talk too much while on manic and hypomanic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and make things up that are not real during mania - without crossreferencing if they were real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions of what was real or not - just because I believe something, and it 'feels right' it does not mean it is real -.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was the center of the world during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fictional self and world and abilities  during my manic episode - without crossreferencing any of it - and share it with others before making sure it is real, so it was not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had extraordinary powers during manic episode, without crossreferencing if it was real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to see that even if others agree and go along with my delusion, it does not mean that it is real. They might be only playing or deluded themselves too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others might judge me for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a manic episode is simply believing things that are not real, and it is not something to be ashamed of as 'ordinary people'  do this every day when we believe in fear for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fears others believing I am crazy for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mind-reality and try to impose it on the outside while on manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will believe I am unstable for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that being manic is no different than being on drugs so I should try to 'behave' if I ever am on a manic episode again as it is no excuse to say things that are not real because on a deep level there is self awareness and I know something does not add up in my delusions - only that I ignored it in the past and just 'went with the flow'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go with 'what felt good' during manic episode, which was a mess of preaching things that are not real, instead of remaining centered and check before I speak if what I am going to say is real, and if what I think is real or not.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore the inner awareness that something did not add up during my manic episode, delusions did not add up/make sense but instead of questioning them I went along with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I did not know better and that I don't have to judge myself for having 'gone along' with my manic episode, only to be more aware if there is a next time - and to always be aware no matter what the circumstances.

I forgive myself for 'making an ass out of myself' during my manic episode through making up a story and believing it is real just because it felt good and suited my desires and fed my ego.

Whenever I see that I want to be famous, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need recognition from others, or more sex from being famous, so I let go of this.
I commit myself to let go of my desire to be famous, recognized and desire to have more sex.
Whenever I see that I believe things about me which are extraordinary, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to crossreference everything, double check, and make sure, that I have or am something which is not ordinary - before I can talk about it  - because it might be a delusion.

I commit myself to stick to the ordinary living breathing being and not believe I am any delusion - but crossreference any perceptions about who I am to make sure it is not a delusion. I commit myself to stick to breathing and remain grounded no matter what.

Whenever I fear others will judge me for having had a manic episode, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is irrelevant if others judge me and that I can explan to them if they ask simply what is a manic episode - 'free drugs' from the brain for days - and to ask them what would they do if they 'had free drugs from their brain' and who would they be - as it is not an easy challenge.

I commit myself to stop preoccupying how others will react to knowing I had a manic episode and instead work with what comes up and explain things if required.