Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Day 31: I Am Bipolar

Being able to say that is a blessing, because before I did know I was bipolar I was extremely unstable in that I had experiences that I could not pinpoint what they were, events where I was a bit mad, didn't know what had happened to me and it was because of being bipolar that I decompensated and I experienced things that are not real.

It is important to name the things that happen to us because otherwise we do not know if they will happen to us in the future because we don't know what they are. Now I know when I am going into decompensation, when I am going to go 'up the ladder' to hypomania and mania, the road to illusion, and I simply have to up a bit the dose of my medication and I that's it, my doctor does that for me.

I see people on the street that talk to themselves, I don't know what they have but if they are bipolar they might be in a manic episode thinking things that are not real. If they had the diagnosis that I've had they would have an easier life and not simply being labeled as 'mad'.

I found that while I was hypomanic I would be more creative but also I have found that now that I am stable I am even more creative when I put myself to create, whereas on hypomania I was more disorganized now I can create a song easily or do more paintings.

I do not miss being hypomanic, that 'creativity' because I have found creativity being stable. I don't miss the moments where I imagined I was more than I am, had more power because I realize it wasn't real.

I do not miss the moments of being on manic depression, thinking that everyone was against me, people were after me and things like that, I was terrified, now I know it is all an illusion too.

So overall, if you think you might be bipolar and you don't know, get it checked out because if you are, reconizing it and accepting it is the first step to freedom, to be stable and be able to direct your life, and forget of lows and highs and instead live stability - where you can also find creativity if you explore it.

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