Thursday, February 25, 2021

Day 168: Impactful


I've been recieving feedback from some people that I have been in contact with during my stay in the psych ward -when I was more stable- that they like me. That in a way I've had an effect on their lives. And it is new to me. That they like me meaning I've found that they at times admire me or simply see that I can help them out, in a word, that I am useful - and this is very fulfilling. If this blogs are useful to you, even if there is only one person, and I know there must be, I will keep doing them. I have not done anything special in my life to become what I am today, but I always recommend starting where I did, with the free, Desteni I Process Lite course here.

Cheers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how I affect others positively or negatively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realise my power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how much in fact I affect other people's lives

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as a leader

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can have a positive impact on other's lives

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the effect that my participation with other poeple can have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear affecting others negatively

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have many talents

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as useful

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard myself as useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that in fact everyone impacts everyone else's lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the efect that I can have in fact in other people's lives

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that my life is in fact important

I commit myself to remind myself that I am useful

I commit myself to remind myself that I can impact positively other people's lives

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

Day 167: Why Have I?

Why have I created bipolar within myself? When I first experienced or have it occur within myself was a time when I was attending university but not really studying - seeing how the wold was fucked up but wanting to find a way out to not have to walk the 'long solution' - then developed a manic depression. 

The main theme in my mania highs is always to change the world with a shortcut, I believe I can change the world fast when I am manic, with any sort of trick or simple doing. The world changes with self changing first so I manifested my bipolar by wanting to have a shortcut to myself and the world -- 

To not have to walk steadfast step by step solution to the problem, which would be to manifest for myself a stable life and a stable self that can direct self within the principle of doing that which is Best for All - without shortcuts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are shortcut solutions for self and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are tricks into changing the world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make sure that I face my points and walk them completely - instead looking for shortcuts within my mania

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that within my mania I only blow out opportunities in my life - thus is self sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that since shortcuts do not work and do not exist my mania is useless and in fact self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have to walk the long path wether I like it or not and that in fact is the only way to make progress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest bipolar within wanting to create a shortcut to change self and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will never be able to change the world while manic

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that while manic I cannot focus and am all over the place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can let go of the desire of being manic now that I have seen that it is useless for chaning myself and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have the solution to change the world even if it is only in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have the power of holding the key to world change in my hands - mania - without seeing that it is only fireworks in my mind and not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that the world does not care what I believe and that reality changes in babysteps with practicality real time self change first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to lift the burden of wanting to change the world by becoming manic with a solution to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I solely carry the responsibility for changing the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with all the responsibility of changing the world - thus developing bipolar to be able to cope with that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to skip responsibility for changing the world thus developing manic depression and escapism from reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is all about self change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in order for the world to change many selfs have to selfchange first

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am not alone in changing myself or the world - yet self-responsibility exists

I commit myself to walk slowly the solution to self and the wolrd as there are no shortcuts to that

I commit myself to unload myself from the burden of having to change the world by myself by focusing on myself first and  taking on the world when I am ready

Enjoy

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

Day 166: Constancy with Medication

 

                                      Crystal structure of lithium carbonate, Li2CO3.

My downfall this last manic phase was inconsistency with medication, I stopped Lithium believing that because I already was taking a monthly shot of antipsychotic - all would be well. Well, all was not well because I had a manic phase. What happens is that blood lithim levels fall in matter of days and can cause mania: "Lithium – When abruptly discontinued, people who have been taking lithium to stabilize moods may experience mood instability and a relapse of mania." So this blog is to correct into constancy with medication so that I don't experience relapses of mania anymore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking medication

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word constacy with taking my medication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take care of myself by neglecting taking lithium

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that discontinuation of medication can be my downfall

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is healthy that I stop lithium - when it is in fact the opposite in my given situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I will take medication all my life - when I don't know that for a fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I in fact need medication 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is best that I take medication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can do without medication - when it is not in fact so for the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to have a track record of stability before even considering reducing medication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I cannot play with chemicals/medication in my body by stopping suddenly as I relapse in mania

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to stop taking lithium

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word 'patience' in regards to taking medication

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I don't take my medication I will very possibly have a relapse in mania

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have much more fun by being stable than being manic 

I commit myself to take my medication in time in full - until advised by the doctor

Saturday, February 20, 2021

Day 165: Heliocentric

 
So here I find myself again after a manic phase. It's been a ride. I want to correct the fact that when I am manic I don't stick to the principles and in this case this last manic phase I had the idea in my mind that I could alter the state of the world with a few moves - lol - so like being the center of the action when in fact I am not the sun and people does not revolve around me - it is about me changing myself and in participation in a group that the world can change-

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world revolves around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the world will not change because of me but with the group - myself in it included.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea that if I do a smart move I will change the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the strenght in groups

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that what I do and say affects others positively or negatively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a prophet

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that followers are useless - self-masters are useful instead

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have followers

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be a self leader

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to change someone outside of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am some kind of saint people will follow my example

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not about setting a weird high-up example but to simply walk what is best for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that change happens in group not as an individual

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to morph into a weird thing to attract attention for others to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that even if I have a lot of energy - I am not the center of the universe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that even if I feel powerful I do not have to chage 'for others' it is all about self creation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that even if I have a following - it is irrelevant - as it was proven by Osho and his followers that 'faded away' at his death

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that supporters and co-creators are best than followers - so it is best = someone that shares a vision that is Best for All

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Day 164: The Way

What is the way? Each should find their way. Find what works. Recently I was told I was being too provocative on Facebook - which has garnered me some attention I previously did not have - and that I should simply share naturally - well it is turns out it comes out naturally that way and my intention is not to be provocative but to do my part of doing that which is Best for All.

Because to express that way - my intention was to do my part in 'this reality becoming one that is best for All'.

Bernard Poolman  was provocative? What does it mean to be provocative? Should you be more provocative?

Provocative: Causing thought about interesting subjects

Provocative: Causing an angry reaction, usually intentionally

Definitely I am doing the first definition, and if someone gets angry - I am not meaning to do that intentionally - it is for them to process that anger and come through the other end with more understanding if they dare.

Common sense I am sharing on Facebook and what comes up when my intention is to do what is Best for All - period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not ready to share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others might say if I speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see I am equal to All that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by not speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  fear not fitting in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough confident to speak up and stand up for myself and All.

Monday, September 21, 2020

Day 163: De-Pression

When I sleep too much then there is a sign of onset of depression - specially if I sleep during the day.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep too much - oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I cannot sleep too many hours or I will start to become depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it's ok to oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I oversleep I might start to become depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I cannot evade from myself even if I oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sleeping will not solve my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for comfort in oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep oversleeping to not have to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is ok to oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not alone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that sleeping will not solve anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be entertained by dreams instead of doing something practical instead of sleeping.

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

Day 162: The Waiting Game

Banjo the busking dog
I am waiting for unemployment benefits. When you don't have money it is all about waiting because social services are slow.

Read these for more insight

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything immediate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things fast.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that immediacy comes through money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money will not give me anything else but things faster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money assists in materializing things faster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that indeed without money things will move slower.

I commit myself to remain calm and relaxed within living the word patience.

I commit myself to remind myself that money is only a tool.