Thursday, June 4, 2020

Day 160: Streets of no Life



No job, no future. It is sad how when you don't have a job no one cares, well, some might help here and there but you don't have the ultimate solution as money and sometimes no home. It has happened to me, no job, no money, had to be rescued by a friend. It makes me cry. This sucks. We have a system that you only wake up when you have empty pockets and no home. Then you wake the dduck up. Suddenly everyone else with money denies you.

I don't have a job because of covid. I don't have a proper home because I had to leave my rented room. I  am not complaining I have four walls and a bed, but that's it. No water, no electricity. Yesterday the government that because of the delay put me in this situation, finally sent some money. Everything lits up. Make no mistake, money is possibility, no money no possibilities.

Lets make a system thats worth living where if you don't have a job you are supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am inferior for not having money

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value myself for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being on the streets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I end up on the streets I will be mad and something will change but it is not how it goes, when one is on the street is already too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dear being attacked on the streets.

Monday, April 27, 2020

Day 159: Danger! Ego in Desguise



How come during this quarantine/coronavirus timeframe I have not written one blog a day when I have had all the necessary requirements - time,internet- to do so plentifully?

Let me retell this story I found on YouTube shared by Chad Williams here: This story is about a warrior that was magnificent yet underneath, under his armor he knew was royally fucked because he had a terrible disease, in this case it was leprosy, his skin falling in chunks. So the magnificent warrior went with his entourage to visit a very wise man that lived far away, carrying with him a lot of gold and silver to gift the wise man if only he could cure his terrible disease. When the warrior arrived at the door of the wise mans' home, he knocked on it and exposed his situation to the wise mans' servant; in turn the servant went inside the home and returned with instructions for the warrior from the wise man: He should bathe in the nearby river 7 times and that would cure him, and that there was no need for his gold and silver. The warrior turned around in fury, the wise man had not had the decency to even face him eventhough he was a magnificent warrior and that he had travelled very far, and even more, he had to do something so insignificant as to bathe seven times in a dirty river when back at home he had plenty of fresh water, he argued out loud. The people that had travelled with him tried to calm him down arguing that indeed this came from a very wise man and that there should be a reason why he had said so. Finally the sick warrior removed his body armor and bathed in the river, and on the seventh time he came out with skin as new and smooth as baby skin.

Ok, have a look: The warrior 'removed his armor' to bathe in the river. The armor is the ego. He thought only something sophisticated would be able to cure him, yet he had to humble himself and take the simple treatment.

So what was preventing me from writing ever day? Ego. At some level I was like the warrior of the story, thinking 'too high' of myself for something so simple as 'a blog a day for 7 years' to cure me from my dissonance with Life - leprosy in that story. Take the simple treatment, before it's too late!

Osho says, how to know if something I am doing is good or bad? If it feeds the ego, stop it, drop it immediately, he says.
Let's thus say, if something - like writing a blog a day- challenges the ego, keep doing it then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the ego to determine what I do and don't do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that excuses really are ego in desguise.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the reason why I would not support myself is always ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that where there is a will there is a way, and where ego is there is no way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the power of self will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing my own excuses and shortcomings as real and acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the solution as the 7 years to freedom as 'so simple' for my big ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that whenever I don't support myself, I support my ego instead.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I accept the solution and walk the journey, I find that I enjoy it.

Monday, April 20, 2020

Day 158: Excuses as a blame game

My saviour bluetooth device

Sometimes, if  not always, excuses are partly true. For example, it is true that I do not currently have a laptop,  and it is also true that it is difficult to write a full blog with a cellphone. But, instead of looking for  solutions around the problem, I simply postponed facing it. Today I finally decided to write and found a solution pretty easely, I bought a wireless keyboard some time ago, and it works ok and I am now able to write super fast without a laptop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept  excuses as truth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look for solutions instead of accepting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that excuses are excuses and thus not valid.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I accept excuses as valid, I will not be able to achieve anything meaningful in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that selfleaders do not put excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not ok to validate or live excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to disregard any and all excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow excuses to diminish my effectivity in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I use excuses, I will not be able to live my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that either I do something or I do not, but there are no excuses that are valid, I am one hundred percent responsible for my decision.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses are a responibility shifter, blame game where I shift my responsibility to or towards something external, instead of taking full responsibility for my actions.

I commit myself to live my life excuse free.

I commit myself to whenever I see I give an excuse to myself or others, immediately look into where it is that I am shifting my responsibility so that I can take ownership and instead do the thing that I am trying to avoid with excuses.

No excuses

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Day 157: Restart



After a few weeks without my laptop after someone broke into our apartment and took it, here I am again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I cannot tap into my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that tapping into my fullest potential is a process and it requires that I put effort daily.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can indeed change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I create my reality every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my reality to change yet do nothing for it to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe I am my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how much I can change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself as to why my reality does not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to be my own cheerleader to motivate me into change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that every day is a new opportunity for self change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is opportunity in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not how many times I fall but how many times I get up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am the creator of my life.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Day 156: Ready To Live



Who is in control of my life? Is it me? Or is it my fears? Recently I was asked what I wanted the most, and what I feared the most, to which I replied that I would like a hou

se with a garden and a swimming pool and that I didn't fear anything, to which further questioning came the fear of 'being without a job' the current job I have I don't like very much, but I hold onto it with this fear of not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being destitute.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to have to take any job to provide for myself.

This is ENOUGH

Time To Live

There arrives a time, when enough is enough. I want to do with my life whatever I want to do with my life. No excuses, no holding back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me a chance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do enough for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things that I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to start to Live.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be true to myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have fun with myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to treat my body with respect.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do what I really want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let my creativity go/allow it to set free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to loathe myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let my light shine through.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am my ultimate potential but I merely have to let it shine through if only I allow it to shine a little bit.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to do the things I want the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self expression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take care of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to create projects for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am separate from those that have success in their lives.

Wednesday, October 30, 2019

Day 155: Easy on Myself


This is how it is: I am a bit down lately and it's okay. I see I have to be more easy on myself and with where I am at in this moment, be more accepting of reality as it is, to be able to then change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself with where I am at at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard where I want to be with resentment in comparing it to where I am now, instead of using it as inspiration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that self-change is possible, that I am possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to polarise where I am with where I want to be and have inner conflict about it instead of accepting where I am now and finding a way to go where I want to go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that where there is a will there is a way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept my reality as it is, as it is exactly where I am and I have to accept that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can change things in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the things I don't like in my life are not unremovable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the things I want as unattaianble, instead of looking for possibilities in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see my life as dim, not seeing a way out, instead of focusing on what I can do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for a way out instead of seeing, realising and understanding this is not about looking for a way out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not appreciate what I have and instead look for something more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have a lot.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can appreciate more what I already have.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can tap into my potential whenever I can, only that I cannot jump directly to the results.

Monday, October 28, 2019

Day 154: Specially Difficult


It's specially difficult to write when you don't know what to write about. However it is my commitment to write meaningful blogs, at least four a month because I am blogging for sponsorship at DIP Pro. I went to the help of OSHO zen tarot cards and draw one, I did it through the online Osho website as I lent my Osho cards to a friend and never heard about them again. Anyway I drew the card called 'Supression' - What am I supressing? It is a slight depression, and I think that it comes from not knowing what to do with my life. So I have a slight depression that manifests with wanting to sleep more during the day and it sucks, because sleeping is the opposite of expansion, of doing, and sleeping during the day is specially draining because I lose time and then go into regret.

What's the big deal on knowing what I want to do with my life? Even if I don't know what I want to specifically do with my life, it does not mean that I have to waste away, sleeping my days off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to 'sleep my days off'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to avoid reality by sleeping

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can work on myself if I don't know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can work on myself even if I don't entirely know what I want to do with my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I don't need a clear objective in my life for me to support myself anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse that I don't have an objective clear in my life to let myself down by sleeping too much

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the cycle/trap whereas I don't move because I don't have a clear objective and then I don't have a clear objective because I don't move

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do self supportive things with my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I don't have to have a golden destination where I see I want to go in order for me to support myself through life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will find my goals as I go through life supporting myself the best I can so that I can have Choice to do what I want

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I don't have to know 100% what I want to do with my life before I fully support myself