Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Day 60: Why I'd Probably Be Dead if I Lived in the USA


There is much fuss about gun control now because of the recent mass shootings in USA. I live in Spain. See, as a Bipolar there was a time I didn't know I was one. And I went in to a manic depression. And I wanted to kill myself. And lukily I didn't have a gun around the house to use, nor was I able to purchase one.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete suicide.(1)

See, there has to be a protection for mental health patients, because you can't tell someone is bipolar and on a manic depression just by looking at them. I could have gone to a USA gun shop and no one would have known. Also, because in my manic depresion I had persecutory delusions that I was being chased by police, who knows if I would have turned the guns to them as well. It would have snowballed and people would have been killed, myself first.

There has to be a protection about people themselves, no one knows if they will become bipolar, if they have bipolar subjacent in them, waiting to be activated by something we don't yet know - as I don't know what activated my bipolar disorder, it somply came up where there was no prior mental health issues, and eventhough I was in hospital they didn't know it was bipolar disorder until later on that I had a 'high' manic episode where I was not depressed but vey active and with delusion as well, but more positive themed.

Overall, access to guns has to be more difficult, like there is in Spain, or even better, something like a full day course like they do in Japan, where yes, they would have detected something was off with me in my manic depression, as well as an interview with a psychologist, that would have helped. What surely wouldn't have helped is having guns at home for me, or being able to purchase guns like they do in USA.

Thanks for reading


Bibliography:

1. Goodwin FK, Jamison KR. Manic-Depressive Illness. New York: Oxford University Press; 1990. [Ref list]

Monday, February 19, 2018

Day 59: The Power of Dedication



Some hours ago I did the teoric driving exam which went great! I have been studying with a driving school that has a cool method, I followed it and eventhough I still don't know the score, I am certain that I have passed. This is what is cool about studying well, that then is inevitable for you to pass. 

So this is what I have to do in all areas of my life, prepare myself well so it is inevitable that I pass/get things done properly.

If I look back at what I did to do the exam so well today is because I put myself to study several days, concentrated with what I was doing and 'grinding' responding to tests. The exam was not very diffifcult in that I did not doubt much in any of the 30 questions of it.

So the word that comes up is Dedication, where if I dedicate myself to something I get results. 

In the past I have wanted results but not dedicated myself much to get them, resulting in failing at my objectives. Today, eventhough I still not know the score, as I pass, it will prove that with dedication I can achieve results.

Every time I failed at something I would always put the excuse of not having studied/dedicated myself much to it, which was true, but this is not a valid excuse as none are, instead I have to dedicate myself to something and then reap the results. A cool objective for me is to be a dedicated person, someone that dedicates themselves to everything they do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word dedication in all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve results without dedicating myself to stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that results need commitment and dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept defeat/failure by not dedicating myself enough in what I do, for example my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself for failure by not dedicating myself  enough in what I do.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that I can be successful in my life.

I commit myself to remind myself to dedicate myself to what I do, honouring myself in the process and achieving results.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that it is inevitable that I succeed/pass an exam for example.

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Day 58: When I Believed I Was Dying


Today is Sunday, the day that many have off and that can dedicate to themselves, that they don't have to work and that usually this blog has more views, thus why I have been for more than 15 minutes wondering what great point I can write about. There is no one great point to write about, well maybe there is, the principle of doing what is Best for All. You see, I am Bipolar and there was one time where I was very depressed and became psychotic, which means  that I started imagining things that were not true. I imagined that that I did something horrible and that everyone and police was after me and that I would burn in a horrible hell forever. Once I was in that state I believed 100% that this was true so I reasoned wrongly that if I was going to end up in a horrible hell why the hell not go straight to it, and I attempted suicide.

When I believed I was dying I told my mother even in my perturbed state:  'the principle of what is Best for All still stands', and I said goodbye.

I am not revealing how I did it to not give ideas to other people but at that one point I was certain I was going to die - later on, when I was at the hospital and didn't die I was angry and then started a process through medication and realizations how I made up a lie in my head and what I believed of the persecutory ideas was not real, until now that I don't have anything of this at all and am 'a normal person' once again.

I am telling this because, when I thought I was going to die, there was a moment of clarity, of wanting to leave something in this world eventhough not effective - just saying that the principle of what is Best for All still stands doesn't help much - and what is more relevant by saying this on my believed death time I was in a way passing the torch to others, giving the responsibility to others of something I did not do fully in my life, which is doing what is Best for All absolutely.

This is to remember that at times we forget about the principle, about bettering ourselves, about bettering the world but remember that, on my 'deathbed' the first thing that came up, and this was not planned, never during my psychotic break I thought about the principle of what is Best for All or self forgiveness as I was too much in my posession/imaginary world/caught up in fear -- so the first thing that came up in my 'deathbed' was the principle of what is Best for All, and by then it was too late, I mean, I believed I was dying and there I was telling this to my poor mother who was not prepared for this at All - So when we die, when we are on our deathbed it is too late, and we can't pass our self-responsibility to someone else to walk, either we walk it or we don't, no one will walk our self responsibility of principled living.

Learn more about principled living here http://desteni.org/about-us/desteni-principles

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Day 57: Like My Post Please


After I am done writing a blog, I share it to various Facebook groups and wait impatiently for likes to come - lol - I have to slow down on this because likes will come by themselves and with time, so I don't have to worry about it.

Impatience is the word, like I can't wait for the word to be spread, for change to be implemented, for views to go up. Well I have to start by changing myself effectively and this is a process, as it will be getting more views.

It has been less than a month that I have been writing daily blogs and I can't expect to have tons of views from the get-go, also it is not the amount of views but the insights that are shared if they are valuable for the reader or not, so every day I must take care to share supportive material for others to be able to support themselves with, realize something, change directions of their lives.

In today's case I was too worried about facebook likes, yesterday was a bit dry of likes on facebook but on my blog I had quite a bit of views, so it is not that they don't read you, sometimes they simply don't give a like

Id'say, give a like if you liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have likes on facebook on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with how many facebook likes and views I have on my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient over views and likes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to grow up on likes and views instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this is a process like the process of change that has to be walked consistently over time and one can't force it more than being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be 'rewarded' by likes instead of knowing that I am being rewarded if someone finds my blogs useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having views and likes on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ignored.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that fear of being ignored stems form me not giving attention to me.

Whenever I see that I want to have more likes and views, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this will be a process and that I cannot expect to have tons of likes or views overnight but that it will in any case be gradual like the process of change and not instantaneous.

I commit myself to remind myself that the only thing that I can do to have more likes and views is be consistent and that the other part - views and likes - will come by themselves as I have no control over it - I can only work with what I do.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to focus on creating content, not on controlling how many views or likes I get, as I am not in control of that.

I commit myself to remind myself to not live the word impatience, and change it to patience instead.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Day 56: Age of Empires II and Self-Sustainable Communities

How the game looks like


Age of Empires II is a strategy video game where you have a civilization and use your citizens to gather resources and build buildings and you can fight against other players of other civilizations of the map.

I have been playing with my brother and it is cool but after a while it gets tiring having to gather resources fast to build military buildings to build troops to crush the opponent - or get crushed-.

So yesterday I decided to try a new approach, I played by myself with the computer who was two players, allies instead of enemies  - so it was like I was playing with two humans allied - and I focused on developing my population, and instead of creating military buildings I created farms. My allies at times asked for resources and I helped them out, and I asked for resources from them at times, so we helped each other instead of fighting.

The game works on points too, if you have more points you are the winner. So by making a lot of farms I did not know that you could win by points too, and I won by points. By making farms I had the population busy doing something useful instead of fighting with the other civilizations.

After a while of playing like this the resources ran out because the game has limited resources/is not sustainable but if we extrapolate the game to real life, here on Earth we can all develop real farms and live there supporting the environment and ourselves, we would be all busy and not go into fights with other countries.

And this is what is doing Earth Haven, with the goal of developing self-sustainable communities all around the globe.


"The guiding principle in these communities is to bring about the utmost potential of the land, which must sustain all forms of life on the land: the animals, plants and humans. Under this principle, we regard farm animals and wild animals to be equally important. In summary, we are doing what is best for all which means the land, the animals, plants, and humans. Without exception."

This is the cool part, where through sustaining ourselves we also help out the environment/other  life forms of the land. 


I visited Earth Haven for two weeks some years ago and I can say living there is pretty cool, with all the animals there, from dogs to horses to chickens, cats, parrots, goats and of course living in a supportive community of humans.


All in all it is a win win situation for the humans and plants and animals. 

By doing this, by living in self-sustainable communities we change the rules of the game, where previously it was to fight with each other whereas now the goal is to help each other to develop our communities and support the environment. Where we know we could fight each other but we don't, as we are busy with bettering our communities and the environment and see no point in going to fight someone else.

You can support Earth Haven with me -I give a small monthly contribuiton - on Patreon.

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Day 55: My Life Experience With Lending Money


It has happened to most I guess, when a friend asks for money it is an uncomfortable moment. Today I was asked again and my first reaction was 'no, not again, not you' and I said simply I didn't have the  money as I don't. But even if I had I have to be very disciplined and know when to say no, and say it. 

Because when someone owes you money is not cool, the dynamics that unfold are complex, like what happens if  the money is not returned - I think there is no 'lending' money but more 'giving' because what you know is that you are giving the money but you don't know that it is going to be returned for sure. So one would have to 'lend the money' without expecting it to come back, if one can't do that I would not lend the money to anyone. If you can't afford to lose the  money, you can't afford to lend it, as it is never sure it will be returned, and then you lose the friend along with the money.

Also you can't trust people with money, because they change, they can be very nice and all but when it comes to money one can't really know. And it has happened to me the hard way with giving even family members money! It happened to me because I didn't know the mental state of this family member, life savings were lost on my side. And I am talking about a brother here! And this has had repercussions to this day, not being able to pay my way through DIP Pro and  living paycheck to paycheck.

 And friends that claim they have not been given money, and because a paper was not signed, I can't claim the money back - and they continue to be 'friends' as they 'don't remember' ever receiving money. Of course not to be trusted ever more. 

So the end result of  me giving money, even to family members has resulted in me having zero savings, which is sad to say the least, allowing myself to be betrayed by my own brother because he was mentally disturbed and I did not know.

People have various and many mental problems and they ask for money but you can never know their intentions for sure. How could you? You can't, and you can learn this 'today or the hard way'.

So money is a hard subject, don't take  it lightly when someone asks you for money because you can be taken in for a ride if you are not careful and have learn to say No,  or can afford to lose what you lend.

Also it is important what the money is for, in today's case it was to pay for a summer festival and my friend said would be returned in less than two months, well I can't afford to help you out and you will survive without me lending you the money.

When the money is for problems and so on, also you have to assess if you can self-honestly help out or not. It is important to not feel guilty if you can't help out someone, in  my life I will come across people that need help but won't be able to help them. Self comes first and if I can't afford to help someone then I won't, if I can then I will - but as a rule of thumb I don't lend money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not being able to help people that really needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see, realize and understand that self comes first, and I can't and will not be able to help everyone in my life that needs economic help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help everyone that needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed by being fooled into giving my life savings to a family member.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than because I  have no savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior because I don't have savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself first whenever someone asks me for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to trust people with money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepeted and allowed myself to see that if I can't afford to lose the  money then I can't afford to lend it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust a family member with money without making sure of their state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to give money away, so I don't even have to consider lending money as I am not able to.

I commit myself to remind myself that I come first and that I can't afford to lose money thus I can't afford to lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can't lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I doon't lend money.


Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Day 54: DIP Pro - Blogging for Sponsorship



Yesterday I was accepted at the Sponsorship Program of the Desteni I Process Pro with a full sponsorship. DIP Pro is an online course that builds on and expands on DIP Lite the free online course, it is the older brother so to speak.

Being accepted at the Sponsorship Program because at the moment I don't have the funds available to fund my way through it means that I have been given an amazing gift and opportunity to develop myself, sort out my mind, expand and realize my fullest potential. And I ask myself, where does one find this kind of support? Nowhere do you find a platform of support such as this one.

In DIP Pro, amongst others, you have a Buddy with which you walk, that has already walked DIP Pro, that helps you out and with who you have a weekly chat to support you throughout every lesson.

Again, who does that? I am so honored to be able to be a part of DIP Pro.
In exchange I will have to continue to support myself with consistent blogging or vlogging, which is the least one can do when receiving the tons of support that DIP Pro is. 

I started DIP Pro some years ago, funding my way through it and also on a partial sponsorship, but I was not consistent and I let myself down with finally abandoning it. Back then I had the resources, I had the time, I had everything.

Yesterday I was given a second opportunity. From here, thank you. I won't let you - I won't let me - down this time around.

Quoting DIP Pro:


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon DIP Pro in the past, letting me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not use the opportunity to do DIP Pro effectively in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself down in the past, not doing DIP Pro when I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seeing, realizing and understanding that I can give myself the opportunity again to walk DIP Pro regardless of my past within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste resources both on my side and the side of DIP Pro in the past by not walking the lessons effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have already the resolve to do DIP Pro, as I did DIP Lite, I have to simply walk it and never look back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in the past within DIP Pro.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not doing DIP Pro well in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the barely minimum when I last walked DIP Pro, instead of walking it to the fullest of my capabilities/ potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to walk DIP Pro effectively when I could.

I commit myself to walk DIP Pro effectively to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to not give up on myself and see-through DIP Pro until it is done.

I commit myself to remind myself to do the blogging and assignments.

I commit myself to remind myself of the importance of walking DIP Pro effectively.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can walk DIP Pro, as others have walked it before me