Day 243: General Self-Forgiveness I

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that at any given moment I can decide whether I will support myself or abuse myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unless I am breathing I am not Here present

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that all judgement is self-judgement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be famous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am One and Equal as Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have the same vehicle as a human being as all other humans and thus the same capabilities or potentiality for expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constrain my self expression by living in the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget who I am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use this opportunity as this one life to express myself as what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to  tell others how to live instead of living it myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get lost in energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am enough and don’t ‘need’ someone else to be allright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to remove myself from this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no other world or existence waiting for me elsewhere, but this one that requires correction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is a way or ways to do things and way or ways not to do them, and I have to choose wisely

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that unless I change myself, nothing will change.

Day 228: I am sorry

I wrote this blog about a month ago or more but I haven't had the courage to post it until now, it is about how we can direct our reality before it is too late - death -, and the only solution I realize now is self forgiveness and self change. Here it is:

I am sorry because that is the only thing I can say, and from here corect myself. This life could be heaven for everyone, we simply have to admit to our wrongdoings and inactions and correct ourselves. 

For example myself, I've participated so much in time wasting and otherwise bullshit activities where I could be supporting myself to become the best version of myself.

Today I have had multiple dreams, when I would wake up, I was again dreaming, then I would do something in the dream to check if I was in reality, and my test would test that it was reality but then - boom - I would wake up in my bed again. This made me think that all I can say is sorry. 

Sorry because I can change, we can change and yet mostly I've not been doing so, and then change the outside as well.

Because one day we will die, and wake up like in a dream, but we will not be able to go back Here in Matter. So I say I am sorry, that I will no longer procrastinate and leave things to chance, that I will direct my reality to a reality that is Best for All, this is a shared reality, not my reality inside my mind, no, we are all in the same reality, as we will have what we directly and indirectly create.

Because if like a dream, this life, this reality is able to be directed to a point that is Best for everyone - if we don't do it it will continue to be hell on Earth.

If you realize that you want to say sorry as well, because you see that this life, in this life, there are no external forces that control you, only if you allow it. All comes from within - In some dreams you can direct what to do, in this reality on Earth it is the same, you can decide. 

Why I say I am sorry? Because I can do so much. Because I allowed so much, I allowed my participation in so much bull shit. While I could have participated in so much else that creates change for the better. And from here I in this moment commit myself to stop all bullshit and start creation as what is Best for All.

This reality is a 3D reality, there is limitation, yes, but it is not unlike a dream in terms of directiveness, as in in some dreams, you can direct reality, inner and outer reality.

So I am sorry because I am not alone and powerless, I have and have had much support over the years to change myself and I have put one percent of effort on my part. 

But it is not to cry over spilled milk, no, but to correct myself is the next step. Correct myself in every moment of breath. It is a process.

Day 219: Picking up Speed

Three blogs in a row, it looks like I am picking up speed, but the same thing happened other times and then I let myself slump, write less, go back to the habitual patterns. I can't say the same thing happened before because every time I do anything is a new moment, so I will simply proceed to forgive myself for letting myself down by not writing consistently in the past.

I realise I don't have to let myself down again, that if I don't write one day I will write the next. I don't accept or allow myself to judge myself for the past - but act in every moment to do what is best, regardless of everything that has happened in the past.

To look back at the past and not act is merely an excuse, and to look at the future and fear to not being able to keep the pace to then stop, is an excuse as well.

I commit myself to stop excuses and write as I can, every day if I can - without using the past or the future to affect if I write or not write a given day. 

I see that each day is a new day, a new life in one day, so I can decide to write, support myself and everything in between.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on writing in the past even if temporarilly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every day is an opportunity to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not worthy of writing every day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe I am worthy of being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of being the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can become the best version of myself and that I am worthy of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I don't deserve being the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that believeing I don't deserve to be the best version of myself is manipulative because then I cannon assist in changing the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my limitations as an excuse to not have to change myself and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change myself I don't have a chance at assisting to change the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the dishonesty in saying I want to change the world but not changing myself first - to the best version of myself.

218: We are Playing the Game - What Will You Do?

I was listening to this interview by Bernard Poolman and it made me remember the time as a kid when our local youth center prepared a real life roleplay game for us, in short it showed us how bureaucracy works, making it impossible to get the anything because yet another paper was needed, which to get it you had to go to that third place and there you still needed something else.

We have made this game, this life, hard for ourselves, but more for those of us that are outside 'first world' countries. We delulde ourselves even with the name, first world, third world - There is only one world.

And we are responsible, because we humans are the ones that can support all other life, including taking care of - aha - each other.

I suggest listening to interview by clicking here,  2012 -- Why Self Forgiveness?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am responsible directly or indirectly by everything that happens in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am responsible for not speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I speak up I will be held accountable for what I have accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that even if I believe I don't participate in the atrocities in this world, I am indirectly responsible for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change myself and with that my environment then I will be held accountable for what I've done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that this world is not a pretty picture as it is not a pretty picture what goes on in my mind - but I have to change both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am capable of changing myself and with this facilitate change in the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am responsible for the atrocities in this world indirectly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am responsible for everything of myself, every thought, every reaction and every inaction.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to in moments I see I can speak up = not speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here and I can decide to change myself as it is the only way.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be patient with myself and give up on myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that all this time that I have not changed can serve me as courage to finally stand up for myself and change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise that the moment to change is in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste breaths participating in energy and addictions - that consist of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here, but don't know for how long - thus I should direct every breath towards doing what is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a polarity where I forgive myself to feel good to then repeat the thing, abusing self forgiveness in the process.

I commit myself to make my self forgiveness final = to not repeat what I forgive myself for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the awareness that comes with self forgiveness, where I see that I am about to do something that I have said I would not do, and yet continue doing it.

I commit myself to honour the awareness that comes with self forgiveness to not repeat that which I forgive myself for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stop wanting self forgiveness to work when I see that my awareness is always there and I knowingly repeat that which I forgave myself for.

 

Day 74: Growth vs Procrastination

I have noticed that whenever I have to deal with clients on Swifdemand, I do it swiftly lol - I never procrastinate, I do it in the moment. Maybe because this is a new application to me, but still it requires an effort on my part. When I compare it with studying, I don't put myself to study immediately whenever I have the time, most of the times I do something else and tell myself that I will study afterwards.

So this is an application that I want to live for myself, the immediately taking of self responsibility, the directing, the doing it in the moment as soon as I have to do it.

When I am at the job and they tell me to do something, I do it in the moment, immediately, then why not do it when studying? Why not do it for me?

If I take every opportunity I have for growth such as studying, doing DIP Pro, writing a blog, instead of procrastinating, who will I become? So much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what I do in my work of doing things immediately to my daily life at studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate whenever I have to study, instead of doing like I do with Swiftdemand clients of doing the work as soon as possible, without putting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses whenever I am facing with the opportunity of studying.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self responsibility whenever I don't take on an opportunity to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am able to do stuff in the moment in other areas of my life, I can do the same with studying.

I commit myself to take on every oppotunity that I have to study, without procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can do stuff immediately without procrastination.

I commit myself to do things for myself such as studying immediately whenever I have the opportunity so that I can expand and grow and progress.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid when it comes to procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that procrastination is never valid.

I commit myself to remind myself that an opportunity to do something is a step I can take towards bettering myself or an opportunity lost for self expansion.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to take on every opportunity I have to better/expand myself and so in this way keep on growing instead of diminishing myself with procrastination.

Day 71: I'm Back

I have not been writing blogs for a few - 4 - days because I had this dilemma where I had to study but I wasn't studying and then I wasn't blogging because I had to study, so this was like a loop/vicious circle where I didn't study or do blogs. Finally today and a bit yesterday I put myself to study even if only a little bit and I've seen that damn am I wasting time! And that I will no more accept and allow myself to sabotage myself by participating in this construct of not doing one thing thus not doing the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not studying and then not blog because I have to be studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hinder my development by not doing in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to put excuses to not study and not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myelf as fake if I blog not having studied before, whereas it is only practical that I blog when I have something to say/when I have the moment and study when I have the moment too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the days pass without studying or blogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself by not allowing myself to blog if I have not studied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am only worthy of publihing blogs if I have studied, whereas I can blog about why am I not studying for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a vicious cycle of not doing study work or blogs.

In italics Self Forgiveness by my DIP buddy Kim K.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I want to move to start studying/dip I instead think about it, process it in my mind instead of simply moving myself to do the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of looking at beginning to study or work, rather go into my mind and project about the work, who I will be in the work and how it will make me feel instead of actually taking a breath, moving in to the work and actually experiencing who I am within it in real time, wherein, within this I can then observe my experience and chose to breathe through and direct it, thus empowering myself in the moment to MOVE myself, instead of disempowering myself through mind-processing only, where it is my mind moving busily, creating energy and resistances, while I, in the physical, actually get nothing done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I have to start studying think about how hard it will be and how difficult it will be for me to do it and that I don't know where to even start, instead of simply putting myself to study and let it be however it goes it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry because I am not studying instead of stopping my worry immediately by taking action and putting myself to study immediately, without 'looking back'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at learning as 'hard' and 'difficult' instead of simply looking at it for what it is, a step by step process, where I take the first step to then figure out the next one, but instead I look at all the steps at the same time, placing them in front of me and creating a giant mountain, when in fact it is only ever a step by step slope  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how much time I need and how much time I have to study instead of putting myself unconditionallly to study with the time I have available, without worrying if it is too much or too little, but work with what I have, as I do not know beforehand what will I be able to do/ understand/learn with the time I have available so I use all the available time I have to study even if it seems too little, to see what I am capable of/what is my capacity and to be able to handle work and studies effectively managing time