Day 36: Wanting to Disconnect From Reality

The other day at work a  waiter had a panic attack at the end of the service.Yesterday I bought some pills to have in case I cannot sleep that also work as anti anxiety. I wanted to test them out and took one, the correct dose, at work. After work I took some more to see if there were other effects. The prospect said you could take up to a certain number, I took less but nonetheless the next morning I was a bit groggy. I see I have this character that I can withstand alot. I see in taking some pills and wanting to get an effect from them I wanted to 'disconnect' from reality and go to sleep - which was time to sleep when I took them - This is wanting to get away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take more pills than advised in order to get an effect out of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the character that 'I can withstand a lot' and take the sleeping pills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my body under stress by taking sleeping pills in more dose than advised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide and run away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a recreative effect from sleeping pills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted  and allowed myself to want to avoid taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to inevitably take responsibility for myself, and no amount of pills will avoid that.

I commit myself to face myself and take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to not take sleeping pills to try to get recreational effects from them.

I commit myself to honor my body and not take more than the advised amount of any pills.