I have not been writing blogs for a few - 4 - days because I had this dilemma where I had to study but I wasn't studying and then I wasn't blogging because I had to study, so this was like a loop/vicious circle where I didn't study or do blogs. Finally today and a bit yesterday I put myself to study even if only a little bit and I've seen that damn am I wasting time! And that I will no more accept and allow myself to sabotage myself by participating in this construct of not doing one thing thus not doing the other.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not studying and then not blog because I have to be studying.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hinder my development by not doing in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to put excuses to not study and not blog.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myelf as fake if I blog not having studied before, whereas it is only practical that I blog when I have something to say/when I have the moment and study when I have the moment too.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the days pass without studying or blogging.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself by not allowing myself to blog if I have not studied.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am only worthy of publihing blogs if I have studied, whereas I can blog about why am I not studying for example.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a vicious cycle of not doing study work or blogs.
In italics Self Forgiveness by my DIP buddy Kim K.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I want to move to start studying/dip I instead think about it, process it in my mind instead of simply moving myself to do the work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of looking at beginning to study or work, rather go into my mind and project about the work, who I will be in the work and how it will make me feel instead of actually taking a breath, moving in to the work and actually experiencing who I am within it in real time, wherein, within this I can then observe my experience and chose to breathe through and direct it, thus empowering myself in the moment to MOVE myself, instead of disempowering myself through mind-processing only, where it is my mind moving busily, creating energy and resistances, while I, in the physical, actually get nothing done.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I have to start studying think about how hard it will be and how difficult it will be for me to do it and that I don't know where to even start, instead of simply putting myself to study and let it be however it goes it goes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry because I am not studying instead of stopping my worry immediately by taking action and putting myself to study immediately, without 'looking back'
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at learning as 'hard' and 'difficult' instead of simply looking at it for what it is, a step by step process, where I take the first step to then figure out the next one, but instead I look at all the steps at the same time, placing them in front of me and creating a giant mountain, when in fact it is only ever a step by step slope
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how much time I need and how much time I have to study instead of putting myself unconditionallly to study with the time I have available, without worrying if it is too much or too little, but work with what I have, as I do not know beforehand what will I be able to do/ understand/learn with the time I have available so I use all the available time I have to study even if it seems too little, to see what I am capable of/what is my capacity and to be able to handle work and studies effectively managing time
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