Day 144: Short Path Long Path

Today is my second day out after about a month and a half inside the mental hospital, I see I am having a playout of bipolar becoming more extreme, this time having to do with using drugs, something I see I can't risk anymore. Basically I have walked a long path of consequence - whereas I could have avoided it and work more on myself instead had I taken a short path of not using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the long path of consequence by using drugs and having to be in the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a long path when I could thave avoided it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having taken the long path instead of a shorter one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing drugs with the thought that I can afford going to the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to risk losing my job by taking drugs and having to go to the mental hospital

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is cool to go to the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play with fire by taking drugs.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is ok to take drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can sustain the positive side of bipolar, not seeing realising and understanding that it is not sustainable and even less if drugs are in the mix.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  miss the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take extra care of myself when I was on the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to sustain the positive energy of the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do many things when I was on the positive side of bipolar, instead of using common sense and see that I have time.