Day 167: Why Have I?

Why have I created bipolar within myself? When I first experienced or have it occur within myself was a time when I was attending university but not really studying - seeing how the wold was fucked up but wanting to find a way out to not have to walk the 'long solution' - then developed a manic depression. 

The main theme in my mania highs is always to change the world with a shortcut, I believe I can change the world fast when I am manic, with any sort of trick or simple doing. The world changes with self changing first so I manifested my bipolar by wanting to have a shortcut to myself and the world -- 

To not have to walk steadfast step by step solution to the problem, which would be to manifest for myself a stable life and a stable self that can direct self within the principle of doing that which is Best for All - without shortcuts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are shortcut solutions for self and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there are tricks into changing the world

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make sure that I face my points and walk them completely - instead looking for shortcuts within my mania

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that within my mania I only blow out opportunities in my life - thus is self sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that since shortcuts do not work and do not exist my mania is useless and in fact self-sabotage

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I will have to walk the long path wether I like it or not and that in fact is the only way to make progress

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest bipolar within wanting to create a shortcut to change self and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will never be able to change the world while manic

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that while manic I cannot focus and am all over the place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can let go of the desire of being manic now that I have seen that it is useless for chaning myself and the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have the solution to change the world even if it is only in my head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have the power of holding the key to world change in my hands - mania - without seeing that it is only fireworks in my mind and not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that the world does not care what I believe and that reality changes in babysteps with practicality real time self change first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to lift the burden of wanting to change the world by becoming manic with a solution to it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I solely carry the responsibility for changing the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with all the responsibility of changing the world - thus developing bipolar to be able to cope with that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to skip responsibility for changing the world thus developing manic depression and escapism from reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is all about self change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in order for the world to change many selfs have to selfchange first

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am not alone in changing myself or the world - yet self-responsibility exists

I commit myself to walk slowly the solution to self and the wolrd as there are no shortcuts to that

I commit myself to unload myself from the burden of having to change the world by myself by focusing on myself first and  taking on the world when I am ready

Enjoy