Day 146: The Time is Always Right

The time is always right to become better, more, become someone I would want to be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the time is always right to become better, to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everything is possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my time to better myself as much as I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that all time is right when I have free time -- to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am always on the right moment to better myself whenever I have time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can do much more by changing the mindset from 'having time' for things to 'making time' for thingsl

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the potential I have in every moment to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I depend on me solely to do what I decide to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can make time for everything I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do what I decide to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to do stuff and then not do it as much as I commited myself to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'collapse' and do nothing whenever I have many things that I decided to do to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the practicality of doing one thing at a time, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can manage time effectively.

Day 145: Drugs And Consequence

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel excited about using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to use drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to risk having an imbalance by using drugs.

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to use drugs 'to have fun'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate drugs with fun.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the power of drugs on my system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard any self alarms when it comes to using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care if I go to the mental hospital or not when using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the big risk that is taking drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the inner voice that told me to not do drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not care about myself when using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately do drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the timeloop of doing drugs and having to go to the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do drugs even if it 'feels right' to do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if it feels right I can do drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like doing drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can do drugs without consequence.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that doing drugs for me is not possible, I have much to lose.

Day 144: Short Path Long Path

Today is my second day out after about a month and a half inside the mental hospital, I see I am having a playout of bipolar becoming more extreme, this time having to do with using drugs, something I see I can't risk anymore. Basically I have walked a long path of consequence - whereas I could have avoided it and work more on myself instead had I taken a short path of not using drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the long path of consequence by using drugs and having to be in the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a long path when I could thave avoided it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having taken the long path instead of a shorter one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify doing drugs with the thought that I can afford going to the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to risk losing my job by taking drugs and having to go to the mental hospital

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is cool to go to the mental hospital.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play with fire by taking drugs.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is ok to take drugs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to experience the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can sustain the positive side of bipolar, not seeing realising and understanding that it is not sustainable and even less if drugs are in the mix.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  miss the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take extra care of myself when I was on the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to sustain the positive energy of the positive side of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do many things when I was on the positive side of bipolar, instead of using common sense and see that I have time.

Day 143: Fuck Off - But Not Really

Fuck off, if you don't want to change the world. Or maybe you need to not want to change the world in order to change it? Let me explain. We go through phases in our lives, sometimes we do not feel confident enough that we can change the world but first need to prove to ourselves that we can change ourselves. So do not fuck off if you really do not feel you can change the world, but know this, you can start with changing yourself - and then change the world through your example of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I change myself there is slim possibility that I change the world or that the world changes or who knows, maybe the world changes even if I don't change - but know this - none is free until All are Free - so I have to make sure everyone is free before I can be free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that none are free until All are free.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I might want to change the world but there might be people that are not yet there and maybe never will.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to understand them that don't want to change the world, but who can change the world? We can only start with ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in order to change the world I have to first change myself. Or is it?

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't really know what it takes to change the world, but that I will not wait for anything, not even 'have changed myself' to do ALL that I can to change the world - if it is starting with myself I will do so, but  maybe I can do something else along the line.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can do much more than I know I can to change the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that maybe I cannot do much more but I can do a bit more to change the world.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to take it easy on myself - but only as easy as I know I cannot do more - but then I expand myself to be able to do more.

Day 142: Incredible People All Around You

There is incredible people all around you: Everyone. From everyone, and I should put that in capital letters but I do not want to shout, Everyone. You can learn from even those that try to manipulate you because ultimately it is you that allow them to manipulate you if they do - so then you know for example that you had an open door for manipulators - and so you close it, to never again allow yourself to allow yourself to be manipulated. Nothing ever is done TO YOU you allow it to happen to you -- I won't go into the extreme of if you are raped, no, if you are raped probably it wasn't because you allowed it, such things do exist, but everyday things that are not of such violence, you allow them to happen to you.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realise I have teachers all around me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can learn from everybody.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I cannot judge anyone based on the past, because they were That in the past, but I don't know if they are this Here now.

So I cannot judge myself as lazy only because I was lazy in the past, no, in every moment I decide who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as lazy because I was lazy in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that who I am is not who I was in the past.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am who I decide I am in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can correct and change in a single moment, and that I don't need the past to define me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not defined by the past.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not a procrastinator only because I ever procrastinated - but that I needed to procrastinate myself to see what I do not want to ever do again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate in the past.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can decide in every moment to never again procrastinate.

Such is the power of change - Everyone can change in a single moment. We make mistakes to learn from ourselves - and then we change to our best version of ourselves. That is the ultimate lesson. And there might be more. I don't know everything but that I know.

Day 141: 'The Family' and the B side

Last month I painted an acrylic on canvas artwork for a friend, the artwork I called it 'The Family' and I said to my friend that I would paint a B side artwork at the back of the canvas - so he only shows it to a few selected people although there are no rules really.

Let's say that the artwork 'La Familia' 'The Family' becomes famous worldwide, even more famous than Leonardo da Vinci's 'Mona Lisa', let's say everyone with use of reason knows of and has seen the artwork - everyone except you. Would you like to see the B Face of the artwork as well? The artwork that supposedly I have painted at the back of the arwork? Because you know there is something at the back but you have never seen it.

Let's say it differently. Say no one has seen the B face of the artwork in the entire universe, only the creator, myself, knows what is behind 'La Familia' but I die one day - Would you like to be the only person in the entire universe to then see the B face of 'La Familia'? Remember it is the most known artwork in the universe, and only you get to know what is or isn't behind it! And what would you do after seeing the B face, would you THEN feel special?

What is more valuable, the 'Mona Lisa' or 'La Familia'? Can we really compare? No we can't - comparing is useless - it was different times, different people with different skills. Do I want 'La Familia to become worldwide famous? It is not in my hands - the people decide that. But know this: Both 'La Familia' and the 'Mona Lisa' are irrelevant in this reality. You give it relevance. You put value where you want. I suggest you put value on Life, as each is Life in essence. Everyone has a value of 1, and 1+1 = 2, the equality equation.

Let me explain you the equality equation differently. Let's say all the population on Earth currently does at the same time win the Euromillions lottery ten thousand times over. What would each do with this money? We cannot out buy eachother because we would all have the same ridicule amount of money! So each would have a value of 1 then. And we would not buy and sell 'eachother' or have power plays but we would help eachother to reach common as well as individual goals. Where does your freedom stop? Where another's freedom start. Do no harm. Do what is Best for All.

But let's say for a moment that with the ridiculous amount of money we each have from winning the Euromillions ten thousand times over, we decide we are bored and want to gamble it, so some start playing poker with their money. It will arrive a situation where most will lose and only some will win. That is what happened with this reality, only that we have to 'reset the game' and give back to everyone equally. And never ever allow inequality to run this rampant - i.e. famine, wars and so on.

Day 140: Programmed Nature

Sometimes I forget, if ever I am aware, that I am like a computer, programmed by myself to where I am what I am today - either actively or by acceptance and allowance. If I don't like it I can change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about my preprogrammed nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget to run the mind anti-virus as self forgiveness, self honesty and practical application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that if there is anything I don't like about myself, I can change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a lesser version than the best version of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I have the power to change myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not work towards becoming the best version of myself as much as I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that outer change starts with inner change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not use as much as I can the tools for self-change as in self honesty, self forgiveness and practical application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the simplicity of the need that I change.

Whenever I see that I believe I cannot change, I stop and I breathe. I realize I have programmed myself into who I am now, so I can change it the same.