Day 207: Inattentive type of ADHD for Work and Study

At work I wasn't reaching efficiency, that is, I was going too slow. I didn't know why, eventhough I tried to motivate myself to go faster, nothing seemed to work. Until I researched about ADD/ADHD and I saw clearly what was happening at work: I was distracting myself with everything and anything, thus being slower in my productivity. I did by myself a screening test for ADHD and it came out that I can have the inattentive type. This means that I get easily distracted whenever I am doing something that doesn't particularly interest me.

This might explain why I have not been able so far to graduate university, which I am no longer doing. I would repeat the same subjects again and again but because I would find impossible to put myself to study, I would never pass them. Or if I put myself to study, I would get distracted with something else, and end up not studying.

Now that I know I am prone to get distracted, I can focus at work, and get the job done, this time, very effectively and efficiently. I do this by focusing on the task at hand and blocking any and every distraction.

What a game changer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for apparently being unable to study.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that to know myself is utterly important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not being able to pass at university.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as slow at my workplace without seeing, realising and understanding what was the cause of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is always a root cause for everything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I am not succeeding at life there is a root cause for it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can find my root cause as to why I am failing at study and work and life in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I didn't have a problem, I would be naturally successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I cannot manage ADD without medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can overcome ADD without medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a 'magical pill' to solve all my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge brain-related medication as bad.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to test everything, and that if that means trying medication I can do that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not all about medication when facing ADD.