Day 225: Chain of Events to the Present

 

Walk the talk, and so I walk, regardless of how many days I have missed, every day is a new opportunity to write. No need to obsess myself so much with the chain of events, meaning the past, as if in I have not written for a couple of days somehow I am cursed lol. Instead I will write on a given day if I can, without looking back at how many days I have missed, and so giving me the opportunity to write unconditionally.

It is interesting how we or I can use the past to condition our present. So use the past as an excuse. But instead I can forget about the past and simply do what is best, in every moment, regardless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as an excuse to not write, as an excuse to condition my present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the Present in present as in the gift in present where it is a gift that is given to me unconditionally for me to do what is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to taint my Present with my Past - where I don't have to do that in fact.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to enjoy my Present as the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look back at the Past during my Present and let that influence my present negatively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that looking back has to be done to learn form my past not to influence my Present in any other way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to the chain of events to the present whereas in fact it is not important as in every single breath I can change completely, in any given breath of the Present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow memories as the past to influence my Present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that to truly be free I have to let go of the past and live completely in the Present as every breath Here.

I commit myself to let go of the past in every breath and live unconditinally in the Present that is the present.

Day 224: Creative Powers

Bipolar is fun - but has consequences -, that is the highs, thats why myself and others, there was a time that I didn't want to take medication for it. Because medication can make you feel normal - how horrible! - Or low, which is worse.

Because when I was in a manic high I could from my point of view, do anything, achieve anything and talk to anyone super elocuently. Eventhough I might come out as a nut to other people, I had a high drive and belief that I could do anything!

Because I could believe I was able to do anything, I would go for dubvious ventures that were out of the scope, like a supermarket chain once for example, I believed I could create that. And as time progressed then I wold think something else so nothing was done. 

But in terms of communication, I was able to communicate more with other people, even do some magic tricks with money on the spot (see speending too much money), so basically I had a lot of fun in my manic highs of bipolar.

I want to move this pure, raw belief in myself to my day to day life where I am on a normal state. Because what can one be able to accomplish with pure belief in oneself and with detailed action that not being manic gives you.

A realisation: I am not two persons, one manic and one normal or non-manic. I am one person, and whatever I was able to do while manic I can do while 'normal'.

When I was manic I had this radical belief in myself, that I could do anything, all encompassing and so big that I felt so good and everything I put myself to do, I would trust myself completely, like playing a piano in a restaurant, eventhough I didn't take one piano lesson in my life I did that.

So with that my creative powers were heightened because:

- I believed in myself 100%

- I thought I could do and achieve anything

- I wanted to have fun and others have fun with me

That is the key points.

See how interesting it is the third point: Once I believe that I can do and achieve anything there is one thing that arises and it is: To have fun. I wanted to have fun and have all others have fun with me, so I would for example share and be more active in Instagram with my adventures and I got feedback that people enjoyed it.

So once we break the barriers that we cannot change this world and we in fact believe and do it, the next point will be Having Fun together.

Disclaimer: Hipomania can lead to full blown mania, psych hospitalization and loss of money in many cases (overspending).