Day 14: Being a waiter

A teacher I had at school in my teenager years  found me waiting tables at a restaurant, she asked me, you are a waiter? And I replied with oh no I also go to uni. I attached inferiority to being a waiter as if I am less for waiting tables as a job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe waiting tables is 'an inferior job'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that being a waiter is being a servant/slave to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everyone serves everyone in this life: Parents serve children, teachers serve children, businessmen serve clients etc.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am simply serving our clients and that it does not mean I am inferior to our clients or other people that do other jobs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the gifts in being a waiter as what I can get from it to expand myself.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to judge being a waiter as boring despite proving to myself that when I work I am not bored.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that waiting tables will make me dull when I have met people that have been waiting tables for a very long time that are not dull at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that waiting tables I can develop skills that are not necessarily 'intellectual' but that does not mean that they are less.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare intellectual skills with practical skills.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how waiting tables can help me in being grounded here in reality as I have to work with reality/physicality to get the job done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being a waiter as boring, dull and inferior because being a waiter requires skills that are not easy to develop thus I judged being a waiter so I don't have to put the effort into getting the skills to be good at it virtually giving up before I have started.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up on the opportunity of being a waiter beforehand through judging the job as dull, boring and inferior, in separation form myself - all to not make the effort to learn the necessary skills.

Whenever I see that I judge being a waiter as inferior or dull, or boring I stop and I breathe. I realize that being a good waiter requires practical skills that one cannot learn 'intellectually' but that have to be lived so it is a skill that one has to develop in reality, a real skill and that it does not have to be compared to intellectual skills.

I commit myelf to remind myself that waiting tables require an effort and that I have judged it to not have to do the effort to get the skills necessary to be good at it - so whenever I see I judge being a waiter I stop and see what skill am I resisting to learn/to do effectively to instead do it/learn it and expand  myself.

Whenever I see that I compare being a waiter with being intellectual I stop and I breathe. I realize that I cannot compare knowing a maths formula and serving a client at the restaurant and that one has no more value over the other - furthermore simply knowing a formula will not serve me in this life if it is not applied while serving a costumer is something that adds up into a salary that supports me in this life - while also helping me being grounded in the physical. So waiting tables is a practical application while knowing a maths formula is simply knowledge that without application is useless.

Day 11: Strengths in Problems

Found some gifts in bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from 'normal' because I have bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as 'not normal' because I have bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am indeed normal, only that I have had periods of instability in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others seeing me as 'incapacitated'/'incapable' for being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will treat me differently for having bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am stronger because of bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how difficult times make me stronger.

I commit myself to remind myself that difficult times make me stronger.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can now face instability with greater effect because I've dealt with very high ups and very deep downs.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can let go of addictions easily now because I have already experienced what it means to be very high up and how it does not make a difference in who I am in fact - as I have to deal with the same stuff every day.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I can stop being afraid of fear as I have walked through utmost fear during manic depression.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted or allowed myself to realize that I can let go of fear of of others, as I have walked persecutory delusion and found out that it is not real/no one is 'out to get me'.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can appreciate more being stable now that I have been very depressed and very euphoric.

I commit myself to remind myself of how simplicity of living and reality, this earth, is what is fascinating and there is nothing to discover/it is no way of living depression or euphoria as they simply are blinds/distortions that don't let us see the beauty of reality.