Day 212: Do I Have Time?

Do I have time to dedicate to myself? Do I have time to do what is best for me and for All? When faced with a difficult task, as with anything else, we don't know if we will be able to complete it because death is unpredictable - yet what is sure is the only way to get it done is to start and stick with it until the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to finish something, then I use it as an excuse to not start it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that time is a created thing that one do to dedicate to something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I don't have time to do something completely, it is still the best option to start it anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make sure I can finish something before I start it, while this is impossible due to the nature of the physical as unpredictable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can die at any moment/day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the relation of die/day as any day we can die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be grateful for every day that I get to live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for every breath that I get to experience and live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my days and breaths

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every day is an opportunity to expand, specify and improve myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to explore what is possible to do with this one life that I have been given

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that there is a tomorrow for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have plenty of tomorrows as it is unknown

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work with the certainty of every breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every breath is an opportunity to either be self honest or not and the implications that this have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I start living in every moment of breath as if it is the last nothing will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a future - using this to not stand up for myself in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not stand up for myself in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the answers and my saviour are there in some future while all the way it is me that have the answers and can 'save myself'

Day 146: The Time is Always Right

The time is always right to become better, more, become someone I would want to be.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the time is always right to become better, to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everything is possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my time to better myself as much as I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that all time is right when I have free time -- to better myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am always on the right moment to better myself whenever I have time.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can do much more by changing the mindset from 'having time' for things to 'making time' for thingsl

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the potential I have in every moment to support myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I depend on me solely to do what I decide to do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can make time for everything I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not do what I decide to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to do stuff and then not do it as much as I commited myself to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'collapse' and do nothing whenever I have many things that I decided to do to get done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the practicality of doing one thing at a time, one breath at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can manage time effectively.

Day 50: Fear of Being Late

The other day I was at home at the computer writing an email and checking the time to go to work, I was about to leave home when I received a call from work saying that they were waiting for me, I was supposed to be there already! I hadn't realized  that the time I was leaving for work was a quarter later of the time to leave home. I had mistaken the time.

So today I had this fear of tomorrow not being on time at work. All the fears can be traced back to the fear of death. This fear of course is linked to the fear of having no money and  without money, fear of dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear arriving late at work and being fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear not having the ability to buy what I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'fucking up' and being fired from the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'managers' at work not being happy with me.

Whenever I see that I fear arriving late at work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to be aware and be here whenever I check the time to go to work, and make sure that I am arriving on time, and there is no point in fearing, I simply have to make sure I arrive on time.

I commit myself to whenever I check the time to go to work, make sure I know when I am supposed to be there.

Day 34: Patience

When writing a new blog I want to have the topic at the moment and I even want to be finished before I start! This is not how it goes and I have to have patience with myself with finding a topic and with writing the blog.

It is the same with R that is always asking where I go, what I do, how I am, I have to have more patience with her as I react to her when she asks.

And it is the same with studying, have patience with giving me the time to develop a skill.

It seems that having patience is giving time to things in order for them to happen smoothly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience when writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to write a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience when finding a topic to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to find a topic to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to R asking me how I am or what I do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience with R when interacting with her.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to interact with R so that she is assured that I am ok.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience to develop the skills necessary when studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the time to develop the skills necessary to succeed at my studies.

I commit myself to have patience, to give me time to myself when writing a blog.

I commit myself to have patience with R, to give me time to interact with her.

I commit myself to have patience with myself when studying, to give me time to study.