Day 152: The Night I Met A Billionaire

The potential of a blank document is that you can put whatever on it, I am faced with this blank space now that I am writing this blog and everyday that I put myself to write one. This is the potential of my life as well, of my future, where I fill the the blank space of the future with what I do in the present. True change comes from within. And I see all of the days that I have blogged, I have mantained a kind of consistency that is cool. And although it may seem I am all over the place it might be because I hadn't set a goal for this blog, what comes comes. Such is life, where one day I met a so called billionaire and the next I was in the psychiatric hospital - my dreams shattered, I have to rely on myself there is no saviour coming. The future with my billionaire friend seemed bright but it was only a late night party pal with drunken void promises it seems for all accounts. So it seems that figuring out my future is still something I am doing and it is exciting and frightening at the same time.

More on the billionaire: He told me how he 'hated' everybody else, people don't really give a fuck about you when you don't have money and I have tested this for myself, they simply won't give a fuck - so once you solve the money problem why should you give a fuck about them? Well we can talk about solving the problem on a country scale with basic income but at the individual level you can't give a fuck because if you were in the same position let's say you are poor, no one will give a fuck. So no one will give a fuck about me and I better find my own way to success because it is something you do - not given.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have my future solved by a billionaire.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to rely on myself for self-change and success.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to give me my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I create my own future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as free money for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have free money given to me instead of me giving it to myself through my own endeavours.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build dreams from what was said to me by a so called billionaire.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that for practical purposes, I am on my own.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to own up to the realization that I am for practical purposes regarding money, on my own.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is no such thing as free money for now.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that there is no saviour coming to rescue me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bummed out because the billionaire did not rescue me to have a cool life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can create a cool life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want nice things given to me instead of me giving them to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make dreams from what was said to me by a so called billionaire instead of remaining here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot build whatever the dream is for myself.