Day 81:Bossing Around Newbies

We have a new co-worker at work and I noticed how I want him to do as I say because I have more experience than him. There is no problem in telling how tings are done but the problem is that I want him to do as I say, going into a power trip if I am to be successful at him doing what I say. It has not worked, meaning I could say him to put the plates in a different way and he would say there is no space, when in fact there was, so the only thing that worked was that I put the plates in order myself so that he could see how it is done.

Overall I can see that I have beliefs about having authority over others for being longer on the job, which is not true. So instead of trying to boss around newbies what I'll do now is show them how it is done and that's it. I see I am not more than them, and I cannot try to boss them around, as it only indicates how I don't have autority over me when I try to have authority over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want Y to obey me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have power over Y because I have been longer in the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that Y has to do what I say because I know how things are done and he doesn't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be strict with Y in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have power over new recruits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that antiquity in the job means I have more authority.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have autority over myself and want to exteriorize it on Y.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am entitled to power because of antiquity in the job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to believe power doensn't come from antiquity but from how much I apply common sense, how others see that what I do makes sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to say to Y how to do things well instead of showing him by doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe I am equal to Y.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not believe in Y for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge Y as not fit/slow for the job.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others in the job.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to simply try to improve myself intstead of looking at how others perform.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to be unfair with Y by judging him when he is still learning how to do the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on Y in my mind by judging him as slow when he is still a newbie at the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see Y as a threat instead that as a valuable job peer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from newbies at work by believing I am more for knowing how stuff is done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into a power trip by having Y do what I tell him to do.

I believe myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that if I have Y do what I say I will have power over him.

I commit myself to remind myself to not judge others.

I commit myelf to remind myself to take it back to self whenever I am being hard on others and judge others, to see where I am being hard on myself and I judge myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that being longer on the job doensn't mean I have authority over others.

I commit myelf to show Y how stuff is done by doing it not by telling.

Whenever I see that I try to 'boss Y around' I stop and I breathe, I realize that I cannot boss anyone around, that I merely have to show how it is done if I know how it is done, and that's it.

Whenever I see that I want Y to do something, I stop and I breathe. I see if I can show him by doing or if not, and if not I simply comment to him how it is done, without wanting him to do differently, I simply share what I know.

Day 80: Participation in Moderation

Yesterday I went out and this point of moderation came up, how in order to have fun one can participate in going out in moderation and it is fun as well, one doesn't have to participate in excess in order to have fun, or limit oneself by not participating at all.

For example having one drink, it is enough. Previously I would not have even one drink but yesterday it was hot inside the disco and I was thirsty so I had one drink. Later on I was outside and although I don't smoke I asked for a cigarette to strike a conversation with a group of females. Afterwards I danced with them inside. Overall participating in moderation is fun.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the benefits in living moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that not only excess can be pleasant but moderation as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to have fun I have to participate in excess.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can have fun participating in moderation.

I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to not see the benefits in moderation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing I only can have fun when participating in excess.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can participate in moderation and have fun.

I commit myself to remind myself that I don't have to limit myself by not participating or by participating in excess, but that I can participate in moderation in things.

Whenever I see that I want to participate in something, I ask myself, is it within moderation? And then act accordingly.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is OK to participate in things in moderation.

I commit myself to remind myself that one doensn't need to be wasted in order to have fun.

Day 79: Difficulties at Studying

Today I have been facing what I find are difficult math, but in time it may be easy for me, who knows. I've seen that when I face a difficult problem I want to give up before I even start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up before I even start in my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge what I have to do as too difficult.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if others can do it, so can I - with regards to math problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot do math.

I forigive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I cannot do math.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up because apparently I can't do math.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I will laugh at me wanting to give up now when I can do the problems well in the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that being good at math will take time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beileve that if I can't do something right away it means I cannot do it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to be patient with myself with learning new things.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself how long it took me to learn to walk - for example -, so it can take me a while to be good at math but eventually I will make it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to believe in myself in relation to math and other subjects.

I commit myself to remind myself that it can take time for me to be good at math but I don't have to give up because of this.

I commit myself to remind myself to be patient with myself while I learn new things.

I commit myself to remind myself to believe in myself.

Day 78: Goal Setting

Today I was reading an interview of Chris Hemsworth, the australian actor that portrays Thor in the Marvel movies, he talks about how he had a good childhood  nearby aboriginal tribes, his rise to fame and how he lives now in a cool place, like a paradise with his wife Elsa Pataky and children.

Who wouldn't want to have a life like that? We all should be able to have a good childhood, be able to provide a good childhood for our children and make a decent living - n
in fact we could all live like millionaires if we globally put ourselves to this effort, starting with a universal basic income.

Googling Chris, the first thing that appears is news that Chris slept on a public bench, took a nap at the street - lol, in the interview they did say that he was a down to earth guy.

His interview made me think about me, how I have to set myself goals and work towards them, had Chris not done so he would have never achieved what he has achieved, so at least I have to set my goals and work towards them to have the possibility of them becoming real.

I forgive myself that I have acceped and allowed myself to separate myself from Chris Hemsworth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can also achieve a good life maybe not to the level of Chris but effective as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not set myself with high goals in the belief that I can't achieve them.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to not plan my life carefully essentially giving up before I even start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I cannot achieve good things for me in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can change my life for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that maybe I won't become rich and famous but I can substantially change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot have a good life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can create a good life for myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can create a good life for myself.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am the creative principle of my life.

Day 77: Blogging Expectations

For three days I have not been able to write, I did not know what topic to write about - or so I thought. Today I started doing some self forgiveness on this point and the point came up of how I give importance on my blog posts being shared/featured and how I fear my posts not being shared/featured. This implies that the content that I am going to post can be in my eyes less valuable than my previous ones if I don't get featured/shared as much.

So I put this unnecessary pressure on me by wanting my next blog post being shared/featured and this made it more difficult for me to write.

Now I see it is not if my blog post is shared or not but how useful it is for me, as it can be then useful to others, this is the value of my blog. So I will keep writing blogs that are most useful to me and perhaps in turn help out others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have no topic to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I need inspiration in order to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the 'writers block' is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to my expectations when I blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will not like this post as much as the other ones.

I forgive myself that that I have accepted and allowed myself to base the worth of a my blog whether it is shared by other people or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can blog about what bothers me at the moment, a point that is not directed within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel fulfilled whenever others share my blog and fear being empty if they don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if others don't share my blog I am not good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value my self worth on others actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not how much my blog is shared but how much can support another, which I cannot measure and may not be immediate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe being featured/shared means my blog is more valuable, where it would be equally valuable if it was not featured/shared as much.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myelf to believe that I have made it if I get shared/featured and that I am a failure if I don't.

I commit myself to remind myself that blogs are as valuable as they are useful to me, which in turn can be useful to others as well.

I commit myself to remind myself that if my blog is not featured/shared as much it is not less valuable.

I commit myself to remind myself that I write the blogs for me, not to be featured/shared.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is cool if I am being featured/shared but it is not to make it something special/more than what it is.

I commit myself to remind myself that my blog will be equally valuable if it happens to not be shared/featured as much.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not a failure if I don't get shared/featured as much.

I commit myself to remind myself that the value in my blogs is how useful they are to me, how much they give to me, and not how much they are shared/featured.

Day 76: Patience With Change

Sometimes I want to change very fast and reality shows me otherwise, that it can take time for change to be implemented. Today I felt somnolence during the day and allowed myself to sleep eventhough I know I should have pushed to do things, but hey it is not to judge me, next time I will do better.

Who says the process of change is linear? Where we simply do it better and better every day? Changing also means 'fucking up' so we can learn from our mistakes, changing doesn't mean that every day we do a bit more without making mistakes. Making mistakes is beneficial because we know what happens if we go that specific rute, if we behave in a particular way.

So we have to have patience with change, because some days will feel like a success but some other days can look like a failure, but if you really look at failure as the mistake to learn from it, then it is not a day lost but used to better self in the process of change. Miss Take, if you Miss a Take you Take another Take Bernard Poolman said.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to want to change immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be effective at everything immediately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that change will take time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it will take daily self-discipline to implement change in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get resutls fast when it comes to changing habits.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself if I don't see change, instead of having patience.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word patience to its utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in the process of change it may feel as if I go back at times, I fall back, but it is merely part of the journey onwards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that progressing/changing only means doing it better day by day, when in fact it can mean fucking up some days/not being effective some days so we know what to do next time in a similar situation/we know what happens if we behave a certain way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go to sleep when I feel somnolence instead of pushing myself to stay awake and do physical things.

Day 75: Being the Last One in Sports

When I was a teenager I did sports, the one I enjoyed the most was kayak. I lived in a village that has a lake, it is 2km long and about 0.6km wide - so you can run around it in about half an hour or walk around it in one hour.

The trick with kayaking is balance in the begining, because the better the kayak the more narrow it is as it has less contact with the water and it is faster. So you start with a wide heavy kayak and progress to more narrow and light kayak that can weight about 11kg and are very unstable if you are not used to them, this means that you can end up in the water easily - lol.

So this is a point that I mastered, using  lightweight narrow kayak without falling constantly into the water - lol.

Then we would race with the kayaks but because I started this sport not very early on and because I was not very strong physically I wasn't very good, but at least I completed the races I attended, which would also score points for our team.

Sometimes I forget about points that I have mastered and it is as though I have not mastered anything, but it takes looking back at my life to find them.

This is a cool reminder that it is not needed to be the best at something in order to participate - and be of value to the community, I raced with my team and would end up the last one but I had fun and scored for the team, so it is all good. I remember I always did my best, my heart pumping at maximum rate, it was a great effort for me.

How many times have I excluded myself from an activity because I regarded myself as 'very bad at it' when in fact it is totally irrelevant, as long as I enjoy doing it - it doesn't matter I am the least skilled, there will always be someone that is the least skilled, and I don't  mind it being me. Considering I put effort and I am doing my best, maybe I am doing more than someone in front of me, with regards to how much effort, how much of me I am putting into the activity.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone that ends up in the first position in a race is better than one that finishes last.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to participate in something only if I am very good at it.

I forgive myself that I have not acepted and allowed myself to see that it is not needed to be the best or very good at something to be able to participate in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exclude myself from activities in my life because I am not good at it if I compare myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it doensn't matter the position I end up in a race but the effort that I put in the endeavour.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there will always be someone that is the least skilled in an activity, so there is no point in judging myself if I find it is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that it is not the position I end up in a race, but the effort I put into it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that personal achievement is what matters, that I don't have to compare myself to others with regards to competitive activities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to exclude myself for being less skilled at something than others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is how much of me I put into an activity, how much effort I put into it, and not the final position I end up in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself that what matters is personal achievement, how much I can do and  progress in relation to ME and not in relation to others.

I commit myself to remind myself to not compare myself to others, but merely see in others what is possible to achieve - but it doesn't mean that I have to achieve that, as maybe the phyisical differences make it impossible for me to achieve that level.

I commit myself to remind myself that what has value is the effort I put into an activity such as a sport, not the final position I end up in.

I commit myself to remnd myself that I don't have to exclude myself from activities at which I am not very skilled or the least skilled because there will always be someone in that position, so if I am in that position I don't judge myself and simply continue with my effort to better myself for myself, not to surpass others.

I commit myself to remind myself that wether I finish first or last in a race, I will always know self honestly if I did my best or not, so I can do more by finishing last and doing my best, than finishing first doing it half-heartedly.

Day 74: Growth vs Procrastination

I have noticed that whenever I have to deal with clients on Swifdemand, I do it swiftly lol - I never procrastinate, I do it in the moment. Maybe because this is a new application to me, but still it requires an effort on my part. When I compare it with studying, I don't put myself to study immediately whenever I have the time, most of the times I do something else and tell myself that I will study afterwards.

So this is an application that I want to live for myself, the immediately taking of self responsibility, the directing, the doing it in the moment as soon as I have to do it.

When I am at the job and they tell me to do something, I do it in the moment, immediately, then why not do it when studying? Why not do it for me?

If I take every opportunity I have for growth such as studying, doing DIP Pro, writing a blog, instead of procrastinating, who will I become? So much more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply what I do in my work of doing things immediately to my daily life at studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate whenever I have to study, instead of doing like I do with Swiftdemand clients of doing the work as soon as possible, without putting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses whenever I am facing with the opportunity of studying.

I forgive myelf that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate self responsibility whenever I don't take on an opportunity to study.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that if I am able to do stuff in the moment in other areas of my life, I can do the same with studying.

I commit myself to take on every oppotunity that I have to study, without procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can do stuff immediately without procrastination.

I commit myself to do things for myself such as studying immediately whenever I have the opportunity so that I can expand and grow and progress.

I commit myself to remind myself that excuses are not valid when it comes to procrastination.

I commit myself to remind myself that procrastination is never valid.

I commit myself to remind myself that an opportunity to do something is a step I can take towards bettering myself or an opportunity lost for self expansion.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to take on every opportunity I have to better/expand myself and so in this way keep on growing instead of diminishing myself with procrastination.

Day 73: Master Something, Then Share About It

I have lately seen this point of mastering something before you share about it. Why? Because then you can share the ins and outs of it, can say specifically how it works, why it works or doesn't work and also give advice. 

If you have not mastered something then if you share about it your information will be incomplete, you will be unable to answer some questions that the listener may have and in the end you will be doing a disservice to the product or that something you are sharing about, in not having all the information about how it works and how to apply it/be successful at it.

This I have seen this with selling products at the store on SwiftDemand.com, SwiftDemand is a cryptocurrency that works as a basic income and it gives everyone that signs up 100 Swifts a day. There is also a store where you can sell your products. I've been selling there with good results and I've been able to talk about it with others that may be interested in selling there. But this goes for everything, it is best to share once you master something.

In the past I've wanted to talk about process but failed, mostly because one has to be the living example, show how it worked to you, then the other can relate.

It is very simple stuff but it is a good reminder to go back to whenever we try to share about something and it doesn't work, maybe it is because we have not been successful at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to share before I become successful at something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do stuff I have not really applied for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless others see the value in what we share/see the results - they will most likely not listen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to only share once I have results about what I share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do stuff I have not yet mastered myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the only way for others to listen to what I have to say is if I have mastered what I am going to share, or applied it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to do what I have not yet done myself.

I commit myself to remind myself to do whatever I want others to do, do it myself first, and then share about it.

I commit myself to apply what I want to share first and then share about it with showing the results.

Day 72: Who's Gonna See This? Debunking the Fear of Exposure

Sometimes I wonder, who is going to see my blog, and what will they think about it? Well most of the time I don't care about what I think, how will I care about what others think? That is the first reaction, and it's true, we don't have to guide our actions depending on what others are going to think of us. I write this blog to support myself and share my process of change so that others can benefit as well as how I benefit from it. If that is not cool with you, well, you clearly have a problem.

The part that always make me wonder if they think am crazy is the self forgiveness part, you know, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself... But the self forgiveness is a tool to take self responsibility for everything, like I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to fear others judging me for what I write in my blog. Like I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being outcasted for writting my Journey to Life blogs.

And this is a topic that has being itching for a long time, every time I post I wonder about it, and it was time to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being disregarded for what I write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from my writings by judging them as 'dangerous'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my writtings as 'not fit for everybody'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that forgiving myself is normal, what is not normal is not forgiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from self-forgiveness judging it as 'dangerous' and 'not-for-everybody'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking 'cultish'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my fears to run instead of stopping and forgiving them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself when sharing self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing opportunities for the fact that I write my blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give importance to the general belief that 'one can't forgive oneself' and thus see my blogs as 'special' in a bad way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by potential friends when they see my blogs, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that if they reject me for this, I'm better off without them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my career being affected by my blog writing.

I commit myself to embrace self-forgiveness and my blogs and not accept and allow myself to be separated from them in fear.

I commit myself to not pay attention to what others think of my blogs, but instead keep blogging for me and those that dig it.

I commit myelf to remind myself that forgiving myself is a normal thing to do, what is not normal is not forgiving myself.

If you've made it this far, Thank You.

Day 71: I'm Back

I have not been writing blogs for a few - 4 - days because I had this dilemma where I had to study but I wasn't studying and then I wasn't blogging because I had to study, so this was like a loop/vicious circle where I didn't study or do blogs. Finally today and a bit yesterday I put myself to study even if only a little bit and I've seen that damn am I wasting time! And that I will no more accept and allow myself to sabotage myself by participating in this construct of not doing one thing thus not doing the other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself by not studying and then not blog because I have to be studying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hinder my development by not doing in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to put excuses to not study and not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myelf as fake if I blog not having studied before, whereas it is only practical that I blog when I have something to say/when I have the moment and study when I have the moment too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the days pass without studying or blogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself by not allowing myself to blog if I have not studied.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am only worthy of publihing blogs if I have studied, whereas I can blog about why am I not studying for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself in a vicious cycle of not doing study work or blogs.

In italics Self Forgiveness by my DIP buddy Kim K.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I want to move to start studying/dip I instead think about it, process it in my mind instead of simply moving myself to do the work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, in the moment of looking at beginning to study or work, rather go into my mind and project about the work, who I will be in the work and how it will make me feel instead of actually taking a breath, moving in to the work and actually experiencing who I am within it in real time, wherein, within this I can then observe my experience and chose to breathe through and direct it, thus empowering myself in the moment to MOVE myself, instead of disempowering myself through mind-processing only, where it is my mind moving busily, creating energy and resistances, while I, in the physical, actually get nothing done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I have to start studying think about how hard it will be and how difficult it will be for me to do it and that I don't know where to even start, instead of simply putting myself to study and let it be however it goes it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry because I am not studying instead of stopping my worry immediately by taking action and putting myself to study immediately, without 'looking back'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at learning as 'hard' and 'difficult' instead of simply looking at it for what it is, a step by step process, where I take the first step to then figure out the next one, but instead I look at all the steps at the same time, placing them in front of me and creating a giant mountain, when in fact it is only ever a step by step slope  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look at how much time I need and how much time I have to study instead of putting myself unconditionallly to study with the time I have available, without worrying if it is too much or too little, but work with what I have, as I do not know beforehand what will I be able to do/ understand/learn with the time I have available so I use all the available time I have to study even if it seems too little, to see what I am capable of/what is my capacity and to be able to handle work and studies effectively managing time

Day 70: Secret Addictions - Do You Have One?

Do you have a secret addiction? Many of us have or have had secret addictions, for example drugs and porn. I met a guy that was playing the drum near where I live and we would meet regularly to play together - me playing the guitar. After a while he introduced me to a friend of his that plays the guitar, and we would meet up at times to play - very cool because he knows guitar more than I do and I learn with him. So this individual recently opened up and revealed to me that he has an addiction to the drug Speed, and that he never plays the guitar without having taken it.

Who would have known? I didn't see it coming. This individual shared with me that he never thought that he would end up addicted to it, and it is true, what at one point of our lives we say we'd never do we can end up doing - interesting.

Many of us have addictions and this doesn't make us any better than a drug addict - or any worse, it is simply that at one point of our lives we are addicted. We can be addicted to thinking, coffee, cigarrettes, shopping, arguing, medication etc. We are most of the time poly-addicts in fact.

It is time to stop our addictions.

Solutions

To stop your addictions one can do the 21 days to freedom, which consists of stopping the addiction for 21 days and then you are free. If you 'fall' back to the addiction, you start counting again 21 days, until you make it.

Try it out, it is worth your while.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become poly addict.

I forgive myself that I have acccepted and allowed myself to fear others knowing about my addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior because I have an addiction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that addiction is more powerful than I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to my addiction, in fear I'll lose something if I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I get something out of my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am stronger than my addictions.

I commit myself to stop my addictions.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am stronger than my addictions.

Day 69: The Struggling Artist

One day I met a guy that does ceramics, he was very passionate about hand scuplting. We connected really well, I was impressed by his skill.

Recently he contacted me and I've met him again, this time in Barcelona where after a long chain of events he is squatting the place where he lives now and has no income. He relies on food disposed by supermarkets and bakeries and that's basically what he eats, and to smoke he collects what he calls ''chustas' which are unfinished cigarrettes in spanish slang. Recently he has had the landlords cut off his water supply. A friend close by lets him shower at his home.

Many living in the so called third world countries live far worse than he is doing curretntly but, come on, no one should have to live off off disposed food, have no running water and zero income. I bought a little piece of his art for what I could afford at the moment, 9 euros, and he bought two smoking papers packets for 1 euro - to rooll the tabacco from the 'chustas' - and said that he should really manage the money left well. 

Living at this level, I have never lived at this barely minimum level. And no one should have to. This is why I support a Universal Basic Income.

What could he do with a basic income? Aside from paying his living expenses, it would be awesome the art he would create. He also dabbles in making his own electronic music and needs a new computer to do it and he wants to build a ceramics oven - pretty cool things he would do with a basic income. No one should be an 'struggling artist' - this term should disappear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living at the baremum minimum and have no income. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to want to help out K, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I cannot 'save' anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give money to K, without seeing, realizing and understanding that I a not in a position to give money to anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no income

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living on the streets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I coudl never end up like K.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in this system it is very possible to end up with nothing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ensure that everyone has enough.

I commit myself to walk until all have a basic income, until all have a basic quailty of life.

I commit myself to remind myelf that I have to become effective in this system, so as to not have to find myself without a job in the future.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to be ruthless, as the system is ruthless, so I have to be ruthless in standing up for myself, both in the system and as who I am.

Day 68: Pushing the Right Buttons for Change - Fake It Till You Make It

The other day I overheard a conversation where I believed wrongly that they were referring to me as a 'liar' - I reacted immediately with stopping what I was doing and listening attentively to what they were saying. With walking this reaction in my DIP Pro assignment with the help of my buddy in our weekly chat it came out that ultimately this was linked to me wanting others to see me as truthful, and this was because I am not completely self-honest, but so long as everyone sees me as 'honest' and 'a good person' I can continue to live this way - self-dishonestly, and not have to change.

At this point I saw how I am writing blogs and so on but not really walking self forgiveness for myself. Another point I saw is that I am not being serious with my studies, not walking them effectively. So I have to start walking for real, forgiving myself for real and dealing with my studies effectively.

Now, I can react to what I know now and throw a tantrum because of how I am walking is not effective, it is empty in a way, but instead of doing that I see it is best that I simply learn from my mistake and change it, so I walk effectively from now on in all areas of my life.

So you can say I did the whole 'fake it till you make it' where I inadvertedly I have 'faked it' by not walking 'full on' but eventually I will make it because I have realized my mistake and won't stop walking until I make it.

I am grateful to my DIP Pro buddy Kim K for helping  me out in realising this point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live self forgiveness for real, to not apply self forgiveness, to not forgive myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I write a blog daily I am already 'on path' not seeing, realizing and  understanding the obvious of practical living, where I have to be effective in my live and forgive myself for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the point that I have not been walking for real, instead of stopping and changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to see me as truthful, so as long a they see me as truthful I don't have to be self-honest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put importance in how others see me instead of valuing my self-honesty/using self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not walk my process for myself but intead 'do it for the blog', do it for the outward appearance.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to walk my studies effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to assess my process self-honestly and see what I have to change, but simply work to have a nice 'facade' - so as long as others believe I am truthful I don't have to change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what others percieve of me.

I commit myself to asses myself in self-honesty, to see where I need to change and apply myself more, and disregard what others percieve/think of me.

I commit myself to remind myself that ultimately it is self-honesty what I have to live and apply, and what I know of myself is the truth, no matter what others believe of me.

I commit myself to, now that I realied I was not being self honest, to keep walking in self honesty, assessing every day if I am walking effectively or not.