Day 164: The Way

What is the way? Each should find their way. Find what works. Recently I was told I was being too provocative on Facebook - which has garnered me some attention I previously did not have - and that I should simply share naturally - well it is turns out it comes out naturally that way and my intention is not to be provocative but to do my part of doing that which is Best for All.

Because to express that way - my intention was to do my part in 'this reality becoming one that is best for All'.

Bernard Poolman  was provocative? What does it mean to be provocative? Should you be more provocative?

Provocative: Causing thought about interesting subjects

Provocative: Causing an angry reaction, usually intentionally

Definitely I am doing the first definition, and if someone gets angry - I am not meaning to do that intentionally - it is for them to process that anger and come through the other end with more understanding if they dare.

Common sense I am sharing on Facebook and what comes up when my intention is to do what is Best for All - period.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other judging me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am not ready to share.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others might say if I speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see I am equal to All that exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself by not speaking up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can't speak up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being left out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  fear not fitting in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not enough confident to speak up and stand up for myself and All.

Day 163: De-Pression

When I sleep too much then there is a sign of onset of depression - specially if I sleep during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sleep too much - oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I cannot sleep too many hours or I will start to become depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it's ok to oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I oversleep I might start to become depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I cannot evade from myself even if I oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that sleeping will not solve my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for comfort in oversleeping.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to keep oversleeping to not have to face myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is ok to oversleep.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not alone.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that sleeping will not solve anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be entertained by dreams instead of doing something practical instead of sleeping.

Day 162: The Waiting Game

Banjo the busking dog

I am waiting for unemployment benefits. When you don't have money it is all about waiting because social services are slow.

Read these for more insight

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want everything immediate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want things fast.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that immediacy comes through money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money will not give me anything else but things faster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that money assists in materializing things faster.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that indeed without money things will move slower.

I commit myself to remain calm and relaxed within living the word patience.

I commit myself to remind myself that money is only a tool.

Day 161: Embracing Here

Embrace what you have so you can change it. Even now that I don't have I still have Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having a home.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suffer from hunger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to do what I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my health.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having money.

I commit myself to support myself.

I commit myself to let go of fear.

Day 160: Streets of no Life

No job, no future. It is sad how when you don't have a job no one cares, well, some might help here and there but you don't have the ultimate solution as money and sometimes no home. It has happened to me, no job, no money, had to be rescued by a friend. It makes me cry. This sucks. We have a system that you only wake up when you have empty pockets and no home. Then you wake the dduck up. Suddenly everyone else with money denies you.

I don't have a job because of covid. I don't have a proper home because I had to leave my rented room. I  am not complaining I have four walls and a bed, but that's it. No water, no electricity. Yesterday the government that because of the delay put me in this situation, finally sent some money. Everything lits up. Make no mistake, money is possibility, no money no possibilities.

Lets make a system thats worth living where if you don't have a job you are supported.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am inferior for not having money

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value myself for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being on the streets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I end up on the streets I will be mad and something will change but it is not how it goes, when one is on the street is already too late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dear being attacked on the streets.

Day 159: Danger! Ego in Desguise

How come during this quarantine/coronavirus timeframe I have not written one blog a day when I have had all the necessary requirements - time,internet- to do so plentifully?

Let me retell this story I found on YouTube shared by Chad Williams here: This story is about a warrior that was magnificent yet underneath, under his armor he knew was royally fucked because he had a terrible disease, in this case it was leprosy, his skin falling in chunks. So the magnificent warrior went with his entourage to visit a very wise man that lived far away, carrying with him a lot of gold and silver to gift the wise man if only he could cure his terrible disease. When the warrior arrived at the door of the wise mans' home, he knocked on it and exposed his situation to the wise mans' servant; in turn the servant went inside the home and returned with instructions for the warrior from the wise man: He should bathe in the nearby river 7 times and that would cure him, and that there was no need for his gold and silver. The warrior turned around in fury, the wise man had not had the decency to even face him eventhough he was a magnificent warrior and that he had travelled very far, and even more, he had to do something so insignificant as to bathe seven times in a dirty river when back at home he had plenty of fresh water, he argued out loud. The people that had travelled with him tried to calm him down arguing that indeed this came from a very wise man and that there should be a reason why he had said so. Finally the sick warrior removed his body armor and bathed in the river, and on the seventh time he came out with skin as new and smooth as baby skin.

Ok, have a look: The warrior 'removed his armor' to bathe in the river. The armor is the ego. He thought only something sophisticated would be able to cure him, yet he had to humble himself and take the simple treatment.

So what was preventing me from writing ever day? Ego. At some level I was like the warrior of the story, thinking 'too high' of myself for something so simple as 'a blog a day for 7 years' to cure me from my dissonance with Life - leprosy in that story. Take the simple treatment, before it's too late!

Osho says, how to know if something I am doing is good or bad? If it feeds the ego, stop it, drop it immediately, he says.

Let's thus say, if something - like writing a blog a day- challenges the ego, keep doing it then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the ego to determine what I do and don't do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am my ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that excuses really are ego in desguise.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the reason why I would not support myself is always ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that where there is a will there is a way, and where ego is there is no way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the power of self will.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself into believing my own excuses and shortcomings as real and acceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up so easily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the solution as the 7 years to freedom as 'so simple' for my big ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that whenever I don't support myself, I support my ego instead.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that whenever I accept the solution and walk the journey, I find that I enjoy it.

Day 158: Excuses as a blame game

My saviour bluetooth device

Sometimes, if  not always, excuses are partly true. For example, it is true that I do not currently have a laptop,  and it is also true that it is difficult to write a full blog with a cellphone. But, instead of looking for  solutions around the problem, I simply postponed facing it. Today I finally decided to write and found a solution pretty easely, I bought a wireless keyboard some time ago, and it works ok and I am now able to write super fast without a laptop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not face my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept  excuses as truth.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to look for solutions instead of accepting excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that excuses are excuses and thus not valid.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I accept excuses as valid, I will not be able to achieve anything meaningful in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that selfleaders do not put excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not ok to validate or live excuses.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to disregard any and all excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow excuses to diminish my effectivity in life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that as long as I use excuses, I will not be able to live my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that either I do something or I do not, but there are no excuses that are valid, I am one hundred percent responsible for my decision.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that excuses are a responibility shifter, blame game where I shift my responsibility to or towards something external, instead of taking full responsibility for my actions.

I commit myself to live my life excuse free.

I commit myself to whenever I see I give an excuse to myself or others, immediately look into where it is that I am shifting my responsibility so that I can take ownership and instead do the thing that I am trying to avoid with excuses.

No excuses

Day 157: Restart

After a few weeks without my laptop after someone broke into our apartment and took it, here I am again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I cannot tap into my fullest potential.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that tapping into my fullest potential is a process and it requires that I put effort daily.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can indeed change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I create my reality every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my reality to change yet do nothing for it to happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself believe I am my own limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see how much I can change my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself as to why my reality does not change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to be my own cheerleader to motivate me into change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that every day is a new opportunity for self change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is opportunity in every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not how many times I fall but how many times I get up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am the creator of my life.