Day 27: I Am Not That

Yesterday I attended a support group for bipolars and at the building that it is held there was a new concierge, an attractive female. When I arrived I said I was going upstairs instead of saying I was gowing to the support group, then she asked me again because she knew the meeting was being held and there had been a change in the room it was held so then I said I am going to the support group.
I had resistance to say I was going to the support group, not wanting her to know I am bipolar right away, so I have this fear of females knowing I am bipolar and rejecting me for that.

So I have realized I am not defined by being bipolar, bipolar is something that I live with/that I have but it does not define who I am, therefore it has no effect in getting a partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear females rejecting me when knowing I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see bipolar as a bad thing to have a relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected if a female knows I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide the fact that I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to own to the fact that I am bipolar towards females.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than other males because I am bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to not be bipolar so that I am 'worthy of a female'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less worthy of a female for being bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed mysel to see that I will be loved for who I am and not for what issues i might have such as bipolar.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that 'getting a female' is like a competiotion where if you have an issue you have less points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe getting a partner is a competition instead of seeing that two people agreeing to be together is not a competition but an agreement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as bipolar, and within that be less than those that do not have bipolar.

I commit myself to remind myself that bipolar is not who I am, but something I live with, something I have but that does not define who I am.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not less than those that don't have bipolar, as being bipolar is not who I am.

Whenever I see I resist females knowing I am bipolar, I stop and I breathe. I realize that being bipolar is not who I am and therefore it does not count as being less towards having an agreement with a female.

I commit myself to disregard being bipolar when approaching females as I see realize and understand it has no effect in who I am.