Day 29: The Loss of my Dog

I had a dog, I liked him very much. He was a German Shepperd. One day I must have been around 8 or 9 I was at the park playing and one older grown up female was bothering me, not letting me play by the slide how I wanted, so I went home and got the dog, went to the park again and set the dog on her, I wanted to scare her because she was stronger than me but not stronger than my dog, but the dog bit her a little.

One day my dog had to be put down because he bit a young man more seriously, he was at home and this man came with a motorbike, and he jumped the man. That day I was very angry with the world, and wanted to send all to shit, like I did not care anymore - I was a little boy, but that created an impact in me.

So I was very angry with the world but in fact I was hiding that I was angry with me because I had taught the dog that it was ok to bit people when I brought him to the park to 'defend me' from the bully grown up female. Maybe it was not all that played in the equation of him bitting seriously a young man but it musth have played a big part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry with the world because Flip had to be put down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world for my dog having to be put down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to act in spitfulness since my dog had ben taken from me - then I did not care about anything else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the world is to blame for the death of my dog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a lack of education of my dog was what killed him.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is not the world's fault that my dog was uneducated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the anger of having lost my dog, instead of letting it go.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can 'hold it against the wolrd' having lost my dog, when it is in fact not so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in fact I was angry with me for having educated my dog that it is ok to bite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the world to not have to face the reality that I had taught my dog to bite and that it caused its death more likely.

Whenever I see I want to blame the world for the death of my dog, hold it against the world, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I played a big part in my dog biting people and that I should not blame the world for having educated my dog in the wrong way.