Day 36: Wanting to Disconnect From Reality

The other day at work a  waiter had a panic attack at the end of the service.Yesterday I bought some pills to have in case I cannot sleep that also work as anti anxiety. I wanted to test them out and took one, the correct dose, at work. After work I took some more to see if there were other effects. The prospect said you could take up to a certain number, I took less but nonetheless the next morning I was a bit groggy. I see I have this character that I can withstand alot. I see in taking some pills and wanting to get an effect from them I wanted to 'disconnect' from reality and go to sleep - which was time to sleep when I took them - This is wanting to get away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take more pills than advised in order to get an effect out of them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the character that 'I can withstand a lot' and take the sleeping pills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put my body under stress by taking sleeping pills in more dose than advised.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide and run away from reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to get a recreative effect from sleeping pills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted  and allowed myself to want to avoid taking responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to inevitably take responsibility for myself, and no amount of pills will avoid that.

I commit myself to face myself and take responsibility for myself.

I commit myself to not take sleeping pills to try to get recreational effects from them.

I commit myself to honor my body and not take more than the advised amount of any pills.

Day 35: The Point Of Change

Recently I had someone share with me his turning point in his life to stop a life of partying and drugs, something happened that made him reconsider what he was doing with his life and change.

Do we really need something happening for us to reconsider what we are doing with life - well I can reconsider what I am doing with my life at any moment. So this is an important point, to  not wait for something extraordinary to happen before we decide to change our accepted and allowed limitations and everywhere in our life where we are not responsible for ourselves.

Yesterday I was working at the restaurant and I was feeling like I was taking advantage of something, I questioned myself, why was I feeling like I was taking advantage of something? It was because I was working at a slower pace than I could, so I was putting pressure on my peers that had to do more work because of me being slower than I could go. So I decided to go all out and work as fast and efficient as possible and this feeling of me taking advantage of something went away and also at the end of the service I was congratulated by a peer for how good I had worked that night, not once but more than one time he said it to me.

So everything is about recognizing what is happening and changing, and we don't need something extraordinary happening to recognize what is here and then decide to change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to work at a slower pace than I can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by working at a slower pace than I can.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work at the highest rate that I can.

I commit myself to work at the highest rate that I can.

I commit myself to perform at work at the highest rate that I can.

Day 34: Patience

When writing a new blog I want to have the topic at the moment and I even want to be finished before I start! This is not how it goes and I have to have patience with myself with finding a topic and with writing the blog.

It is the same with R that is always asking where I go, what I do, how I am, I have to have more patience with her as I react to her when she asks.

And it is the same with studying, have patience with giving me the time to develop a skill.

It seems that having patience is giving time to things in order for them to happen smoothly.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience when writing a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to write a blog.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience when finding a topic to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to find a topic to write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to R asking me how I am or what I do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience with R when interacting with her.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me time to interact with R so that she is assured that I am ok.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience to develop the skills necessary when studying.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give me the time to develop the skills necessary to succeed at my studies.

I commit myself to have patience, to give me time to myself when writing a blog.

I commit myself to have patience with R, to give me time to interact with her.

I commit myself to have patience with myself when studying, to give me time to study.

Day 33: BeLIEfs and Money

'I don't have anything to write about' That's what I wrote in my last draft of a post for this blog, so I believed I had nothing to write about, and for 15 days I have not written. It is not that I did not have something to write about, for 32 days continually since the begginning of this blog I had something to write about so it is dangerous to trust the mind with statements such as 'I don't have anything to write about', I can always write about my resistance to write.

It is interesting how it has coincided that I have had more money because I recieved the first pay of my job and now that I have almost spend it all I go back to writing. It is like I have lived a bubble of 15 days and indeed I have spent it for example on a gym subscription, education, clothes, nothing fancy but it is interesitng to see the correlation of going from having very few money to have substantially more money and how I have drifted away from my goals and what is important to me so in the future when I get money again I will make sure that I stick to what I commited myself to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have nothing to write about.

I forgive myself to believe that I don't have anything more to offer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust the mind in the statement ' I don't have anything to write about'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a bubble of money where I don't care for my commitments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be more preoccupied with what to spend the money on than to keep my commitments going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let money change what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let me fall for the comfort of money and not keep my responsibilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the belief that I have nothing to write in self interest to not have to write.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to mantain my priorities even when I have more money.

I commit myself to maintain my priorities even when I have more money.

I commit myself to remind myself to push to keep my priorities going even when I have more money.

I commit myself to remind myself that beLIEfs are LIEs and that I don't have to trust them.