Day 107: Power Misused - My Dog Story

Excuses and more excuses not to write finally have come to an end, I will regularly post here for there are no excuses to not support self with the proven tools that there are available such as blogging.

Today I want to talk about power, feeling powerful. Lately I have been wanting to get a dog and I thought about it in terms of power, wanting to have power on the other side of the leash, not seeing, realizing and understanding that I myself can be the power, no need to externalize it for example in getting a dangerous so called dangerous type of breed dog.

It does not mean that I cannot get a big dog, but to get it only to feel powerful prowling the streets is quite a joke, I mean that's not what getting a dog is for. Yes a big dog can help protect yourself or your home in case of need but no need to look for a specific feeling when getting a dog.

I remember when I was rather little about six or so we had a German Shepherd at home and I was at the playground playing and some older girls wouldn't stop bothering me, so I went home and took the dog and went to the park again, looked for the girl that was bothering me, that was older than me, and set the dog/unleashed the dog on her with the attack command that eventhough he was not trained he understood - at that moment while I was taking de dog to the park I was feeling powerful, not so much when I was setting the dog on her that I might have felt  like things were getting out of hand as the dog did bit the girl/teen and later I had trouble at home for that, but that is my story with dogs and power.

Later on the dog went on by itself to bite a young man and that was the end of the dog - meaning my parents had to put him down, and that was a big shock for me because I couldnt say my farewells, it was so sudden. So for wanting to have an ego trip I teached the dog the wrong things like it is okay to bite humans. 

So I have been looking to get another German Shepherd but I have to be careful not to externalize 'power' ouside of myself into the dog and be really careful if I get this dog because this breed is known for biting as I have seen from experience, yes, German Shepherds do not shy away from biting - if the 'right' or let's say 'wrong' mindset is on the owner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set my German Shepherd dog to some teenage girl only because 'she was bothering me' and I was smaller than her thus apparently powerless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teach my dog to attack humans in my ignorance as a kid.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand the extent of the consequence of setting my dog to attack other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to misuse the potential of my dog by setting it onto another human being.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the disproportion between being bothered by someone else and being attacked by a dog - where I did not put myself in the shoes of the bully that was bothering me and instead simply went on with the 'solution' of setting the dog on her - eventhough it was hugely disporportionate and harmful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to care for me and protect me instead of protecting myself.

Whenever I see I want someone or something external to protect me, I stop and I breathe. I realize I have and can protect myself by myself or 'tell the authorities' such as parents or police when in need and that I don't need to take the steps of setting a dog on anyone because I feel attacked as a kid for example. And thus I commit myself to not take the law by my own hand whenver I feel attacked.

Whenever I see that I want a dog in order to feel powerful, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need something external to live the word powerful as I am all that exists. Thus I commit myself to investigate ways where I can live the word powerful.