Day 113: What Do I Really Want

What do I really want. Not what others want me to do. Not what society wants me to do - but what do I really want.

I like the whole family thing, it is great. For this one of the ways to get it is some formation. See, I have gone through many formative years yet I lack university yet.

Today I have gone to university, to have lunch with my mother there as she studies next to it. I have already started university many times so I know the teachers there. I saw two of my teachers and immediately inside of myself I went into blame - because I have not yet passed his subject - blame as if it is too difficult.

But who am I blaming really? I am blaming myself for not putting in the work in the past to do the subject properly - and to not get help if needed.

So if I want the whole family thing and I see studying at university is a way for me to make a living for myself, to make something of myself - then I choose to do it. There might be other ways, maybe university is not needed to have a family life but I would like to have a career as well as that, and a career that I like.

See, I have yet the chance to do it. I live with my brother who is studying engineering as well, he can help me out. I have available a great out-of-uni teacher who is able to help me out as well with maths.

I have seen that I was blaming my teachers for not having the life that I want but it is really me who has not created yet the life that I want.

And see I am 28, let's look at how many years one can work, up to about when you are 70, and you start working when?  When you are about 20 -- so I am in year 8 of my productive career - I have yet another 48 years to go.

If I decide to study now I might end studying when I am 32 - or decide to study two extra years and end when I would be 34 - does it matter? No. Different people do different things at different times.

I was watching the videoclip of the song Melody by James Blunt, it shows the life of a young lad that goes to highschool - it made me want it to be my son that I give the opportunity to study somewhere cool - that he gets to have a good life if not better than the one I had.

So in life it is about taking opportunities. I have a great opportunity to go to university next year and I will make the most of it.

Thank you