Day 9: Mania

Mania is a state of abnormally elevated arousal, affect, and energy level, or "a state of heightened overall activation with enhanced affective expression together with lability of affect."^[1] Although mania is often conceived as a "mirror image" to depression, the heightened mood can be either euphoric or irritable; indeed, as the mania intensifies, irritability can be more pronounced and result in violence.

The nosology of the various stages of a manic episode has changed over the decades. The word derives from the Greek μανία (mania), "madness, frenzy"^[2] and the verb μαίνομαι (mainomai), "to be mad, to rage, to be furious".^[3]

The symptoms of mania are the following: heightened mood (either euphoric or irritable); flight of ideas and pressure of speech; and increased energy, decreased need for sleep, and hyperactivity. They are most plainly evident in fully developed hypomanic states; in full-blown mania, however, they undergo progressively severe exacerbations and become more and more obscured by other signs and symptoms, such as delusions and fragmentation of behavior. (...) Mania, however, may be divided into three stages: hypomania, or stage I; acute mania, or stage II; and delirious mania, or stage III. This "staging" of a manic episode is, in particular, very useful from a descriptive and differential diagnostic point of view. (...) 

Because mania and hypomania have also long been associated with creativity and artistic talent,^[8] it is not always the case that the clearly manic bipolar person needs or wants medical help; such persons often either retain sufficient self-control to function normally or are unaware that they have "gone manic" severely enough to be committed or to commit themselves. Manic persons often can be mistaken for being on drugs. - Wikipedia 

Note: Being manic or in a manic episode is not being a maniac as in violent killer as it is portrayed in movies - lol. It is similar to being on drugs for a long time, some may become violent/irritable, some may play all day, some may rant and rave and believe things that are not real. What would you do? Who would you be?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be famous during hypomania and mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was a living fictional character while on mania.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe I had interdimensional abilities during mania - without crossreferencing if that was so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had superior powers to change the world by myself during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be embarrassed of my mania experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everyone was after me during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply limits when talking to others/talk too much while on manic and hypomanic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and make things up that are not real during mania - without crossreferencing if they were real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump to conclusions of what was real or not - just because I believe something, and it 'feels right' it does not mean it is real -.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was the center of the world during mania.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fictional self and world and abilities  during my manic episode - without crossreferencing any of it - and share it with others before making sure it is real, so it was not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I had extraordinary powers during manic episode, without crossreferencing if it was real.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed msyelf to see that even if others agree and go along with my delusion, it does not mean that it is real. They might be only playing or deluded themselves too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others might judge me for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that a manic episode is simply believing things that are not real, and it is not something to be ashamed of as 'ordinary people'  do this every day when we believe in fear for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fears others believing I am crazy for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a mind-reality and try to impose it on the outside while on manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others will believe I am unstable for having had a manic episode.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see that being manic is no different than being on drugs so I should try to 'behave' if I ever am on a manic episode again as it is no excuse to say things that are not real because on a deep level there is self awareness and I know something does not add up in my delusions - only that I ignored it in the past and just 'went with the flow'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself go with 'what felt good' during manic episode, which was a mess of preaching things that are not real, instead of remaining centered and check before I speak if what I am going to say is real, and if what I think is real or not.

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to ignore the inner awareness that something did not add up during my manic episode, delusions did not add up/make sense but instead of questioning them I went along with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I did not know better and that I don't have to judge myself for having 'gone along' with my manic episode, only to be more aware if there is a next time - and to always be aware no matter what the circumstances.

I forgive myself for 'making an ass out of myself' during my manic episode through making up a story and believing it is real just because it felt good and suited my desires and fed my ego.

Whenever I see that I want to be famous, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I don't need recognition from others, or more sex from being famous, so I let go of this.

I commit myself to let go of my desire to be famous, recognized and desire to have more sex.

Whenever I see that I believe things about me which are extraordinary, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to crossreference everything, double check, and make sure, that I have or am something which is not ordinary - before I can talk about it  - because it might be a delusion.

I commit myself to stick to the ordinary living breathing being and not believe I am any delusion - but crossreference any perceptions about who I am to make sure it is not a delusion. I commit myself to stick to breathing and remain grounded no matter what.

Whenever I fear others will judge me for having had a manic episode, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is irrelevant if others judge me and that I can explan to them if they ask simply what is a manic episode - 'free drugs' from the brain for days - and to ask them what would they do if they 'had free drugs from their brain' and who would they be - as it is not an easy challenge.

I commit myself to stop preoccupying how others will react to knowing I had a manic episode and instead work with what comes up and explain things if required.

Day 5: Medication

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others for having to take medication.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it is fine to have a problem and I should not be ashamed of taking medication for my problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive and judge medication as 'bad'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist taking medication in fear that it is harmful to my mind and body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will live less years of life due to taking medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear developing a side-effect illness due to taking medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear others judging me for taking medication.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to see that medication is simply a practical point to assist myself and I don't have to judge it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my medication not working if it is generic or if it is damaged.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having my medication and having an imbalance because of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate medication with poison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge as a 'bummer' to have to take pills during the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to have side effects from my medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate medication because of being sedated by them in he past.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that medication is a point of assistance to take when needed and that is it.

Whenever I see that I am resisting taking my medication, I stop and I breathe. I realise that medication is a point of assistance and that I have to take them when I need them, otherwise I go into an imbalance and I don't want that.

I commit myself to take my medication when needed/prescribed because I need it.

Whenever I see that I perceive as a bummer to take the medication, I stop and I breathe. I realise that during the day I have to eat three times (or more) and that taking a pill is like eating, it is eating in fact, and that I have no problem with that.

Whenever I see that I fear my medication not working due to it being generic or being damaged I stop and I breathe. I realise that generics should be as good as brand medication and that I can check the expiring date to see if the medication is 'fresh', also if I start to have an imbalance I don't lose control of myself so I can simply go to my doctor and adjust/change the medication if I have an imbalance while taking the medication.

Whenever I see that I fear others judging me about taking medication, I stop and I breathe. I realise that there is a point where I am judging myself for taking medication, that it is not about others.

I commit myself to investigate myself whenever I fear others judging me as it indicates I am somewhere judging myself.

Whenever I see I fear developing and illness from taking medication, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I am having checks to see that all is well and that I am not taking an exorbitant amount of medication so it is of no use to fear side effects from my medication. And even if I was taking a lot of medication, it is of no use to have fear, I simply deal with what is here and try to reduce the harm the best I can.

Whenever I see I fear medication affecting my mind, I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is harmful for me to NOT take the medication thus it is practical for me to take it as it allows my mind to function properly.

Whenever I see I judge the medication as bad, I stop and I breathe. I realise that it is neither good or bad but simply a point of practical support.

Day 4: Psychotic break - Part 3

This is a continuation of  Day 2 and Day 3, it is suggested to start at the beginning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that once I know what is a psychotic break, I can identify and stop it, with the help of others as needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was alone during my psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to explain my problems to others during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going mad.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the utmost importance of  developing intimacy 'into me I see' in order to pinpoint any dysfunction of the mind such as a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I would remain  in a psychotic break forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think harmful thoughts towards others during my psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life was done while on a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe people where going after me during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in immense fear during psychotic break.

Whenever I see I am going towards a psychotic break, I stop and I breathe. I realise that I need medication and therapy and move steadfast to get it as soon as possible.

I commit myself to get all the necessary help – doctor, therapist, etc -whenever I see I am going towards a psychotic break.

Whenever I see I am going into a psychotic break, I stop and I breathe. I realize that a psychotic break is an illusion, not real - but that it is an imbalance that needs to be sorted out as soon as possible with all the help needed.

Whenever I see I am having harmful thoughts towards others, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is unacceptable and I stop them and self-forgive, and if there are any other signs such as persecutory delusions that I am going into a psychotic break, then I get all the help needed to sort it out.

Whenever I think I am going mad, I stop and I breathe. I realize that psychotic breaks are temporal and that they will go the same way they appeared.

I commit myself to remind myself that psychotic breaks are temporal.

Day 3: Psychotic break - Part 2

Continuation of Day 2: Psychotic break

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for dooming the world during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was being persecuted during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe others were enemies/against me during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider self-harm during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to harm myself during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my own delusions during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take decisions based on delusions although they are NOT real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to draw wrong conclusions from my own delusions during psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I was trapped during psychotic break.

Whenever I see that I am blaming myself for the state of the world I stop and I breathe, I realize we are all in this together and that we have shared responsibility.

Whenever I feel that I am being persecuted I stop and I breathe. I then talk to people I trust about it to cross-reference because most likely it is not real as there are no reasons why I would be persecuted.

Whenever I perceive others as enemies, I stop and I breathe, I remind myself that there is no such thing as ‘enemies’ and I talk to someone I trust to cross-reference and stop my delusion.

Whenever I see I am considering self-harm, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am not sane because of that, thus I stop and seek help such as a doctor.

I commit myself to seek help whenever I find myself considering self-harm.

I commit myself to remind myself there are not such things as enemies.

I commit myself to talk openly with people I trust about persecutory delusions so that I can cross reference and stop them.

I commit myself to talk to people I trust whenever I feel I carry the weight of the world.

Day 2: Psychotic break

"A psychotic break occurs when a person experiences an episode of acute primary psychosis, generally for the first time, though it may also be after a significant symptom-free period.

Symptoms of psychotic breaks vary greatly...() Where a bipolar disorder is involved, crying, grandiosity, insomnia, irritability, and persecutory delusions may all or severally manifest themselves as symptoms." Wikipedia

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having persecutory delusions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ridiculed if I have a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to control myself if I have a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself that at all times I have a part of me that is aware and that I can stop any harmful behaviour that I may tend to have when on a psychotic break.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow help when on a psychotic break, thus not doing all that is possible for me to get out of it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to get help when under a psychotic break in fear of what they may say about my thoughts and ideas I was having.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the persecutory delusions were real instead of seeing that it was only that, an illusion, that has to be treated with medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my own delusions instead of reaching out and getting help 'from the outside'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to check what it is happening inside of myself with the outside world/people that I trust so that I make sure I am not in a delusion/illusion that is not real.

Whenever I see that there are things happening that are not quite right inside of myself, I share it with people I trust so I don't fall into delusions/illusions and I can get help in time so I do not go into a psychotic break.

I commit myself to get help whenever something is not quite right inside of myself or I have delusions of any kind so that I can stop them in time and prevent/not go into psychotic break.

Whenever I see that I am going towards a psychotic break, I stop and I breathe, I then talk to people that can help me including my doctor so that I don't go into a full on psychotic break.

I commit myself to speak up whenever I am going towards a psychotic break, so that instead of it growing stronger, I grow stronger and overcome the possible psychotic break.

Whenever I see that I am fearing what will others say about my delusions, I stop and I breathe. I realize that delusions are not real and it is not something to be ashamed of.

I commit myself to share myself and my delusions whenever they appear so I can solve them, see that they are not real and stop them.