Thursday, February 15, 2018

Day 55: My Life Experience With Lending Money


It has happened to most I guess, when a friend asks for money it is an uncomfortable moment. Today I was asked again and my first reaction was 'no, not again, not you' and I said simply I didn't have the  money as I don't. But even if I had I have to be very disciplined and know when to say no, and say it. 

Because when someone owes you money is not cool, the dynamics that unfold are complex, like what happens if  the money is not returned - I think there is no 'lending' money but more 'giving' because what you know is that you are giving the money but you don't know that it is going to be returned for sure. So one would have to 'lend the money' without expecting it to come back, if one can't do that I would not lend the money to anyone. If you can't afford to lose the  money, you can't afford to lend it, as it is never sure it will be returned, and then you lose the friend along with the money.

Also you can't trust people with money, because they change, they can be very nice and all but when it comes to money one can't really know. And it has happened to me the hard way with giving even family members money! It happened to me because I didn't know the mental state of this family member, life savings were lost on my side. And I am talking about a brother here! And this has had repercussions to this day, not being able to pay my way through DIP Pro and  living paycheck to paycheck.

 And friends that claim they have not been given money, and because a paper was not signed, I can't claim the money back - and they continue to be 'friends' as they 'don't remember' ever receiving money. Of course not to be trusted ever more. 

So the end result of  me giving money, even to family members has resulted in me having zero savings, which is sad to say the least, allowing myself to be betrayed by my own brother because he was mentally disturbed and I did not know.

People have various and many mental problems and they ask for money but you can never know their intentions for sure. How could you? You can't, and you can learn this 'today or the hard way'.

So money is a hard subject, don't take  it lightly when someone asks you for money because you can be taken in for a ride if you are not careful and have learn to say No,  or can afford to lose what you lend.

Also it is important what the money is for, in today's case it was to pay for a summer festival and my friend said would be returned in less than two months, well I can't afford to help you out and you will survive without me lending you the money.

When the money is for problems and so on, also you have to assess if you can self-honestly help out or not. It is important to not feel guilty if you can't help out someone, in  my life I will come across people that need help but won't be able to help them. Self comes first and if I can't afford to help someone then I won't, if I can then I will - but as a rule of thumb I don't lend money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not being able to help people that really needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see, realize and understand that self comes first, and I can't and will not be able to help everyone in my life that needs economic help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help everyone that needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed by being fooled into giving my life savings to a family member.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than because I  have no savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior because I don't have savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself first whenever someone asks me for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to trust people with money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepeted and allowed myself to see that if I can't afford to lose the  money then I can't afford to lend it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust a family member with money without making sure of their state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to give money away, so I don't even have to consider lending money as I am not able to.

I commit myself to remind myself that I come first and that I can't afford to lose money thus I can't afford to lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can't lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I doon't lend money.


2 comments:

  1. I had a similar experience. No more "Mr Nice guy"

    ReplyDelete
  2. Exactly. Thanks for stopping by.

    ReplyDelete