Day 67: Active Listening at 7 Cups of Tea

We are our own solution, I am my own solution. At times, we have a problem but it is generally true that we have the solution to our problem. I have tried out being an 'active listener', volunteering at 7cups.com for a few days some months ago, and more recently today.

7cups is a website where if you have a problem and need to talk to someone, you can go and have a text chat with an active listener for free; genereally we can't give advice but assist you in realizing your own solution. Active listeners need to pass a short formation to become one.

What I have found in my time there is that people know the answer to their problems but don't trust themselves that they do, and wait for someone external to validate them, wait for someone else to tell them the solution to their problem.

What is cool about 7cups is that I have seen how people can find out their own solution to their problems but what is missing from 7cups is something that supports the individual to walk the solution, an All-Encompassing definitive solution to help everyone's problems, which I can say it is the Desteni I Process Lite which is a free online course that gives you essential Life Skills to deal with your problems, and the more advanced DIP Pro, as they have helped me in many areas of my life, from overcoming addictions to solve work-related issues. So it is not enough in people realizing the solution to their problem but to empower them to walk the solution, once they know it/once they become aware of it.

The reason why I am stopping my participation in 7cups.com is the following: I cannot promote or give the ultimate solution to users of the website, DIP Lite and DIP Pro.

By only active listening to them I am not giving them the very solution that would enable them and empower them to walk the solution to their problems.

So I hope users of 7cups one day find this blog or hear about the DIP Lite and DIP Pro as it is invaluable what it can do for one's life.

Thank you to 7cups for these realizations and I am sure a lot of individuals have been helped by your mission, it is only that I cannot give half-solutions thus why I am stopping being an active listener.

Day 66: How I Overcame Stage Fright Before Work

Whenever I went to work, there was this scenic fear/stage fright, like the calm before the storm, because I don't know how the service is going to go, if I will have many costumers at the same time for example, if they will be very demanding of me or not. Something similar happens when I am about to write a blog, at times I know what I am going to write about but other times like today, I did not know what to write about so I decided to write about this fear that emerges before going to work or before blogging, this stage fright.

Every song 'starts with a silence', then an intro and then the vocals/song. In making this correlation I stopped fearing the 'silence before the storm' - it is natural this silence the moments before starting my work as a waiter and it doesn't mean there is an impending doom. Because I know that I have practiced the song so to speak, that I am well versed in my job, I know what I have to do and how to do it effectively, in other words I trust myself. So now instead of being frightened of the silence before going to work, I enjoy it as I know 'the song is coming', the action is coming. This correlation was pivotal in stopping the fear, but what helped prepare myself to stop it was doing self-forgiveness on this fear of work and lack of self-trust, which I learned at the DIP Lite free course.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the moments before going to work, in fear that it will be difficult or that I will be incapable of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in 'stage fright' before going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is normal the 'calm before starting to work' as it is with a song that start with silence, then an intro and then the song.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself before going to work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going to work as I don't know how the day will turn out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself and my capabilities related to work.

I commit myself to trust myself and my capabilities in my job.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have gone through a lot in my job so I am ready to face whatever it is that comes my way at the job.

Day 65: How Can I Cheer You Up?

Lately I have not allowed myself to let anything interfere with my daily blogging.

Lately I have been noticing how it is easier for me to express myself thorugh writting, and I want to express myelf more - So I have written daily blogs and more on Steemit. 

I have been seeing that I can accomplish things, trust myself more. I passed the driving test with 0 mistakes. At my job I am more trusting of myself and what I am capable to do as a waiter.

When I write about a problem and forgive myself, it  helps me out in my daily living, I correct myself - I just listed some of the immediate benefits I have seen on daily blogging and self forgiveness. I am sure there are more to come, but for me it has been very important because before I was not trusting on myself on my job for example and now I am more relaxed and at ease because I know what I am capable of doing.

I don't know dear reader what points you are struggling with, but it would help to write them out and forgive yourself as I have been doing lately.

Before, I knew about self forgiveness, but the course that helped me understand it better and start to know how my mind works to be able to help myself is the Desteni I Process Lite. It is a free online course that helps you help yourself, through giving you essential Life skills.

Whenever I stumble upon a Steemian that needs help or anyone in general, I wish they could hear me and walk the DIP Lite. It is not the easiest path looking it from the outside, but it is the fastest easiest way to deal with any problem you may face in your life, anything at all. I can attest to that and the only way you can see if this is true or not is by testing it out.

With walking the DIP Lite I get the tools and the know-how necessary to take responsibility for myself and my life.

So I can't really cheer you up, but I can show you how I have been able to cheer myself up, and it is through having walked DIP Lite and daily blogging, along with applying what I write about in my daily living. And it is a Journey that I am sharing with you, that I commit myself to walk at least 7 years of daily blogging  - so it is not finished, but now I found a purpose, of bettering myself and my life, and if I can assist others in the process, I am very glad.

Cheers

Day 64: Self-Doubt vs Self-Trust

Sometimes I don't have the time to blog, and that's cool, but some other times I have a little bit of time and try to make it work. It is what is happening today where I have a little time. What can I tell you in a little time? What can I tell me? Will it be less valuable because it is told in a little time? Or more valuable because I try to sum it up? Life is not always what we expect. Today was a good day, I managed to wait six tables that came more or less around the same time. I say life it is not what you expect because you can't always expect to have a lot of time to do things, sometimes you have to make it fit. As I was saying today was a good day, I am more grounded at work and more certain of my capacity as a waiter. So today the theme is about Self-Doubt, about why have I doubted myself in my life in general and in my work - how have I doubted myself when seeing that when I apply myself in something, be it waitressing or studying for example for the driving test - I get good results.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself instead of applying myself to be the best I can be in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust that I can do things well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself eventhough I can see I have the capacity for doing things well/I am capable of doing things well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow the experience of having failed in the past to 'set in' and make me doubt myself in everything I do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the equation of doing and obtaining where if I put effort I obtain results, and this is generally true.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being a good waiter, fear not passing an exam instead of trusting my training, of trusting myself.

I commit myself to remind myself to trust myself in what I do.

Day 63: End Your Problems

Today I did an improvised candle with a lighter and a rubber band. You know, putting the rubber band around the lighter button, the rubber band kept the lighter button pressed- lol. All kinds of things we can invent, silly things like the one I 'invented' today or more advanced things. We can also invent a dysfunctional self or a functional self. By default we create ourselves in general as a working yet dysfunctional self in that we have addictions and patterns that prevent us from being the best version of ourselves. And you see, we don't have to judge ourselves because we didn't know better, but we have to correct ourselves once we are aware of the problems and know how to solve them.

Like Lao Tzu said: 'Stop thinking, and end your problems'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not apply myself to walk the solution to my problems/addictions.

I forgive myself that I've not accepted and allowed myself to remind myself to walk my problems/addictions into solutions applying the tools of self-honesty, self forgiveness and practical application.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the full opportunity to stop my problems/stop my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look into and let run rampant my problems and addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to that walking process means to stop my problems effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed to see that the challenges I face are my problems and my addictions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully challenge my problems and my addictions as the main tasks I face currently in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see problems and addictions as a cool challenge to challenge myself and test myself out on my resolve, directiveness and assertiveness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live fully the statement 'Stop thinking and end your problems'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cling onto my problems and limitations and addictions in fear of change, fear of the new.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by continuing participation in my limitations as problems and addictions, so I don't change - to not have to take responsibility for myself and the world as a whole.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are there to challenge my resolve, so I face them with joy and eagerness as I test myself and my resolve to stop them.

I commit myself to remind myself that problems and addictions are not something to dread or be afraid of, but to 'play' with by stopping them effectively to see how stronger we are than they are.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am in fact stronger than my problems and my addictions - and that I can't see it yet because I have not really faced them with all that I've got.

I commit myself to stop my limitations as problems and addictions, so that I allow myself to change to a better version of myself and take responsibility for myself and the world.

Day 62: Valuing Myself Despite Everything

If I look at myself and my life I have 'fallen' many times. But it is not the many times I have fallen but the many times that I have stood up. I have had to start over many times, but it is not the many times I have had to start over but the fact that I am still on path. It doesn't matter that my path has been at times in circles but that I have found a way to stop them. It is not a matter of how long it has taken me to really start walking seriously but the fact that I am pushing daily to walk steadfast.

It is not time to look back in regret for the time I have lost, or entertain the thought of what if, who would I be now had I walked differently - but to learn from my mistakes and walk knowing where are my pitfalls, what do I need to do to not repeat the same mistakes again.

To learn from the past to not repeat the same mistakes, and never look back  - but forgive and let go.

In the past I waited for something that would make me change, now I don't wait anymore as I have already a lot of stuff to deal with and waiting will simply add more stuff making it more difficult to stand up for myself - so always, the best time to start is here now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of who would I be had I walked differently in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that despite everything, I am still walking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that mistakes are there to learn from them and not repeat them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not value the fact that I have stood up for myself as many times as I have fallen.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my strenght in being here walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to use my strenght to reinforce myself daily to be stronger to walk effectively and push for change effectively.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and value myself as a force to be reckoned, for I have despite everything being able to be back, walking despite everything that has happened in my life.

I commit myself to let go of the past, and never look back, but instead walk daily effectively, pushing for self-change and self-improvement.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can be and become so much more if I apply my will to walk into changing myself effectively.

I commit myself to not wait for something to happen in order for me to change, but instead push for change daily no matter what.

I commit myself to start over the necessary times until I have it done, starting over every day if necessary, as every day is a new opportunity for change.

I commit myself to use every day as an opportunity for self-change and self improvement.

Day 61: When Someone Dies

Today I attended a funeral. It was the funeral of my science teacher's wife.She was 71 and had been ill for a while. The death of this woman made me think about my life, how I have to push more, not be so complacent with myself, it is a reminder of the short time we have here on Earth and that we don't know when we are going to go, when our time is up.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent with myself and not push myself effectively for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget about pushing myself for change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the time I have here on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that my time here on Earth is limited.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to do things right just because someone else is gone now and it might be my turn next, instead of doing it by principle of what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act in fear of dying instead of self-movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying instead of focusing on doing what is best for all at all times so if I die I would die knowing that I did my best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I am not going to die.

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that tomorrow I will still be alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that next breathe I will still be alive.

I commit myself to remind myself that I could die at any moment, so I have to live in a way that if I was to die the next breathe, I'd be satisfied with my life - so walk the principle of what is Best for All.

Day 60: Why I'd Probably Be Dead if I Lived in the USA

There is much fuss about gun control now because of the recent mass shootings in USA. I live in Spain. See, as a Bipolar there was a time I didn't know I was one. And I went in to a manic depression. And I wanted to kill myself. And lukily I didn't have a gun around the house to use, nor was I able to purchase one.

Researchers estimate that between 25% and 60% of individuals with bipolar disorder will attempt suicide at least once in their lives and between 4% and 19% will complete suicide.(1)

See, there has to be a protection for mental health patients, because you can't tell someone is bipolar and on a manic depression just by looking at them. I could have gone to a USA gun shop and no one would have known. Also, because in my manic depresion I had persecutory delusions that I was being chased by police, who knows if I would have turned the guns to them as well. It would have snowballed and people would have been killed, myself first.

There has to be a protection about people themselves, no one knows if they will become bipolar, if they have bipolar subjacent in them, waiting to be activated by something we don't yet know - as I don't know what activated my bipolar disorder, it somply came up where there was no prior mental health issues, and eventhough I was in hospital they didn't know it was bipolar disorder until later on that I had a 'high' manic episode where I was not depressed but vey active and with delusion as well, but more positive themed.

Overall, access to guns has to be more difficult, like there is in Spain, or even better, something like a full day course like they do in Japan, where yes, they would have detected something was off with me in my manic depression, as well as an interview with a psychologist, that would have helped. What surely wouldn't have helped is having guns at home for me, or being able to purchase guns like they do in USA.

Thanks for reading


Bibliography:

1. Goodwin FK, Jamison KR. Manic-Depressive Illness. New York: Oxford University Press; 1990. [Ref list]

Day 59: The Power of Dedication

Some hours ago I did the teoric driving exam which went great! I have been studying with a driving school that has a cool method, I followed it and eventhough I still don't know the score, I am certain that I have passed. This is what is cool about studying well, that then is inevitable for you to pass. 

So this is what I have to do in all areas of my life, prepare myself well so it is inevitable that I pass/get things done properly.

If I look back at what I did to do the exam so well today is because I put myself to study several days, concentrated with what I was doing and 'grinding' responding to tests. The exam was not very diffifcult in that I did not doubt much in any of the 30 questions of it.

So the word that comes up is Dedication, where if I dedicate myself to something I get results. 

In the past I have wanted results but not dedicated myself much to get them, resulting in failing at my objectives. Today, eventhough I still not know the score, as I pass, it will prove that with dedication I can achieve results.

Every time I failed at something I would always put the excuse of not having studied/dedicated myself much to it, which was true, but this is not a valid excuse as none are, instead I have to dedicate myself to something and then reap the results. A cool objective for me is to be a dedicated person, someone that dedicates themselves to everything they do.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live the word dedication in all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to achieve results without dedicating myself to stuff.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that results need commitment and dedication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept defeat/failure by not dedicating myself enough in what I do, for example my studies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself for failure by not dedicating myself  enough in what I do.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that I can be successful in my life.

I commit myself to remind myself to dedicate myself to what I do, honouring myself in the process and achieving results.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to what I do so that it is inevitable that I succeed/pass an exam for example.

Day 58: When I Believed I Was Dying

Today is Sunday, the day that many have off and that can dedicate to themselves, that they don't have to work and that usually this blog has more views, thus why I have been for more than 15 minutes wondering what great point I can write about. There is no one great point to write about, well maybe there is, the principle of doing what is Best for All. You see, I am Bipolar and there was one time where I was very depressed and became psychotic, which means  that I started imagining things that were not true. I imagined that that I did something horrible and that everyone and police was after me and that I would burn in a horrible hell forever. Once I was in that state I believed 100% that this was true so I reasoned wrongly that if I was going to end up in a horrible hell why the hell not go straight to it, and I attempted suicide.

When I believed I was dying I told my mother even in my perturbed state:  'the principle of what is Best for All still stands', and I said goodbye.

I am not revealing how I did it to not give ideas to other people but at that one point I was certain I was going to die - later on, when I was at the hospital and didn't die I was angry and then started a process through medication and realizations how I made up a lie in my head and what I believed of the persecutory ideas was not real, until now that I don't have anything of this at all and am 'a normal person' once again.

I am telling this because, when I thought I was going to die, there was a moment of clarity, of wanting to leave something in this world eventhough not effective - just saying that the principle of what is Best for All still stands doesn't help much - and what is more relevant by saying this on my believed death time I was in a way passing the torch to others, giving the responsibility to others of something I did not do fully in my life, which is doing what is Best for All absolutely.

This is to remember that at times we forget about the principle, about bettering ourselves, about bettering the world but remember that, on my 'deathbed' the first thing that came up, and this was not planned, never during my psychotic break I thought about the principle of what is Best for All or self forgiveness as I was too much in my posession/imaginary world/caught up in fear -- so the first thing that came up in my 'deathbed' was the principle of what is Best for All, and by then it was too late, I mean, I believed I was dying and there I was telling this to my poor mother who was not prepared for this at All - So when we die, when we are on our deathbed it is too late, and we can't pass our self-responsibility to someone else to walk, either we walk it or we don't, no one will walk our self responsibility of principled living.

Learn more about principled living here http://desteni.org/about-us/desteni-principles

Day 57: Like My Post Please

After I am done writing a blog, I share it to various Facebook groups and wait impatiently for likes to come - lol - I have to slow down on this because likes will come by themselves and with time, so I don't have to worry about it.

Impatience is the word, like I can't wait for the word to be spread, for change to be implemented, for views to go up. Well I have to start by changing myself effectively and this is a process, as it will be getting more views.

It has been less than a month that I have been writing daily blogs and I can't expect to have tons of views from the get-go, also it is not the amount of views but the insights that are shared if they are valuable for the reader or not, so every day I must take care to share supportive material for others to be able to support themselves with, realize something, change directions of their lives.

In today's case I was too worried about facebook likes, yesterday was a bit dry of likes on facebook but on my blog I had quite a bit of views, so it is not that they don't read you, sometimes they simply don't give a like

Id'say, give a like if you liked.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have likes on facebook on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied with how many facebook likes and views I have on my blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be impatient over views and likes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to grow up on likes and views instead of seeing realizing and understanding that this is a process like the process of change that has to be walked consistently over time and one can't force it more than being consistent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be 'rewarded' by likes instead of knowing that I am being rewarded if someone finds my blogs useful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having views and likes on my blog posts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being ignored.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that fear of being ignored stems form me not giving attention to me.

Whenever I see that I want to have more likes and views, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this will be a process and that I cannot expect to have tons of likes or views overnight but that it will in any case be gradual like the process of change and not instantaneous.

I commit myself to remind myself that the only thing that I can do to have more likes and views is be consistent and that the other part - views and likes - will come by themselves as I have no control over it - I can only work with what I do.

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to focus on creating content, not on controlling how many views or likes I get, as I am not in control of that.

I commit myself to remind myself to not live the word impatience, and change it to patience instead.

Day 56: Age of Empires II and Self-Sustainable Communities

How the game looks like

Age of Empires II is a strategy video game where you have a civilization and use your citizens to gather resources and build buildings and you can fight against other players of other civilizations of the map.

I have been playing with my brother and it is cool but after a while it gets tiring having to gather resources fast to build military buildings to build troops to crush the opponent - or get crushed-.

So yesterday I decided to try a new approach, I played by myself with the computer who was two players, allies instead of enemies  - so it was like I was playing with two humans allied - and I focused on developing my population, and instead of creating military buildings I created farms. My allies at times asked for resources and I helped them out, and I asked for resources from them at times, so we helped each other instead of fighting.

The game works on points too, if you have more points you are the winner. So by making a lot of farms I did not know that you could win by points too, and I won by points. By making farms I had the population busy doing something useful instead of fighting with the other civilizations.

After a while of playing like this the resources ran out because the game has limited resources/is not sustainable but if we extrapolate the game to real life, here on Earth we can all develop real farms and live there supporting the environment and ourselves, we would be all busy and not go into fights with other countries.

And this is what is doing Earth Haven, with the goal of developing self-sustainable communities all around the globe.

"The guiding principle in these communities is to bring about the utmost potential of the land, which must sustain all forms of life on the land: the animals, plants and humans. Under this principle, we regard farm animals and wild animals to be equally important. In summary, we are doing what is best for all which means the land, the animals, plants, and humans. Without exception."

This is the cool part, where through sustaining ourselves we also help out the environment/other  life forms of the land. 

I visited Earth Haven for two weeks some years ago and I can say living there is pretty cool, with all the animals there, from dogs to horses to chickens, cats, parrots, goats and of course living in a supportive community of humans.

All in all it is a win win situation for the humans and plants and animals. 

By doing this, by living in self-sustainable communities we change the rules of the game, where previously it was to fight with each other whereas now the goal is to help each other to develop our communities and support the environment. Where we know we could fight each other but we don't, as we are busy with bettering our communities and the environment and see no point in going to fight someone else.

You can support Earth Haven with me -I give a small monthly contribuiton - on Patreon.

Day 55: My Life Experience With Lending Money

It has happened to most I guess, when a friend asks for money it is an uncomfortable moment. Today I was asked again and my first reaction was 'no, not again, not you' and I said simply I didn't have the  money as I don't. But even if I had I have to be very disciplined and know when to say no, and say it. 

Because when someone owes you money is not cool, the dynamics that unfold are complex, like what happens if  the money is not returned - I think there is no 'lending' money but more 'giving' because what you know is that you are giving the money but you don't know that it is going to be returned for sure. So one would have to 'lend the money' without expecting it to come back, if one can't do that I would not lend the money to anyone. If you can't afford to lose the  money, you can't afford to lend it, as it is never sure it will be returned, and then you lose the friend along with the money.

Also you can't trust people with money, because they change, they can be very nice and all but when it comes to money one can't really know. And it has happened to me the hard way with giving even family members money! It happened to me because I didn't know the mental state of this family member, life savings were lost on my side. And I am talking about a brother here! And this has had repercussions to this day, not being able to pay my way through DIP Pro and  living paycheck to paycheck.

 And friends that claim they have not been given money, and because a paper was not signed, I can't claim the money back - and they continue to be 'friends' as they 'don't remember' ever receiving money. Of course not to be trusted ever more. 

So the end result of  me giving money, even to family members has resulted in me having zero savings, which is sad to say the least, allowing myself to be betrayed by my own brother because he was mentally disturbed and I did not know.

People have various and many mental problems and they ask for money but you can never know their intentions for sure. How could you? You can't, and you can learn this 'today or the hard way'.

So money is a hard subject, don't take  it lightly when someone asks you for money because you can be taken in for a ride if you are not careful and have learn to say No,  or can afford to lose what you lend.

Also it is important what the money is for, in today's case it was to pay for a summer festival and my friend said would be returned in less than two months, well I can't afford to help you out and you will survive without me lending you the money.

When the money is for problems and so on, also you have to assess if you can self-honestly help out or not. It is important to not feel guilty if you can't help out someone, in  my life I will come across people that need help but won't be able to help them. Self comes first and if I can't afford to help someone then I won't, if I can then I will - but as a rule of thumb I don't lend money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for not being able to help people that really needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not see, realize and understand that self comes first, and I can't and will not be able to help everyone in my life that needs economic help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help everyone that needs help.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed by being fooled into giving my life savings to a family member.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less-than because I  have no savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am inferior because I don't have savings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself first whenever someone asks me for money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myelf to trust people with money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepeted and allowed myself to see that if I can't afford to lose the  money then I can't afford to lend it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust a family member with money without making sure of their state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am not able to give money away, so I don't even have to consider lending money as I am not able to.

I commit myself to remind myself that I come first and that I can't afford to lose money thus I can't afford to lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can't lend money.

I commit myself to remind myself that I doon't lend money.

Day 54: DIP Pro - Blogging for Sponsorship

Yesterday I was accepted at the Sponsorship Program of the Desteni I Process Pro with a full sponsorship. DIP Pro is an online course that builds on and expands on DIP Lite the free online course, it is the older brother so to speak.

Being accepted at the Sponsorship Program because at the moment I don't have the funds available to fund my way through it means that I have been given an amazing gift and opportunity to develop myself, sort out my mind, expand and realize my fullest potential. And I ask myself, where does one find this kind of support? Nowhere do you find a platform of support such as this one.

In DIP Pro, amongst others, you have a Buddy with which you walk, that has already walked DIP Pro, that helps you out and with who you have a weekly chat to support you throughout every lesson.

Again, who does that? I am so honored to be able to be a part of DIP Pro.
In exchange I will have to continue to support myself with consistent blogging or vlogging, which is the least one can do when receiving the tons of support that DIP Pro is. 

I started DIP Pro some years ago, funding my way through it and also on a partial sponsorship, but I was not consistent and I let myself down with finally abandoning it. Back then I had the resources, I had the time, I had everything.

Yesterday I was given a second opportunity. From here, thank you. I won't let you - I won't let me - down this time around.

Quoting DIP Pro:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abandon DIP Pro in the past, letting me down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not use the opportunity to do DIP Pro effectively in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let myself down in the past, not doing DIP Pro when I could.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seeing, realizing and understanding that I can give myself the opportunity again to walk DIP Pro regardless of my past within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste resources both on my side and the side of DIP Pro in the past by not walking the lessons effectively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have already the resolve to do DIP Pro, as I did DIP Lite, I have to simply walk it and never look back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be directive in the past within DIP Pro.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret not doing DIP Pro well in the past.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the barely minimum when I last walked DIP Pro, instead of walking it to the fullest of my capabilities/ potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give myself the opportunity to walk DIP Pro effectively when I could.

I commit myself to walk DIP Pro effectively to the best of my ability.

I commit myself to not give up on myself and see-through DIP Pro until it is done.

I commit myself to remind myself to do the blogging and assignments.

I commit myself to remind myself of the importance of walking DIP Pro effectively.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can walk DIP Pro, as others have walked it before me

Day 53: Dreading the Future vs Being Here Directing

Today at work . I work as a waiter - we have a big group of 50 + people coming to eat. Yesterday I was thinking about it, and also thinking about the summer season, where we work intensely for about two - three months and I was taken aback by it,  I dreaded it a bit. I have already worked a summer at this job and I know it is a daily effort to work as a waiter and it is not the low season we are now, where work is low and there is less stress.

The problem is not the work but if I am worried about it the rest of the day it is not cool, having the mind preoccupied with the future. I know I can make a mistake or two, like yesterday that we had many costumers too and I was a bit late to deliver some dishes and they were cold, but overall I did a good job - also I only had to send them to the kitchen again to heat them and that was it.

The solution is when I have too much workload, to ask for help from other waiters that might have less workload in that given moment, or that can simply help me out in a moment, so that the costumers that are assigned to me can have a good experience and not leave the restaurant dissatisfied.

The word that comes up here is Delegate, where I have to learn to delegate tasks to other waiters whenever I have too much tasks to do at once, so that I don't stress but direct the workload effectively so that everything is done and every costumer is happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to preoccupy myself and worry about the future in my job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread having a lot of costumers at work, in fear that I will fuck up or make mistakes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to attend every costumer that they give me at work if there are a lot, instead of trusting myself to do work to the best of my ability.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail if I take on a lot of costumers at work, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I will make it to the best of my ability and then if I fail is OK and I can ask for help when needed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not alone at work, and that I can ask for help if I see I have too many costumers at once/to many costumers demanding my attention - so some other waiter can step in and help me out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to take on new tables when I have already a substantial workload, instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I can always delegate/ask for help if I can't attend every costumer well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the high season instead of being here as breath in the realization that I will do my best when the moment arrives, so there is no need to worry at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear asking for help, in fear that I will be rejected or seen as less than other waiters, instead of seeing realizing and understanding that it is the way to go to have the costumers well attended  - to ask for help whenever necessary.

Whenever I see I worry about the future in my job, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I will do my best when the moment arrives of working so there is no need to worry or fear.

I commit myself to live the word delegate, to whenever needed ask for help and delegate work to other waiters that can help me out if I find I have too much workload - so I don't 'collapse' and can attend every costumer well.

I commit myself to speak up whenever I have too much workload and I can't attend every table well.

I commit myself to ask for help whenever I see I have too much workload, so that I don't collapse myself and costumers are served well.

I commit myself to remain here as breath and ask for help when I find that I have too much of a workload at work.

I commit myself to work to the best of my ability, so I don't have to worry about work whenever I am not working as I am certain that when I am at work I give it my all.

Day 52: Mastering the Basics in Education

I attend classes with a teacher, usually I don't make sure I know well the last lesson that we take so we advance with me not knowing well the last lesson and so I don't understand anything well - lol.

Today my teacher was ill so instead of advancing the lesson I repeated the last one and I mastered it, I understood well the material so now I am ready to continue with the next lesson. It is very basic what I am saying, mastering anything before continuing with more material but sometimes I forget and then nothing works out.

The solution is to master the lessons as I go so I can accumulate to a greater result of for instance passing a subject instead of accumulating misunderstanding that doesn't add up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to advance the lessons I attend without mastering what I did.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to make sure I understand the material before continuing with a lesson.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set myself for failure by not making sure I understand the material before continuing with a lesson.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to set myself for success by practicing the lesson until I master it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by merely attending classes with a teacher I will attain something, not seeing/realizing and understanding that I have to master the basics, master what is being taught before I can progress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste resources - time and money - by not making sure I know the lessons before progressing to new lessons.

Whenever I see that I don't understand something, I stop and I breathe, I realize, see and understand that I have to practice what I don't understand until I master it, so I build the brick son the wall of knowledge to be able to progress understanding the material.

I commit myself to make sure I understand what is being taught in classes so I can progress.

I commit myself to use the resources I have available to the utmost degree by making sure I understand the lessons, I master the lessons before continuing with new material.

I commit myself to not take on new lessons until I master the previous ones, be it in my studies or anything I do.

Day 51: Wanting to Know the Future vs Creating It

I remember some years ago, playing with the Osho Zen Tarot cards, wanting to know my future, it appeared the card 'Control' and I was not pleased, like it my future would be like my present, something I don't like. Looking back I see not much changed, and it is not that the card was an inevitable fate but as I see it, I create my life, I create my future - and I see I wanted things to come my way without me having to do anything for it and it does not work that way.

Because I see the question I asked the cards was wrong, I asked something along the lines of, what does the future hold for me? Instead of what do I hold for myself, what do I gift myself that I will also have in the future, as I have gifted it to myself? And so life is about gifting things to oneself, living words, but that is another post.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my future to be different than my present without seeing, realizing and understanding that I create my future and if I do nothing to change my future it won't be changed - I won't be changed, I'll be the same.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I create my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want my future to be different than my present, without having to do anything about it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to work in order to change myself and my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put the time and effort to change myself and change my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that I indeed can see the future to a certain extent  - in that if I don't change myself nothing will change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep repeating the same cycles, being in a zone of comfort instead of breaking the cycles and changing for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in self indulgence, not changing myself or my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in not facing myself and applying myself to change in all areas of my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stick to a plan of change to change my life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have nothing to lose in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad at the cards that appeared when I wanted to know my future instead of seeing that I create my future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to know my future with the osho cards instead of willing my future, creating my future in every moment here.

I commit myself to create my future in every moment here, in the realization that every action that I take creates a consequence in the future, so I create my future in every moment.

I commit myself to take the best actions that I can in every moment, so I create the best future possible.

I commit myself to remind myself that I create my future in every moment, so I have to be careful with what I do/think/act.

Day 50: Fear of Being Late

The other day I was at home at the computer writing an email and checking the time to go to work, I was about to leave home when I received a call from work saying that they were waiting for me, I was supposed to be there already! I hadn't realized  that the time I was leaving for work was a quarter later of the time to leave home. I had mistaken the time.

So today I had this fear of tomorrow not being on time at work. All the fears can be traced back to the fear of death. This fear of course is linked to the fear of having no money and  without money, fear of dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear arriving late at work and being fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to fear not having the ability to buy what I need.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear 'fucking up' and being fired from the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the 'managers' at work not being happy with me.

Whenever I see that I fear arriving late at work, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to be aware and be here whenever I check the time to go to work, and make sure that I am arriving on time, and there is no point in fearing, I simply have to make sure I arrive on time.

I commit myself to whenever I check the time to go to work, make sure I know when I am supposed to be there.

Day 49: Self Expression Is An Every Day Thing

Where do I find self expression? I can see for example that I like music, or that I like dogs. I can express in music or through writting, or dancing or through working at my job, too, like everything I do is an outlet to express myself. It is said that it is not what we do but who we are in what we do. So I would like to find more outlets for self expression because if I look at my life there are not many, well sometimes I do paint watercolor, which is cool.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate ways of self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by not looking for what I can enjoy doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept not expressing myself in what I do, but live like a robot, doing things 'because I have to' instead of expressing myself through them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate my living instead of living self expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have to do something special to express myself, when I can express myself in what I do daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fake everything that I do for example at my job instead of expressing myself to the degree that is allowed but express myself nontheless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted whtat I do daily and not see I have opportunities to express myself in everything that I do.

Whenever I see that I take for granted my daily activities, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that daily activities are a medium through which I can express myself.

Whenever I see that I am bored, I stop and I breathe. I look within and see, introspect, where it is that I am not expressing myself - and change it to expressing myself.

I commit myself to express myself more in everything that I do.

I commit myself to remind myself to express myself in everything that I do.

Thank you

Day 48: The Butterfly Effect

Some are aware of this, but some are not, the extent to which what we share affect others. For me, watching a vlog for example can help me out immensely in a given moment, or reading a blog. So the blogs that we write for example are very important. And the blogs that we don't write also affect, because all of the individuals that could have stood up from us blogging/vlogging changes the moment we decide to write or not, the  moment we decide to vlog or not.

So here is to the excuses we put to not share ourselves in vlogs/blogs - it affects others to levels that we are not even aware, for this I am thankful for everyone that shares themselves and their points and insights in vlogs and blogs because they have helped me to move myself and also I ask for forgiveness for  not having written consistely throughout the years that I have been aware of process, which I don't know the extent of the consequence it has done - yet here I am and I can only work with what is here now, that I am aware that what I do - or don't do - has a very important consequence to others standing up, and them standing up affects even others so there is this butterfly effect/ripple effect that starts by us writing/vlogging/blogging and sharing. Thanks

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to share myself unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses to not write daily/as often as I am able to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not blog consistently eventhough I knew of the 'butterfly effect' that it has in others standing up  - or not - due to our blogging/vlogging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regard my writings as irrelevant, when in fact are very relevant to others standing up with me or not.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stand absolutely with my blogging.

I forgive myself that I have not accepetd and allowed myself to value my blogging.

Whenever I see that I stop blogging daily, I stop and I breahe. I asses wheter or not I can physically write a blog with the time I have and put myself to blog as soon as possible.

Whenever I see that I don't value my blogging, I stop and I breathe. I remind myself that other people will stand up more because of my blogging so I continue to do it unconditionally.

I commit myself to daily blogging.

I commit myself to do whatever is necessary to write daily/as frequently as I can.

Day 47: What to Write? Introspection as a Tool

Is it possible to write everyday, and what will I write about? This questions come up about daily blogging, where I usually wait for a topic to come up in my mind to write a blog instead of putting myself to write every day at a certain time of the day.

If I look at how topics come up in my mind, it is usually when I think about blogging and look for a topic, then it comes up, but I have to look for it, it usually does not come up by itself only. So the answer to the question would be, if every day I look for a topic to write about, I will find one.

During the time that I did DIP Lite, I had to do a task every day, and it usually involved writting, a positive or negative memory for example, and I always had to do this introspection to look for it to be able to use the memory to do the task. And it worked, I would find a memory right away or for a moment change what I am doing and then a memory/topic to use would come up.

So the word is introspection, I have to use it in order to be able to write every day, or whenever needed, because then blogging will be only limited by the time I have available to do it, and not for a lack of topics to write about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I don't have topics to write about/blog about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit my blogging by believing that I don't have topics to write about  instead of using intospection to find what to write about.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand that I have the power to find topics to write about by using introspection to see what comes up at any moment.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myelf to live the word introspection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself by believing that topics will automatically come up in my mind as to what to write about instead of seeing that I have to use introspection to look for them.

Whenever I see that I don't blog because I believe that I have nothing to blog about, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have to use introspection/introspect and see inside myself to find a topic to write about.

I commit myself to use introspection to be able to blog as regularly as possible.

I commit myself to not limit myself by beliefs about when can I write and when I can't.

I commit myself to remind myself that I can use introspection whenever I want to find a topic to write about, vlog about or talk about = express.

Day 46: Forgetting What I Just Did - Not Trusting Myself In Tasks

Recently I noticed when I am at work - I work as a waiter - that I don't trust myself in what I just did, as in sometimes I wonder if I checked in correctly at work or if I checked in a dish at the computer when I know I did but I doubt myself and check again if I did correctly.

This opens up the following: I have to do things well and to completion the first time I do them, so I can trust myself that whatever I did, I did well and to completion and thus I don't need to check them a second time.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt my memory in what I just did.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself in what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to triple-check what I do within doubting myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my memory of what I just did, needing to check again what I have recently done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be at peace with myself whenever I am sure I have done something, needing to check it again.

Whenever I see that I do a task  and want to check it again, I stop and I breathe, I see within common sense that there is no need to triple check everything and that I can trust my memory that I did it to completion.

Whenever I see that I doubt myself in what I do, I stop and I breathe. I trust myself that I do things to completion the first time - so I don't have to triple or double check everything as I do things to completion the first time.

I commit myself to do things to completion the first time, making sure that I did them well the first time and thus not needing to check things a second time but trust myself that I always do things well the first time.

I commit myself to trust myself and my memory that I have done some task to completion.

I commit myself to not doubt myself in what I do.

I commit myself to trust myself in what I do the first time I do it, in that I will do it well the first time - and not need a second check.