Day 213: Can't Unsee

 

Once I see something, I can't unsee it, no matter what excuses I might come up with, I already know and am aware of it. Even if I believe I will not have consequence for not acting on what I see, that is not true. For example a personal point that I need to direct, or something I know I have to do, it will be always there until I take action, and if I don't I will only be creating consequence for the delay.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that there is consequence for not taking action on what I see.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can unsee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ignorance is bliss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that once I see something I am no longer innocent and cannot claim I didn't know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that taking responsibility for all that is me and all that I can see I can do is the way forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that taking action is the only way out of being miserable for not taking action.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have responsibility the moment I become aware of something.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to act on my awareness - i.e. to do what I know I have to walk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I act on my awareness, knowledge without aplication is useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hide from my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can go on without acting on my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I don't act on what I see as awareness I will have a miserable life because I know that I know.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let my life sink into inactivity and stagnation by not acting on my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I should act immediately on my awareness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is no 'time' out there to do things but only the present moment/breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use procrastination and excuses to not act on what I see/my awareness.

I commit myself to act on my awareness, on what I see.

I commit myself to act on my awareness within what is best.

Day 212: Do I Have Time?

Do I have time to dedicate to myself? Do I have time to do what is best for me and for All? When faced with a difficult task, as with anything else, we don't know if we will be able to complete it because death is unpredictable - yet what is sure is the only way to get it done is to start and stick with it until the end.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to finish something, then I use it as an excuse to not start it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that time is a created thing that one do to dedicate to something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I don't have time to do something completely, it is still the best option to start it anyway

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to make sure I can finish something before I start it, while this is impossible due to the nature of the physical as unpredictable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can die at any moment/day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the relation of die/day as any day we can die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be grateful for every day that I get to live

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be grateful for every breath that I get to experience and live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my days and breaths

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every day is an opportunity to expand, specify and improve myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to explore what is possible to do with this one life that I have been given

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that there is a tomorrow for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I have plenty of tomorrows as it is unknown

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work with the certainty of every breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that every breath is an opportunity to either be self honest or not and the implications that this have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I start living in every moment of breath as if it is the last nothing will change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will have a future - using this to not stand up for myself in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put excuses to not stand up for myself in every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the answers and my saviour are there in some future while all the way it is me that have the answers and can 'save myself'

Day 211: Death is so Final

Today I have been faced with this question: What do you want to be remembered as? If I die now I certainly won't be remembered in how I would like to respond to that question. I see I have been idling for a long time, maybe I didn't have the resources that I have now in the years up to now, but certainly I see overall I can do more. I let go of the past and birth me here in every breath to expand myself to be and become more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to do more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for not doing more

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am wasting my resources

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my resources are time and money and life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I push myself no one will do it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not in control of how much time I have left

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am in control

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not opening up to the world in time until it is too late

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not allow myself to live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am here for a limited time only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as if I will live forever and as if everything is fine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave things to chance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not direct myself to change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remove the meaning from the word change in believing is something to attain while in fact it is a constant

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I will always change, the direction of the change though is what I have to direct

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that time is, in fact, running out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand how life is passing me by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is nothing I want to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I will not live forever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I improve myself, no one will improve me for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear perfection

Day 210: Blank

I the past I have pushed myself too hard and then I tend to give up on myself for a while afterwards, because I didn't want it to happen I simply put a 'blank' title and jumped straight to the following general self forgiveness. The point is to walk a little bit each day and not to spill out big realisations because then I tend to withdraw, so I try to keep it simple and consistent rather than big and eventual.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give space to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself if I apply myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am Life as who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear pushing myself too far in my process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realise and understand that when I think it is too much, I can still do more and I am still here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I push myself to hard I will give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up in the past because of pushing myself too hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can write daily

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to write daily to prove anything to others instead of doing it for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to live for others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that when I live for myself, others will start to notice

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I live for others no one will live for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not my thoughts, feelings and emotions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I don't give myself a chance to walk this process, it will never be done for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that only if I give up on myself I will not make it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 

Day 209: The birth of a Bitcoiner

The fate of entire civilizations has been tied around its economic system, and the economic system tied to what storage of value utilizes, time and time again history has proven that using unsound money, and also centralized money, brings forth calamity in societies while societies that utilized the so called 'hard money' flourished, and here it comes, Bitcoin is a solution we all longed for. Hard money. I am reading, wich I suggest, The Bitcoin Standard: The Decentralized Alternative to Central Banking. by Saifedean Ammous.

The current money system is a scam, and that's why there are so many scammers on Earth right now, because, why put any effort into doing something if you can't store value anywhere safely for the long term? Better scam some. Bitcoin changes that.

It is interesting how planning to get Bitcoin, and even in getting a little of it, already changes the perspective because I start thinking long term instead of simply spending my paycheck.

There should be testimonials of how aquiring Bitcoin has changed people's life. I don't think it is only because it price is rising, but because people start thinking long term, taking more care of themselves and being more content knowing there is a future for them.

Myself, today I bought a little bit of Bitcoin, and started to do some calculations of how long would it take for me to get one whole coin. It makes you think, that really it takes a lot of effort. Then I went and prepared dinner for myself, which I hadn't done in a few days, it even made me want to shave! lol

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate the relationship between what kind of money is used by a society and its societal impact

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to think long term

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is more than living paycheck to paycheck

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there is a solution for society further than any philosophy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'investigate everything and keep what is good'

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to want a better future for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to investigate why I spend all that I earn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt Bitcoin without studying it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that Bitcoin will continue with me or without me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that changing the money changes the perspective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live for the short term

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that thinking long term is only possible with tools such as Bitcoin that allow for that 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want others to convince me of Bitcoin without looking into it myself

Day 208: Speaking Up - Don't Hold Back

 

When something bothers me, and I have to speak up, at times I tend not to, unless it is too much. But this then keeps on accumulating until I find that I have to speak up about everything, which I think is the way, to speak up whenever I see something is not aligned and that if I don't speak up it will only get worse.

This can be in personal relationships as well as with regards to this world.

For example I think I get too little gas money from my colleagues, in relation to what others recieve for the same trip, but I do not speak up. Or I see some common sense perspective in relation to the world but I do not share, for instance I think Bitcoin is a great thing, but I don't say it.

Bitcoin for instance, it is a great thing, but without the world changing, it is not that great, because we see a pattern of very rich people already dominating ownership of Bitcoin or at least being capable of owning vast amounts. So the have and have nots pattern repeats itself. So the solution would be in Education more so, because people Equal in Education cannot be fooled and are one vote each that cannot be manipulated.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to speak up.

I forgive myeself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear speaking up

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that speaking up is necessary

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that speaking up is the only way

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that speaking up might get easier with time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am the creator of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am capable of directing my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I speak up, nothing in my world will change, and certainly my voice will not be heard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am indeed capable of speaking up

I commit myself to speak up

I commit myself to take a breath and see if what I am about to say is within the principle of what is best for all and thus for me

Day 207: Inattentive type of ADHD for Work and Study

At work I wasn't reaching efficiency, that is, I was going too slow. I didn't know why, eventhough I tried to motivate myself to go faster, nothing seemed to work. Until I researched about ADD/ADHD and I saw clearly what was happening at work: I was distracting myself with everything and anything, thus being slower in my productivity. I did by myself a screening test for ADHD and it came out that I can have the inattentive type. This means that I get easily distracted whenever I am doing something that doesn't particularly interest me.

This might explain why I have not been able so far to graduate university, which I am no longer doing. I would repeat the same subjects again and again but because I would find impossible to put myself to study, I would never pass them. Or if I put myself to study, I would get distracted with something else, and end up not studying.

Now that I know I am prone to get distracted, I can focus at work, and get the job done, this time, very effectively and efficiently. I do this by focusing on the task at hand and blocking any and every distraction.

What a game changer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for apparently being unable to study.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that to know myself is utterly important.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a failure for not being able to pass at university.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as slow at my workplace without seeing, realising and understanding what was the cause of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am not a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is always a root cause for everything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I am not succeeding at life there is a root cause for it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I can find my root cause as to why I am failing at study and work and life in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I didn't have a problem, I would be naturally successful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear I cannot manage ADD without medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself that I can overcome ADD without medication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a 'magical pill' to solve all my problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge brain-related medication as bad.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to test everything, and that if that means trying medication I can do that.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not all about medication when facing ADD.