Day 139: A Part Of Something

Today I was at work wondering about this, I am a part of something. I am a living, breathing human being, a part of 'organised living' I live in a body that has automated things, it is pretty clear I am a part of something, yet, it is fascinating how much I have not seen I am part of something, like I feel like I am 'apart' and this shouldn't be the case. We are all the same, we all breathe, eat, shit and die the same. Let's not forget it. We are all in this together.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am separate from everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am a part of something and not separate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am living in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the fact that I didn't see myself as part of 'something' means that somewhere I have separated myself from this something, this whole.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am not separate from everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am in fact one with everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that even if I forget I am part of something, it doesn't mean I am not a part of that something.

I commit myself to remind myself that we are in this all together.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am not separate from everyone else.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am in fact equal to everyone else.

Whever I see that I am 'feeling' like I am separate from everyone else, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am the same as all others as breath, so there is no possible separation.

I commit myself to remind myself that I am One and Equal as Life.

Day 138: Breath by Breath at Work

Sometimes life can be too much, then what I do is, can I handle the next movement, the next breath? For example at work when it becomes repetitive doing the same things day after day, if I slow down and focus on what I have to do next it becomes easier to do. For example, can I take this chair and put it in its place? Then I do it and it is not so bad this repetitive work - I work as a waiter - but this can be applied to anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things bigger than they are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can do whatever it is I have to do if I focus on breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here as breathe whenever I am at work, making it more than what it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the simplicity of doing things breath by breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that it is not important what I do but who I am within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can change the way I experience myself at work by focusing on breathing and what comes next.

Whenever I see that I make things more than they are within my mind, I stop and I breathe. I realize it is not what I am doing that matters but who I am within what I do. Thus I commit myself to remind myself to breathe whenever I am at work and focus on what I am doing in the moment.

I commit myself to remind myself that in my mind thing may seem bigger than what they really are.

I commit myself to remain grounded whenver I see I am making things bigger than they are in my mind.

I commit myself to remind myself that it is important to remain here as breath to not make things bigger than they are in my mind.

Day 137: Value in Self-Support

When I get paid, suddenly I become more directive, is that so? For example, at work I do whatever it needs to be done but then when I am at home and decide to do something for myself all kinds of excuses open up and/or I allow myself to procrastinate. If I got paid for blogging, for studying, for supporting myself with Desteni I Process - would it be different then? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become brainwashed to only act if I am getting paid in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to behave differently whether what I am getting paid for what I am doing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the value of the things I do outside of work - thus not putting in the work needed to get it done.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to value what I do outside of work for what it is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see value in self-support.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self-support is valuable, even maybe more than regular money-earning work.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to act consistently even when I am not getting paid in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value more money than self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the value when there is no money involved in things.

I forgive myself that I have acccpted and allowed myself to only see value in money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self support is even more valuable than money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that no matter how much money I have, if I do not support myself in other ways there is no point in having money.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the balance that exists within having to have money and supporting myself - where I do have to have money and at the same time support myself with things that won't give me money immediately or at all.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the same self-will that I apply at work for money I can apply at home for self-support.

Day 136: Complainers

Change what you don't like or don't complain. Complaining is pointless because either you can change something, and then you do change it, or you can't and then what is the point in complaining on something you cannot change? But maybe complaining is useful to see where we have accepted and allowed ourselves to participate in things that we do not necessarily enjoy. For example I can complain about my job, or I can do something about it. If I catch myself complaining about my job, I see I have to do something about it. It is that simple. Maybe it is changing jobs what I have to do or simply change my relationship to the job.

I forgive mysef that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I complain it means that I have to do something about the thing I am complaining about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that complaining is like a red flag that signals where I am not being honest with myself with regards to something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I will not achieve anything by simply complaining.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am where I am due to my own doing, and thus complaining will do nothing to change that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I can change my reality given that I have put myself where I am at the moment thus I can change it.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it does not mean that change will be easy but only that change is possible if there is self-will to change.

Whenever I see that I complain about something, I stop and I breathe. I see, realize and understand that unless I change - if changeable - the thing I complain about then there is no point in complaining- Thus I commit myself to change that which I have ever complained about.

Day 135: Putting Myself First

Today I am satisfied about myself because I have directed things that needed direction in order to put myself first, taking care of getting my driving license, directing also the situation at home where I have had to say to someone that could no longer live at our place, which is not an easy thing to do.

It is important to put self first because if I do not support myself, I cannot rely on someone else to do the caring for me - it doesn't work that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put myself first.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the practicality of putting myself first.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that first I have to 'save myself' before I can even think of 'saving someone else' if that is even possible.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I do not have to apologise for putting myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am bad for putting myself first.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that ultimately if I put myself first I will be more empowered thus be able to help others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that in fact putting myslef first is not egotistic but necessary in order to be able to help others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is not being a 'bad person' putting self first, but something necessary to be able to be empowered to help others.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that unless I empower myself first I wont be able to ever help anyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help others before I have even helped myself.

Day 134: The Saviour Complex

It's been already two times in this month that I have housed homeless people at my place, and the first time it didn't work because the person was mentally ill and the second one it is someone that is not really trying to get out of it meaning actively looking for work for example, so I will have to let this second individual go too. But the question is what is the starting point of helping people in this way?

If I look inside myself it is because I would want for someone to do this to me too if I ever need it, I hope that if I help someone this someone will at some point in the future help me out too. But this is not doing things unconditionally, meaning if I do help an individual I should not expect anything in return. And looking at my situation currently I am not in the position to be able to 'rescue' anyone as I barely am surviving myself.

Enough is enough.

I see that I have done this in fear that myself I will be in a bad position in the future, instead of preparing myself for the future I try to help someone else in hope that they or someone else will help me if I am in this bad position, this because next year I will be studying and working and I don't know if I will be able to do both, so maybe I end up having to leave my job for the studies and then I would have a gap where I might have less money -- but the solution is not 'saving' anyone but making sure that I have my future well prepared, so starting with putting myself first.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put myself first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to help others in the hope that they will help me in the future, instead of making sure my future is solid, well prepared for myself by myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have housing issues in the future and instead of making sure I will not have them, want to help others so other will help me in the future, wich does not add up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear of the future.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fear of the future instead of preparing myself for the future.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have to prepare my own future and no one will be there to save my ass, not even if I 'saved someone else's ass' apparently.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that helping out someone that does not help themselves is not really helping them but supporting their self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I help someone else now someone else will help me in the future, which is simply not true.

I commit myself to strenghten myself so that I don't need help in the future.

I commit myself to put myself first.

I commit myself to support myself so that I am able to support myself at all times.

Day 133: Taking care of things

Recently I had to take care of something where I had to take various steps in order to start to solve it. Had I not taken these steps I would have been anxious but because I did all I could to solve the problem, and now I only had to wait, I was very calm within it all.

And this point of calmness is interesting, because it is within directing points, taking care of things than one can sit back and for a moment access this calmness in knowing that 'I have done all that I could to solve this problem'. And this is what I see is cool about taking care of things/directing problems, that if I do it then I can be calm and relaxed because there is nothing more I can do but keep doing what is needed to be done for the problem to be solved.

And this goes with all in life, when facing a problem I can either despair about it or take the steps necessary to solve it - thus accessing this calmness or peace.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct all my problems into resolutions so that I can live in calmness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that indeed the solution is 'stop thinking and end your problems' as stated by Lao Tzu.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can indeed live in calmness by directing all and every problem I face.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I can direct all the inner and outer problems the same.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to live calmness by directing my problems.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to end my problems so that I can live in calmness and also direct the outer problems as the world problems as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am indeed capable of stopping all that bothers me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if anything is bothering me it means it only requires direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to not direct my problems thus allowing myself to live in anxiety instead of calmness.