Day 186: Independent

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am independent, 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it all depends on me making a move first

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as independent

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I need others to do in stuff my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am the architect of my life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that my life depends on me only

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rely on others to do my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that as long as I depend on others to construct my life, my life will be miserable

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can do things on my own

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the advantages in making things by myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that by making things myself I can have them the way I want them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that if I have to rely on others, I am not truly free

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ask for help instead of looking at how I can do things by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that in order to be free, I have to set myself free

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that relying on others is not the best way to do things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to take responsibility for myself at all levels of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that there is power in taking responsibility for myself

Day 185: Fear of Success

What if I give my best shot and I don't succeed, will it mean that I am faulty or at fault? Certainly not. Here I am correcting this fear and also the manipulation of not giving my all to things in order to have an excuse and 'not be at fault'.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I have success I will not be able to handle it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don't achieve success even if I apply myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become comfortable in mediocrity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not put my all to be successful in fear that I will not make it thus realising that I have some kind of limit

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I don't apply myself to become the best version of myself I am limiting myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am put to the test no matter what I do, even if think that by not facing myself  I am not put to the test - I am being tested no matter what by Life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to get tired of failing to instead support myself to stand up for myself no matter what

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I apply myself to be successful and I fail, I will be flawed

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I fail at doing something it does not mean that I am flawed, simply have to try again or a try a different approach

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to manipulate by doing without full involvement in a task, so that if I fail, I am not at fault

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not involve myself fully in what I do, in fear that if I fail then it will mean I am flawed or limited

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that doing things 'half assed' will only lead me to certain failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose failure over success in fear that if I push for success I might not get there and thus I am apparently faulty

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am faulty when I do things 'half assed' and not for not achieving my goals doing things full on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting myself to the test where if I fail I believe I am faulty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that failing when giving my best shot is ok and it doesn't mean I am less or faulty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have to have excuses as to why I did fail instead of seeing that it is ok to fail when giving my best shot, it merely shows where I need improvement

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I don't give it my best shot to things I will not be able to expand effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I give my best shot and I fail then I am not good enough

I commit myself to involve myself fully doing things full on without fear of failure if I don't achieve my goal and without thinking that I will be faulty for not getting to my goal

I commit myself to remind myself that if I don't get things right the first time it doesn't mean I am faulty

I commit myself to remind myself that doing things 'half assed' will lead to certain failure

I commit myself to give my best shot to everything I do

I commit myself to be gentle with myself if I fail giving my best shot

I commit myself to disregard fear of not being good enough if I fail giving my best shot

Day 184: Damaged Goods

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is too late for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself as damaged goods

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that my moment is in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am worthy of a chance even if I missed some in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider me as elegible for great things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that my moment is not gone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can move to lift/change my situation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity to flourish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself of incapable of standing up for myself because I have not done it so far - or so it seems

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself from my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not giving myself an opportunity/giving up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe there is such a point where one is allowed to give up and to want to arrive at that point

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that such a point where giving up is allowed does not exist

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I will fail until I do not give up

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I will timeloop until I apply myself consistently in every moment of breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad for not having stood up for myslef instead of standing up for myself in every moment of breath, Here.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that standing up is a continuum, in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the past affect the continuum of standing up in every moment of breath, being directive in doing what needs to be done

I commit myself to be directive in every moment of breath

I commit myself to let go of the past and focus on the continuum of being here as breath, completely letting go of the past in every breath

I commit myself to remind myself that I will be effectively successful when I apply myself in the continuum of directing within breath to an outcome that is Best for All

I commit myself to stick to breathe no matter what I do or what happens or what has happened

I commit myself to show to others the spell that is cast when one does not stick to breathe, where it seems that everything is too much - everything is never too much as one can do only so much within one breath, and one accumulates towards what is Best for All.

I commit myself to walk the correction of myself in breath

Day 183: My Own Saviour

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be saved

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to save myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want something outside myself to sort out my situation

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the resource to get out of mediocrity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am capable of taking care of myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can care for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that no one s coming to save me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that self-movement is key

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is ok that I slack off because someone will step in for me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I slack off too much I can end up, like many, without resources for housing and food i.e. homeless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being homeless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ending up homeless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have much potential to support myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not support myself as much as I can

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard self-support

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am my own saviour

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be in touch with that part of me that needs self-support

I commit myself to support myself

I commit myself to remind myself that I can and have to support myself

I commit myself to remind myself that I am self-support

Day 182: Math and I

I have failed at math more that I would have liked, and had some success, here untangling my relationship to math so I can explore it with unveiled eyes from past failures and instead apply myself to become better at it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am less than math

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to become one and equal to math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dread math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am bad at math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have to train myself to do well at math if no other teacher was able to do this with me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to claim specialness by  not allowing anyone to teach me math effectively as if apparently 'no one can teach me' by not doing my part.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing math with my mom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing math with my grandmother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame math teachers for me not knowing enough math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can have fun learning math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do math during summer when I was a kid

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge math as too dificult instead of putting myself to do it

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that math is not difficult or easy, I simply have to understand and practice it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregards the moments where I've had success with math, not seeing, realising and understanding that I can have success with All math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear math

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not look at math in the eye, as equals

I commit myself to teach myself math

I commit myself to let go of blame towards the subject of math, teaching it to myself instead

I commit myself to have patience with myself in regards to math

Day 181: The World in Our Mind

Bacteria in a Petri dish

 How do you imagine the world? Nowadays we are no more secluded in different countries, not knowing about eachother. With the internet we have come together, we are in this together, like a big circle where we are all in it. 

In my mind the world looks like a Petri dish, we are like a cult of bacteria - a circular Petri dish - at the moment some bacteria within the dish are thriving and some are struggling too much because apparently there is not enough Money for all. A Living Income Guaranteed, a form of Basic Income, would make that All in the world would thrive.

What would you do if the world was Best for All? What would you dedicate your time to? These are crucial questions. Because one day we will All be Equal, we are already Equal but not so in fact in regards to Money, where there has to be a baseline for everyone to thrive.

I have a vision, you can share it with me: A world where everyone is supported no matter what, since birth till death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an image in my head of the world like it is too big

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are all Equal in fact

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that we are all one big body, where each part of the body we have to take care of, not single parts alone as then it means that the body will become sick and eventually die

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I have to stand up for myself within the world, to make a stance with my sentences that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are all connected

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not separated from everyone else, but in fact Equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we have to support everyone in this world, everyone deserves a dignified life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that we are in this together

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in a wolrd that is Best for All it means that it is Best for me too

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is to difficult to sort this reality

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe inequality has to exist

I commit myself to show that the world can be Equal

I commit myself to remind myself that we are all Equal

I commit myself to remind myself that unless I stand up, nothing will change.

Day 180: Overwhelmed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe everything is too much

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be here as breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the feeling of overwhelmedness

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I will be allright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that everything has a solution except death

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my problems in perspective

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that problems in my mind seem larger than they are

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that if I see problems as big in my head is because I look them too close

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that perspective is important

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that even within overwhelmedness I am able to direct myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that within breath I can direct myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that there are no problems, only solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I don't have to let problems override self-direction

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that even within so called 'problems' I can direct myself to find solutions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that unless I direct myself within breath, I will allow overwhelmedness to rule over me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that no mater what, with breath I will be fine

I commit myself to direct myself within breath

I commit myself to remind myself to breathe even in so called 'problems'

I commit myself to remind myself that I have to look at solutions not the problem, as then it seems too much

Whenever I see that I look at a problem and think it is too much, I stop and I breathe, I commit myself to apply solutions instead of dwelling in the problem

Whenever I see that I experience overwhelm, I stop and I breathe, I remind myself to see that within breath and walking the solutions I will be fine. 

Day 179: Irrelevant

  

On judging myself as irrelevant and more.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less than others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I serve no purpose

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that everyone has a purpose

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to give purpose to myself to have purpose

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work on my goals

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to be serious in working on my goals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get distracted with stuff to not work on my goals

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that self first means I have to prioritize self-support

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if one day I don't work on my goals, I have no self-worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put self-worth outside of myself in my goals

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand I am self-worth as who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if one day I don't work towards my goals it is ok I simply have to work on them the next

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am not my goals

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to accept myself unconditionally, with all my faults and flaws

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to embrace my fuckups

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that it is ok to mess up

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to be happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself for being happy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I can only allow myself to be happy when I have reached my goals in life

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that life is meant to be enjoyed not suffered   

Day 178: How We Judge

 

How we judge situations, for example 'I can't write today it's so cold!' putting doom and gloom to our day, when instead we can make something hot for us to drink and get down to writing -- realising how blessed I am that I am even given the opportunity to write! So look at myself from different angles where then I see I am blessed and everyone on Earth should be too - with a place to stay, food, an education and a laptop with Internet like I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my situation as difficult

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see myself from different angles

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself from those that have more than I do instead of seeing myself from those that have Less than I do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am in fact part of the elite - the haves vs the have-nots

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself and my situation from the viewpoint of me as a victim instead of seeing myself as the elite in fact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that talk is cheap and that I should walk the corrections that I talk

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the feelings I have towards my situation are merely a protection mechanism from the mind for me to not stand up and change

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see what does it mean that I am part of the elite - as it means that I have Response-Ability to do my part towards creating a world that is Best for All

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to work out for myself that in fact = best for All includes best for Me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to hold on the principles of doing what is Best for All no matter what - which means self-honesty at all times

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that becoming someone is irrelevant  in fact if this someone is not Best for All

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with thoughts of fame when this is irrelevant as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that through my judgement I believe my own judgements and my life becomes hell

Day 177: Children

 

Every day Should Be Children's Day

A friend is pregnant and almost due, and I started to think, when the child will be 30, I will be 60 years old - And I think I am starting to live now. Who I want to be for this kid? Someone that give her some sense of Making Sense of this world - give her a better world or At Least the tools to be able to keep changing it. Show her consistency through my blogs, patience, calmness within moving - and looking forward to what more can I show her. To be the living example of change at least.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not having enough time to change myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that time is not really the problem - although it is always against us - it is my living application that is the key. So I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself fear not having enough change to change myself - if that makes sense

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that this is it, my life on my own hands and the life of the children to come - in our hands

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hard on myself instead of focusing on myself first

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that the world will not wait for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that the time has come for each one to show their true colors

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to support myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can only ever support another as much as I have supported myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to put myself first in self-support

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that only through being useful to myself I can be useful to another

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the time has come to stand up once and for all

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not alone in standing up

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I have to be gentle with myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to treat myself as I would like to be treated by another

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience with myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that writing daily is also standing up for myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to 'put my ass in gear' in the moments I see I don't direct myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I don't have to wait for someone else to stand up, I must stand up no matter what

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that standing up no matter what means not looking at the sides for external support but look for it within

Day 176: Be Prepared

 

SMART Objective

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being prepared

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I can prepare myself for whatever

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that to be prepared is to prepare oneself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myslef to not see, realise and understand that I have everything at my reach that I need

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that if I am not prepared then it will be by my own doing - or not doing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that once I prepare myself I then nothing can stop me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to have patience with myself to prepare myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to direct myself to prepare myself effectively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see in myself the potential that others see in me

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to honour my potential by preparing myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander my potential by not preparing myself in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I can organize myself effectively to prepare myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that the past is no longer here and that I can direct myself in new ways

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not who I was

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not let go of the self-definition of myself in the past

I commit myself to let go of the self-definition of myself of the past

I commit myself to direct myself to prepare myself for my future

Day 175: Creating Change

Change doesn't happen on its own, today I applied for a university to study software engineering in Denmark.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone applying for university

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing the application right

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted at the university

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being up to the standard of knowledge to pass the courses at university

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I don't have to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can do whatever I set myself up to do

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living the word courage

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my capabilities to study software engineering

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can create change

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear success

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I can be and become more than what I have so far

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put limits on my success

Day 174: Hydrogen Peroxide Research

 On March 28, 2012, after Bernard Poolman shared about how supportive Hydrogen Peroxide is for the body through a powerful testimonial and with getting to know the book 'The One-Minute Cure' by Madison Cavanaugh - with the intent of sharing this with the world, I created a Facebook group called Hydrogen Peroxide Research, that has Randy as well who is super supportive admin and every day we adds 10-40+ new members and has now more than 11,000 members in total. As I am writing this four more people applied.

So today I checked the group and found a testimonial about how Hydrogen Peroxide helped this lady that was losing her vision. Her testimonial made me want to reflect about how, with the aim of doing what is Best, we can impact the lives of others very far from where we live and we will know, or not know - that is irrelevant - what I wanted to reflect is that the same applies with blogging
- we are All connected and should share what we can to support others and that doing this, sharing ourselves and what works - in fact - works and changes real lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe my life is irrelevant

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how in fact my life is important as the impact I can have on others

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the scope of and importance of supporting others as myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the importance of self-support

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how important is to share what Bernard Poolman taught us

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I can in fact impact the lives of others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I give up, people will suffer

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to not see that if I do not stand up, people my never stand up because of that

I commit myself to stand up for myself no matter what

I commit myself to show to others as Bernard showed to us

I commit myself to remind myself that it is important that I keep sharing as it is Best

Day 173: This is It

Becoming Aware of the Mind, by Andrew Gable

What is it that you are looking for? Every moment of breath, the breath is showing you the solution as being Here - being Here as Breath. 

What is it? From this moment forth I am aware of all that there is inside of me, and I direct myself in ever moment of breath to do what is Best. What is best is that I am supported thus I support myself. I work on myself to be able to become more and more aware of any movement inside of myself, any delusion, where I am still not yet stable. And this is the path to stability and self-direction within and as breath.

In the following self-forgiveness you will see the importance of remaining Here as Breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that every moment counts

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in fact, I can become aware of everything that goes on inside of myself, and direct it effectively, within breath, with the tools available

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that in fact I am the creator of myself

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that in fact I can stop the delusions in my head

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how every moment counts and that this in fact means that in every moment of breath I have to be aware of myself and direct myself to the best of my ability to support myself to become the best version of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand the extent to which each breath matters

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see my responsibility within sharing what I see so that others can benefit and free themselves as well

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the value of each and every moment of breath, that does not stop, that does not waiver, that is real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to stick to breath, in every moment, stick to practical real reality to be able to see what is real and what is of mind illusion

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the simplicity of sticking to breath

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that = within breath I am stable

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the stability that is the breath, that is here with me, showing me Reality

Thank you

Day 172: All One

 At times it feels like I am alone - today for instance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I am alone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I am not alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that alone means All One

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that the feeling of aloneness is not real

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how, in fact each one comes here alone and goes alone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the powerfulness of being alone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see myself as my self-creator

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that I have to learn to be ok alone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the usefulness of being alone

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see that each one is, in fact, alone - yet together

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realise and understand that I am fine even if I am alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when I am alone then it shows who I really am

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see the beauty in being alone 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand that I am ok even if I am alone

When and as I feel like I am alone, I stop and I breathe, I remind myself that I am fine and focus on directing myself within the principle of what is Best for All

Day 171: Pel Papa, a letter to my Dad

Inspired by this blog by Sunette Spies, where literal teardrops where falling in moments... Here is a letter to my dad who passed away around 2008 by his own hand. I've always said I understood it but never wrote a letter.

'I am sorry, the memories that come up first when thinking about you are moment where I am not proud of how I was behaving, not helping out in the housekeeping for example, where you would not tell me to do it and it kept accumulating because obviously I had to do them as you were working all day and I was at home all day if I remember well. This feeling of being a leech is not cool, sucking off other's energy or sucking off energy from wherever I can. I am trying to draw parallels to my life after your death where I have also tried to get high with drugs for instance, leeching off the physical body.

I have fond memories too, when you built that kite that flew super high in the sky, or the time you did that 'spaceship' for carnival for us kids to ride in it - that whas Awesome!

But this letter is for you, dad-in-the-sky you flew so high -- I wanted to follow you, you know, but it is not the place for me yet. Maybe that's why - and tears keep rolling from my eyes - I developed bipolar disorder, because I wanted to end my life as well, even made a video in case I passed for my brother to remember me - then the manic depression came. I remember saying to me that participating in something that produces passive income is a good idea. You always wanted the best for us and you did all you could, from exhausting job to exhausting job until you finally settled in a ok job. But you did not want to do that job for the rest of your life either so you decided to part. And I understand. I understand how you freed yourself from an underlying depression, once and for all. You would say yes to many friends that asked for help yet you would not help yourself in the same way - internally. I remember how you would get annoyed if I teased you with 'you don't know nothing about Life' after I thought I knew something from having found Desteni. And I don't know anything about Life eihter, well yes I have persevered during many falls, I have opened up to people, spoken up for myself - also while manic was very expressive LOL

I loved your dad jokes and the time you would drive me to the bus station 'fast' with your peugeot 205.

I will not go into details of what your life could have been because it is what it is but let me guess for a moment, I can't, it gets too much - I guess it felt too much for you for too long. So it is all about the seed, three awesome teens not-so-much-teens-anymore. And you did an awesome work - don't get me wrong - by 'not doing'. You didn't tell me how I had to be, you simply lived by example and by showing us what you were seeing in our interactions with others for example. I learned from  you to really Hear what others are saying, to pay attention to the last words, that are lasting words.

I want to celebrate the fact that you never hit us once and the time we went driving doing loops in a sandy field. How you liked photography but settled for a compact digital camera while researching about the big ones. About the time you told me how you organized yourself to work efficiently. How you were always up to tell me/us about how your work had gone - where you would tell us about details like how to handle an electric drill correctly and  how the boss noticed you did.

How you always invited me to go with you to go buy groceries and I always felt empty if I did not go - I really liked to go get groceries with you.

You really sacrified for us, even going into debt because of our expenses, without telling mom that had more money at that time.

I don't remember you telling me you had a problem ever. I have to start doing that more, telling when I have a problem. Now I have a duty towards you to show you how it is done, how you could have had an amazing life, and so far I am coping but I've made many mistakes. I want to look back and see that you are proud of me. At the moment I look back and see about when I wasn't doing shit. And I see this ungratefulness, how I was being ungrateful by not contributing with housekeeping for instance.

You left with grace, the last time I saw you - I was the last one of the family to see you - you was happy - more than normal. You found your solution. It is not my solution. My solution is Here - and out from the mind demons and addictions because I know this is not what you showed me to do, not even once being able to say you were in contact with drugs. Your drug was sleeping too  much, yes, on you days off. To supress, to not see I guess - but still taking responsibility for your family. I guess I have to prioritize myself first now.

But I don't wan't to end this letter about me, this is a letter for you dad, your work will not be in vain.'